Ask the Reader: What Challenge or Fear Keeps You from Building Relationships with World-Changing People?

27 Jun Ask the Reader: What Challenge or Fear Keeps You from Building Relationships with World-Changing People?

Posted at 05:05h in Ask the Reader, Communication & Rapport by Scott

“Environment is everything. Surround yourself with passionate people doing the things you dream of, and magic starts to happen. There is no more powerful practice.”

– Anonymous

It’s time for another edition of “Ask the Reader” and I want to add something special to make it exciting.

I am going to pick a few of your responses to be featured as case studies in the How to Connect With Anyone course I’m creating, as well as examples for the talk I’m giving at the World Domination Summit in Portland in two weeks on the same topic (if you plan to be at the talk, please let me know in the comments so we can connect!).

This talk (and course) is going to be a blast and I’d love for some of you to be a part of it!

All you have to do is answer one of these three questions. Just leave your response in the comments at the end of the post. (email readers click here to chime in). Remember it’s your participation that makes LYL what it is.

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

or, if you already have a network you’re proud of:

2. What is your best tactic or strategy for meeting new exciting people?

3. What is one success story of you meeting someone you’d always wanted to meet, and how did you do it?

**Note: Feel free to stop reading right now and go directly to the comments section below to answer one of the above. I can’t wait to feature some of your responses!

If you’re not usually one to comment, I urge you, if you only comment on one post, this is the one. Even if it’s only a sentence or two, and feel free to leave it under a fake name if you must. It will dramatically help all of us.

The People Change Everything

There is no more powerful influence on your work or life than the people you surround yourself with. It can be magic – if you spend your time connecting with the right people.

I don’t know a single person who does work they love without the support of others.

The problem is most people are lost when it comes to connecting with new, passionate and inspiring people.

There is no excuse for this. None. If you aren’t surrounding yourself with the right people, you might as well be in a straitjacket.

I love this topic, and I’m in the process of creating a course I think will help a lot (details coming soon), but it can only be useful if I get your guidance.

For those of you not familiar with Ask the Reader, every few months I give you all a chance to publicly share your thoughts, stories or advice on a big problem that lots of our readers are facing. This is your chance to get your fingerprints on what we’re creating at Live Your Legend. In fact, hearing from you is the only way I can be sure the stuff I create is actually useful to you.

It’s also a great way to get your work featured in upcoming Live Your Legend products.

Most weeks I do all the writing and you do all the reading.

Today we are switching the roles.

I want to learn from you.

So please take a few minutes and leave one sentence or more answering one of the below three questions:

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

or, if you already have a network you’re proud of:

2. What is your best tactic or strategy for meeting new exciting people?

3. What is one success story of you meeting someone you’d always wanted to meet, and how did you do it?

That’s it!

This week you get to be the one contributing and creating the content that is going to help so many thousands of us in the few months to come.

You can be a lot more help to the community than you probably realize.

Thank you in advance for sharing your thoughts.

I can’t wait to see your responses and incorporate them into my World Domination Summit Talk and the upcoming Connect with Anyone course.

Now please leave a quick response to one of those three questions!

Here’s to spending time around the people who make all the difference.

Thank you for sharing in that,

-Scott

Email readers, click here to leave your comment on the site.

P.S. And remember, if you plan to be at the WDS talk, please let me know in the comments so we can connect!

—–

Image credit

98 Comments

Daryle
Posted at 06:04h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott,

My two biggest fear that’s keeping me from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters is not being noticed by these people and not being able to relate to these people.
Jacqueline
Posted at 06:06h, 27 June Reply

Hey Scott, thanks for all you do. You’re certainly an inspiration!
One of my biggest challenges right now is not knowing how to identify the right network of inspiring people. There seem to be a lot of people talking a good game but not necessarily getting results. Is there some way to identify which groups are best without me having to go to every networking event in my city?
Another big challenge is second guessing myself. I quit my full-time job at the end of last year because I’d had enough of cubicle-nation. I’ve been freelancing as a trade show rep since then and am now toying with the idea of becoming a consultant of some sort. I have great customer service experience and also love to write but not sure how to make a career out of that and I fear that people won’t take me seriously because I don’t have official ‘credentials’. Any tips?

Thanks for lending an ear.

Jacqueline
zimt-peppermint
Posted at 06:10h, 27 June Reply

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

The fear of rejection. I am scared that the people I am inspired by are too busy, too famous, too rich or too cool to connect with me.

I also find it really hard to know how to reach out to them. How do you connect with someone who probably gets hundreds of e-mails every day from all kinds of people?

When it comes to connecting with passionate “real world” people I know, I’m always scared to not fit into their group or not be “exciting” enough for them to want to spend time with me.

Generally speaking, fear of rejection and not knowing how to contact them are my biggest problems when it comes to connecting with awesome people.
Dustin Forney
Posted at 06:17h, 27 June Reply

On a friend’s suggestion I read the “4-hour work week” and got bit by the entrepreneur bug. I recently moved to a new area and wanted to start surrounding myself with like-minded people so I turned to Meetup.com to see if there were others around me looking to do the same. Through this I found some awesome people who are big into startups. With their encouragement and inspiration I ended up doing a Startup weekend event in Kalamazoo (quick shout out to those at StartupZoo…great people!). Through this I grew not only my network, but my understanding of myself and what I wanted out of life. I think it’s important to note that as a very “non-technical” guy, I was 100% uncomfortable through all this, but unwaveringly excited too, so I knew something good had to be happening. I guess the moral is stop the “paralysis by analysis” and just go for something; you’ll be amazed at where it will lead.
Sebastián
Posted at 06:18h, 27 June Reply

Answer to question 1: Probably a mix of comformity and distance (living in a place where you can’t meet many of them). I live in Mallorca which is a Spanish island in the Mediterranean Sea and it seems that most (not to say all) big events in which inspiring people gather are held in the larger cities such as Barcelona or Madrid.
Lis
Posted at 06:41h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott,

Hope you’re still having a lovely time in Turkey. It’s an amazing country straddling the 2 continents with a real mishmash of influences!

I’ve read all of your articles and have recently started dipping my toes in with a few ventures online but have never commented before… so here goes.

Number 1 is most relevant to me and I think this is the biggest hurdle to get past as it’s predominantly psychological.

I’m quite out-going after a lifetime of change and travel so I don’t have a fear of speaking or meeting anyone in person irrespective of their status (unless I one day meet Leonard Cohen in which case I may faint). This is therefore easy enough in any area I am physically regularly at. My hurdle is breaking through the barrier the internet poses which is ironic considering how it actually allows users to connect more than ever!

I would much prefer meeting someone either serendipitously or arranged at a seminar or cafe than attempt to create a network through email, twitter or linkedin as the initial struggle to do so increases self doubt and feelings of failure. Most of the people I would love to connect with, or those that I am inspired by, have a global online presence however. Being that I’m usually in an odd country (or not in San Francisco!), I’m typing this from Cambodia, and being aware there is a few laws against stalking, I need to use this medium to network! There is the feeling that these inspiring people will have an inbox full of similar requests and not see any benefit to them for replying or that they are likely simply too busy. Silence feels the same as rejection.

In addition I think one of the greatest fears is thinking that it is impossible to break into a clique – network – that has already formed. There appears to be so many specific groups dominating certain areas of the internet that before you even attempt to connect your mind is filled with thoughts that they are too tight knit, have already established their networks, you feel too inadequate in comparison, or doubt what benefit you give to them and the likes.

I must add, although it’s not quite the fulfilment of question 3, that when I was younger I once did write a letter (pre internet days!) to Daryl Somers who was the host on a very popular Australian television series called ‘Hey Hey it’s Saturday’. I innocently asked him whether he died his hair black every week as it was so shiny. I received back a photo personally signed by him with a small message but alas no answer! As a child we do not seem to fear much. I often wonder when we begin to do so. I have yet been unable to pinpoint a defining moment. Perhaps it is a corruption that occurs over time.

Thanks for the thought provoking questions and I look forward to that course!

Lis.
Christine
Posted at 06:47h, 27 June Reply

After reading the first comments I would say…Get self confident, be happy with what you are and where you are many “awesome” people are coming to connect with you!
Benjamin
Posted at 06:53h, 27 June Reply

Yo Scott,

This post hit me at the right time.

My biggest fears with meeting kick-ass people is that I never want to look like that little douche-y dude, who doesn’t Google jack and fires off a huge email to someone is extremely busy.

I want to figure this sucker out on my own… YET I know their quick answer would save me a ton of time.

Last night as I was pondering how I could make online friendships REAL or AUTHENTIC. I’d hate to be the dude just making friends to improve my blog… so I’m having a lot of one-off emails with others, but they rarely head in the direction that becomes very valuable for me… so I forget to recontact them and it kind of fizzles.

I decided I need just hang IT out there more and be the TRUE BLUE me with these folks.

Rock it!
- Bardia
  Posted at 09:29h, 27 June Reply
  
  Hi Benjamin,
  
  I feel ya man! I’m always interested in meeting people who are looking to get more out of life and have a genuine interest in building truthful relationships. Shoot me an email sometime! LifeInk99@gmail.com
Kim
Posted at 06:58h, 27 June Reply

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

My biggest obstacle is my ‘self’ perception. I imagine that these inspiring people wouldn’t be interested in wasting time on lackluster individuals.
Ken S
Posted at 07:00h, 27 June Reply

Scott:

For me, is is focusing on my WHO. As Bob Beaudine points out in his best selling book – The Power of Who, we all already know all the people we need to know in order to achieve our dreams. We just ignore them & tend to seek out people who we do not know & who we “think” can help us. Our WHO are the ones who want to & can help us. The challenge then is to find your WHO.
Anna Brown
Posted at 07:25h, 27 June Reply

I’ll be honest, the thing that keeps me from connecting with world-changing people is salesmanship. It seems like everyone wants to be a guru, but not because they want to help anyone – it’s because they want those tribes to buy their products.

I’ve seen gurus put out 100 ebooks in one year and blog all about it. Why? Do they really think I’m going to believe that’s quality stuff? Of course not! I’m smart enough to know that it’s part of their passive income plan, and also smart enough not to buy any of them.

I don’t want to be part of someone’s monetization plan. I want them to actually care about who I am and what my goals are. And that seems in deeply short supply among world-changing gurus.

I’d love to find a tribe I could be a part of that would be a supporting community of world-changers. All I’ve found so far is ‘join my tribe and buy my stuff’ followed up with articles about ‘how to create your own tribe that will buy your stuff.’

Blech.

My $0.02
- Bardia
  Posted at 09:04h, 27 June Reply
  
  Hi Anna,
  
  I see where you are coming from and I almost feel the same. It can seem all about the money at times. But I think if you shift your perspective you find that the so called “gurus” really do want to help. It takes a massive amount of dedication, effort, focus and knowledge to provide what people like Scott provide. It takes courage to take risks and spend your personal time creating blogs and workshops, setting up seminars and meetings. I really feel people do want to help, but they also want to make a living. I think its up to you to choose who you would like to support and find a person you resonate with that you would – almost enjoy giving your money to because you value who they are as a human being and what they have to offer.
  
  I’m always here to help and am willing to do whatever I can – and I don’t charge anything 🙂
  
  Sincerely,
  Bardia Rezaei
Shruti
Posted at 07:32h, 27 June Reply

1. I consider myself not good enough and think why would a more established person waste time on someone like me! Low confidence is my issue. So is being introvert. Also, this idea that I reach out to people just to help me out seems to selfish. I definitely would help that person in turn but being better established why would that person need me! This whole cycle of negativism puts me down most of the time.
Glenn
Posted at 07:39h, 27 June Reply

A negative belief that I don’t belong in that group and that if I were to talk to someone passionate and inspiring I would just feel that much worst about my present path.
Katie
Posted at 07:53h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott,

I haven’t been trying to network with people online, and am more interested in trying to improve interactions with people in person.

I think the hardest thing for me to get over is feeling awkward. When I notice someone that i would like to get to know better, I feel nervous about what to say once the initial introductions have been made. And part of me worries that i am wasting their time, that they dont really have the time or desire to talk. That the relationship is unbalanced from the getgo because i dont know what it is that i am offering them compared to what i perceive they have to offer me ( because obviously there is a reason why i want to get to know them more, but i dont know if they will have a reason to want to get to know me more).
And these feelings really get magnified the more of a world changer or interesting i percieve them to be. I guess part of it is feelings of inadequacy, i notice that i think thoughts like ” it would be easier to talk to him/her if i was more__________( fill in the blank).

I will be at the wds and am looking forward to your workshop!

Katie
Anne
Posted at 08:13h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott
I think my biggest fear is bridging the gap between how others are doings and achieving their success and how I might get there as well.

I have the passion, and would like to share that and also have it supported by others who know how to take passion and mould it in their work. As others have said, this can be an awkward moment to share.
Thanks.
Marni
Posted at 08:17h, 27 June Reply

Ooh, good question, that number one! Here goes…. It’s rejection, plain and simple. The thought that I possibly am not worthy enough, cool enough, enough enough to be in that circle. That was scary but still feels good to put it down. I’m ready to go forth.
Marni
Kevin Keough
Posted at 08:34h, 27 June Reply

During my mid-twenties till about 40 I had extraordinary good fortune to connect with, meet, develop nice relationships, and profound friendships with EVERY person I envisioned meeting for one reason or another. During the 1985 Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference I spoke at some length with every luminary in attendance. I maintained contact with R.D. Laing and developed a significant friendship with him till his death in 1989.
I had the good fortune to spend time with Peter Gabriel, Jon Anderson, Rick Wakeman, others guys from YES, and so on. I had reasons to be in touch with William F. Buckley, Sir John Templeton, and so on. Then I started doing audio interviews with best selling authors in medical and social sciences.

I must state clearly I always considered myself a “mutt”, nobody from nowhere, and found these extraordinary meetings to be difficult to comprehend.

There are other names but that will do for now. Thanks for the great question

Kevin
Cary
Posted at 08:44h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott!

This is making me very excited for your next course launch:)

I think the number one thing holding me back from making connections with world-class mentors (yourself included) is the fear that I do not have anything to offer in return. I mean, I almost feel like I should offer to babysit or mow lawns or something in exchange for invaluable business and life advice. I’m embarrassed by the thought of taking and not having anything to give back.

Best of luck at the WDS!
Cary
Rezaei, B
Posted at 08:47h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott,

I just want to start off by saying thank you for who you are and what you do. Your a true inspiration to many and to myself. I get your emails at work and I always look forward to reading about what you have to say.

2. What is your best tactic or strategy for meeting new exciting people?

-My best strategy is simply being myself. I feel and believe I have a genuine interest in people and a passion for living and being alive. And I think when I come accross talking to people they can pick up on that. I think it goes back to appreciating yourself, the world around you and the people in it. One major thing thats helped me get better and better at meeting new people is developing self love. As I read in some of the comments above, I can relate to how sometimes you worry that people may judge you or not be interested in what you have to say, but I’ve found when you are truely coming from a place of sinceriety and truth people can really feel the energy and they are drawn in. I try to operate from a perspective which says “I’m here to give” Give of myself – my character and my passion to try to inspire those who I come into contact with. Inspire them to appreciate being alive and to have a genuine zest for life.

I’m always down to listen – feel free to contact me about anything.

Best Regards,

Bardia Rezaei
- Paige | simple mindfulness
  Posted at 17:21h, 27 June Reply
  
  I couldn’t agree with you more Bardia! Accepting yourself just the way you are and being grateful for everything in our lives are critical.
  
  Great answer!
Christina
Posted at 08:56h, 27 June Reply

Well sometimes I’m not even sure who the awesome people I should connect with are, especially offline. But when I find an awesome person/role model I would love to meet and learn from and build a relationship with (usually online), my problem is that I have no idea what to say to them. Most of the time these people are experts and I am a newbie, so I’ve sent emails and commented on posts with questions, but then what do I do to build that virtual online relationship? A few I’ve connected with on LinkedIn, but again, then what do I do?

There’s also a fear of talking to these people because they are experts, they change the world, and they’re probably really busy, and who am I to talk to them? I know it’s irrational but sometimes I feel that way.
- Bardia
  Posted at 09:10h, 27 June Reply
  
  Hi Christina 🙂
  
  I can relate – How do you know who the awesome people are? I mean we live in a day and age where communication is getting less and less personable and you might not say more than a “Hello how are you” to most people you meet in brief instances.
  
  I think as far as what to say goes – just be yourself, ask questions that are on your mind, express how you feel about certain subjects or areas and then people can respond accordingly. I think it would be a great idea to continue to building online relationships. Social netowrking is a beautiful thing and should be embraced in helping you find other people who are like minded or others you can learn from and be inspired.
  
  I’m always here to listen and help.
  
  Warmest,
  Bardia Rezaei
- Paul Dennis
  Posted at 13:52h, 19 July Reply
  
  Hey Christina,
  
  I just felt like adding a quick comment. This applies to others on here too, but when I read your comment felt like replying to it 🙂
  
  In this comment I’m only talking about wondering what else to say to sort of keep the friendship and conversation going. I’ve found that sometimes, even when I love all of the information someone puts out there on a blog or whatever, we may not actually connect on the friend level, just because we may have different personal interests. For example, you and I share a common interest in Live Your Legend since we are here, but in addition to that, we each have so many unique qualities and interests, that we might only be able to connect on the level of this website. On the other hand, we might share a LOT of similar interests and would hit it off in a conversation. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that if I am in that situation, and if it seems like I am trying hard to keep the conversation going and it feels a bit forced, almost like I “should” keep it going, then I ask myself if I would keep a conversation going with that person if I were to have met them on the street or at a party/seminar etc. If I wouldn’t, then it’s a freeing feeling to realize there are so many people out there that we can connect with on a more deeper friendship level, and many of them are a LOT like us. In those cases, it is very easy to have an ongoing conversation, since you both naturally gravitate to each other’s interests. In either case you have made a connection that can come in handy if needed. I’m not sure if this helps you at all, but I wanted to share my experience and what I’ve learned that helps me.
  
  Paul
Ruth R
Posted at 09:14h, 27 June Reply

Hi

I am a newbie to you and your site and am find it inspiring and terrifying in equal measures so thank you. The answer to question 1 for me is that I think/believe? that I have nothing to offer and will only look stupid but with a yearning to make a connection with those who live their lives in the way I would like to. Basically I don’t believe I measure up. Here’s hoping if I keep reading and working through your site I will change this and my life.

Love and light

Ruth
Eric
Posted at 09:47h, 27 June Reply

Lack of confidence in self.
Fear of rejection.
Patti S.
Posted at 09:49h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott,

I can list several challenges: f1) True isolation ( I live in a rural community) 2) familial obligations. I am single Mom of 4 kids (5 actually, but my oldest is quite independent and in college). My oldest son has a disability that requires all of us to live differently than we would otherwise. 3) Inability to find local people who have similar interests as mine (screenwriter) and assuming they are out there — my family obligations keep me right here at my desk, yard or errands…. 4) I am just a square peg whose lost the desire to fit in a round hole. Lately, I just don’t give a damn who I offend anymore or if my work is subpar. ( I don’t believe it is — but I used to think my work had to be “perfect” before I sent it out). Now, I figure it’s now or never. Take my lumps and keep sending it out in spite of myself and my fears. If I get to a point I can name any results as “success” I’ll happily let you know.

I am GRATEFUL for the contacts I’ve been able to make online. There are many resources and forums for Screenwriting. I am pushing myself forward in spite of my challenges and fears. Each day that I make myself do something I am a bit “afraid” of is another day I become stronger and able to face yet a larger challenge.

Something I tell myself (and I tell my kids to say this, too, when they are afraid of something): “Whisper to yourself, ‘I can do this.'” It’s amazing what those simple words can do to fortify one’s self.

Thank you for your website, newsletters and inspirational messages — I enjoy them very much.

Bests,
Patti S.
- Paige | simple mindfulness
  Posted at 17:28h, 27 June Reply
  
  Patti,
  
  I share all of your challenges (except for a child with a disability). I’ve chosen my lifestyle and have found ways of connecting and being successful in that lifestyle.
  
  You’ve got some great perspectives and practices that you’re sharing with your children. Bravo! I just wrote a post on how we define success. Given what you’ve written here, you sound quite successful to me in many areas. It’s all in our perspective.
Clair
Posted at 09:51h, 27 June Reply

Fear of being out of my league – not being as great as the people I want to surround myself with.
- Bardia
  Posted at 10:56h, 27 June Reply
  
  Hi Clair,
  
  I know the fear can be powerfuly at times, but be strong. Shift your perspective – instead of viewing the interaction is a scale of greater and lower – see it as a mutual exchange of information in which both people learn and grow WITH each other. Everone started in the same place – its a level playing field. Those who are where they are were once in your shoes too. So they understand 🙂
  
  Regards,
  
  Bardia Rezaei
Beth O'Donnell
Posted at 09:54h, 27 June Reply

My biggest fear is that I have nothing to offer the person– why would a “world class person” want to talk to me? I think there are so many people wanting something from the well-known that they are sick of it and suspicious of everyone who makes contact. I have met and know/am known by current and former Senators, Congressmen, Governors and even the VPOTUS but I wouldn’t dream of reaching out to them for anything other than help resolving a problem with bureaucracy.
Peter EGUNBIYI
Posted at 11:22h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott,

Fear of rejection or being ignored;

It appears they belong to a special club with stringent entry conditions. It is mainly financial.

Family background Status appears to play a major role in this regard. Someone from a rich family is always acceptable. It is usually assumed that wealthy families are
more passionate.

It’s quite unfortunate that COLOR plays a major role. Being black alone could be a reason for rejection or being ignored.

Thank you
Tanner Colton
Posted at 12:10h, 27 June Reply

Hey Scott,
Great project idea and great way to get material. I want to sort of piggyback off what Anna Brown said up a ways that my biggest challenge is finding authenticity in the world of blogging and writing. I am fairly new to this thing and have found that trying to create something of worth for the sake of helping others can be challenging to network with. As Anna was saying it seems to be more about getting people to buy into your ideas to buy your products rather than what I can do to help others. So the biggest challenge would be weeding out the disingenuous and those focused on gain and find the folks who really want to make a difference, like yourself! Thanks Scott.
lisa pignetti
Posted at 12:52h, 27 June Reply

Biggest challenge or fear keeping me from networking:
Fear of rejection, for sure, but also it’s that i haven’t figured out what i want to do yet so i have no blog/website/product to point anybody to. I comment on blogs, email people to let them know when something they say or do really resonates with me, etc., and often get great responses, but I don’t have anything to share yet of my own. I feel like I’m not a “player”, just a fan. 😉
Tim
Posted at 14:17h, 27 June Reply

sequence of things that led me to be in this “shell” where I am afraid to go out and meet people:
– never been outgoing so I didn’t converse with people much
– led to lack of communication skills
– led to feeling uncomfortable in social settings
– led to a fear of awkward situations created by my lack of communication skills
– led to a fear of meeting people
– led to feeling insecure
– led to an attempt to hide my insecurity by acting like I don’t care
– led to actually not caring as this “act” became a habit and became actually who i am
– led to loss of motivation
As a result, even when somewhere deep inside I want to build a big social network, and meet new people discover myself through the process, my brain has gotten too used to resorting to: “why should I care” or “why does it matter” – automatic rejection message that has materialized to deny to myself that i’m insecure, essentially lying to myself because that’s the less painful option.

I have followed LYL for a while, but I think I’m a lost case. I will keep following though – keeping my hope alive even when i have surrendered to my weakness; hope to one day find that anger, the frustration, the energy, the fuel to crack the shell i hide myself in. I don’t know if anything I wrote makes sense at all, I apologize if it didn’t.

Goodluck with everything you do Scott.
Paige | simple mindfulness
Posted at 17:08h, 27 June Reply

My answer to #2:
1) I overcame my fears of getting out there and meeting people by forcing myself to get out there and meet people (did this in an effort to find a job a few years ago). After doing it as almost a full-time job for about 6 months, I LOVED it (and I’m a major introvert). I love meeting and learning the “real story” behind people.

In this process I learned to forget about myself and absorb myself in the other person’s story. By being much less concerned about what others think of me, I have more fun and drop most of the fears.

2) Find the interesting people or groups that I want to learn from and swim in their pond. Hang out where they hang out and keep up on what’s going on in their lives, how they think, what’s important to them.

3) While following step 2, look for opportunities to help them. Sometimes they’ll come out and ask for help and other times I’ll sense a need or connection where I can help.

4) Contact them directly (usually by email, sometimes by phone) with a short message of how I’ve been following them or how I know them, a brief description of how I learned of their need and how I can help.

5) Follow up as necessary but don’t be a pain. Be helpful.

I’m usually passionate about something the person I want to meet is passionate about so we have something in common. I want to help them because I love what they’re doing and I want them to be successful because it’s a great cause. I’m not looking for notoriety. It’s all about the cause and working together to help more people.
Sarah Hart
Posted at 17:17h, 27 June Reply

Hey Scott,

To answer question #1, my issue is with identifying the group of people I want to reach out to. After recently leaving behind a career that I’ve finally admitted isn’t true to who I am, I find myself trying to dig deep and answer WHO I want to be and WHO I want to connect with. I feel it will be largely different from the path I’ve been on and the people I’ve been with.

In this process I’ve connected with a lot of individuals who’ve followed their passion. Whatever their passion is. And documented their stories on my blog (fthedesk.com), because I find their drive to follow a dream hugely influential and inspiring regardless of what their particular path is.

Speaking of which, thanks for being an inspiration on my journey!

Sarah
Kelly
Posted at 18:40h, 27 June Reply

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

For me, it’s a couple things that add up to isolation.

First, I’m not doing anything. I’m one of those guys that goes to a decent paying job I don’t like every day to pay the bills.

I don’t jump in to do something cool or fun or exciting or that I’m passionate about because I have no clue what that is. Not that I haven’t pondered and somewhat explored that idea for years, usually with depressing if not disasterous results.

So, if I’m doing nothing, why have people help me?

If people are doing cool stuff, why waste their time. They are already doing cool stuff.

So I silently absorb from the peripheral and rarely if ever participate…
- ko
  Posted at 20:05h, 27 June Reply
  
  can relate to this on a HUGE scale…
Amnysia
Posted at 19:55h, 27 June Reply

I would say my fear is “being ignored” or appearing to be a “groupie” (for the more popular folks). But for others, it’s a feeling of bothering them when my message may not mesh with their current focus. Being a pest–as if I was knocking on their door just past a reasonable hour of the night.

Also, I work in Internet consulting and have since commercial Websites began. But now, they teach Internet strategies & philosophies in University that were being developed while I was in the business–often by clients I was working with! So, often I feel “outsmarted” in conversations with new entrants to the business because I don’t know the name of a “philosophy” or “concept” being taught in schools today. Even when I was involved in their development! LOL. So I don’t participate in many conversations with new people to the biz because I don’t know the latest lingo–and a fear that I will be called out as a dinosaur far before any chance of receiving social security. 🙂
ko
Posted at 20:02h, 27 June Reply

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters….

Rejection is highly up there and regularly feel I am incompetent and looked own on as being inferior with nothing worthy to offer (no useful skills, no contacts or finances to commit to anything)

But…I know there must be more to ‘it’ than this…
Vinoth
Posted at 20:27h, 27 June Reply

My biggest fear is that I may not have the subject or knowledge to speak with them!! The fear of not asking the right questions to them..most of the time am not having any particular question at all for them.

And one more is, still there s not much credentials or things achieved to tell them about myself and getting connected.
Joel Zaslofsky
Posted at 22:48h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott,

My biggest challenge to having a world-class network of passionate people is moving beyond text-based interaction to verbal interaction.
For example, you and I are having a text-based exchange right now. You created this post in text and I replied to the post in text.

Asynchronous communication is extremely important because the demands on everyone’s time simply don’t allow for people to always interact in real-time. The problem is, relationships can be built up only so far without real-time, verbal communication between a group (or two people in this case, you and me).

In my mind, I’m limited in developing and growing my world-class network of peers, mentor(s), and supporters because I can’t create a strong enough bond to take a relationship to a more genuine, less superficial level. Once I have the opportunity to interact with someone verbally – face-to-face is always best but Skype certainly works too – the connection and value of a relationship takes off.

So if you can help me overcome what is perhaps a self-limiting belief or show me how I can connect verbally with people easier…that would be amazing! I’m not looking to transfer blame for my shortcomings and limitations to a person or object. I’m just looking for tools or resources to get me talking faster to people who will become my future friends, supporters, peers, and mentors.

You know, people like you. 🙂
Turndog Millionaire
Posted at 23:06h, 27 June Reply

1: I suppose it’s just cutting through the mustard. There is so much choice these days, why should people choose me? I feel I speak sense, but do I speak enough to make you choose me ahead of another?

It comes down to being patient, something I’ve never been great at, and keep plugging away. Good things are never easy to get. Luckily I keep hearing great stories of persistence paying off. I cling to these each day

Great engagement with your community by the way 🙂

Matthew (Turndog Millionaire)
Fab
Posted at 23:49h, 27 June Reply

Hi Scott,

as far as the first question, in my opinion it isn’t a matter of fear, it’s just that successful people you speak about have been the “First Version” of themselves for a long time and in so doing they only like to be approached by similar people and not by ordinary people who can be very smart but remain ordinary people!!

In other words, to approach successfully this kind of people, you must offer real added value, there must be a real meaningful mutual exchange, otherwise this kind of people are too busy and uninterested in giving you real good advice!!

An example: some years ago ( 3 or 4 ), Tim Ferriss was invited in Italy by the most famous Italian financial wellness coach, Alfio Bardolla.

He ( Tim ) had to hold some lessons about internet entrepreneurship but he turned it down because the cashet wasn’t good for him!!

And he was approached by Alfio Bardolla who is in close relationship with Tony Robbins ( he put his face to say that A. B. Financial Courses offer real value), hence, a normal guy who has set up just a decent online business ( nothing special but decent), how can he approach successfully a person like Tim Ferriss??

The Mission is quite Impossible!!

Apart from that, in my opinion you are putting too much emphasis on this aspect, networking heavily with successful people, instead, in my opinion, you should put much more emphasis on being the “First Version of Yourself” that is the right and most useful attitude to discover your true passion that in the end is the main issue of your website!!!!

All the best!

Fab, greetings from Malta.
Izzy
Posted at 00:06h, 28 June Reply

So I’ll go ahead and tackle number 1

What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

What a great question. I guess my answer would have to be becauet it is darn hard to find world class people. Now, please don’t think this is an excuse. I know online and in my life there are a plethora of world class people. The first step is finding them and connecting with them.

Next, comes developing a genuine and real relationships with them. I think world class people want to develop relationships with other world class people. Therefore I am always trying to work on myself. I read about 4 non fiction books per month, enroll in online courses and try to make the most of everyday.

I feel like meeting these types of people is a process. I will admit that it can also be intimidating to reach out to some people.

I know this doesn’t fully answer the question but it does begin to address it. I’ll be interested to see what others have to say.
Ben Edwards
Posted at 01:07h, 28 June Reply

Hey Scott, I emailed you a while back about this but I’ll put them here as well. One of my challenges is that I don’t prioritize connecting/networking.

I don’t have a lot of free time so often I focus on getting work done as opposed to connecting with people and maintaining relationships.
Christine Taylor
Posted at 03:26h, 28 June Reply

My reply ro Question 1 :

My inability to market myself as being able to add value/influence to THEIR lives.
Coy
Posted at 04:08h, 28 June Reply

Biggest fear in connecting is not knowing what value I can bring to the relationship. I know you are supposed to give, give, and then give some more to develop solid relationships. Finding what to give is my challenge.
Fab
Posted at 05:11h, 28 June Reply

Hi Scott,

in relation to my previous post, I’d like to add this integration.

The chance to connect successfully with outstanding people is just a consequence because it is very often the last step of the following steps:

“First of all, make what is necessary.After, make what is possible. And then you’ll find yourself to make what is impossible” by Saint Francis of Assisi

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_of_Assisi

In other words:

1)Become the First Version of Yourself.

2)Be persistently the First Version of Yourself and in so doing you’ll create something really valuable.

3)Once you have passed the previous two steps, you can make the impossible: networking with outstanding people and use this very powerful leverage.

Obviously, you can start to connect with outstanding people while you are in the step n. 2 but you must show that you are creating something really valuable!!

You Scott said that you are interested in writing a book about how to connect effectively with passionate, outstanding people, that’s ok, but in my opinion your talent would be far better applied and rewarded in the first two steps which are the so called “Conditio sine qua non” ( It is an absolutely indispensible condition ) to be able to make that kind of powerful networking!!

In other words, the third step is just a consequence!!

Unless you work in the fashion or in the show business where they often sell smoke and PR, Networking are everything!!

All the best!

Fab, greetings from Malta.
Carol Wood
Posted at 06:26h, 28 June Reply

Biggest fears about meeting interesting & passionate people is:
1.Not completely sure who they are to begin with.
2.Not being able to relate to them or ask intelligent questions of them.
3.Not having anything of value to bring to the conversation.

Just found this page/site & spent an hour going through it. Looking forward to following it.
Carol
Daniel
Posted at 07:04h, 28 June Reply

My response is very similar to Kelly’s above…

For me, the biggest challenge is a lack of money. I’ve been at negative cash flow since I started college 18 years ago. Things got no better after graduating. I’m still looking for that “good paying” job, or jobs. So, like Kelly above, I don’t do anything…both because I can’t afford to do anything, and I’ve long ago forgotten what I’m passionate about…

Once a decent income is in place, and I can feed myself on a regular basis, then I can start looking at what I’m passionate about again, until then it’s pay the bills. Since 95+% of the jobs I apply for are jobs I have absolutely no interest in besides a paycheck, then it’s going to seem like a very long time until I can start doing something I love.
Stephanie
Posted at 07:12h, 28 June Reply

I would love to have a bigger network with inspiring amazing people who are making a positive change in the world with their business, but what holds me back is the thought: “what would be a good reason for them to connect with me?” “why would they want to connect with me?” and “what concrete reason I have to connect with them?”… apart from the fact that it is nice to have someone like that in my network.

Good luck with your new ebook!
Blake Knebel
Posted at 07:27h, 28 June Reply

My biggest challenge was getting over the scrutiny of my current “friends” and my family. There’s that point where you feel stuck with the people who are bringing you down. The important realization is that your family and true friends want what’s best for you. You need to stop worrying about negative judgements and just follow your passion – even if that means leaving some people behind.

I first started a few months ago with a personal blog – opening myself up to anyone who cared to read. That’s where I found my greatest support. From there, I gained enough confidence to outwardly share more of my true self. I ran my first half-marathon and offered to coach my friends – I was doing something I really enjoyed and was able to share it.

Later, I began volunteering with local charities that I really cared about. I just put myself out there, knowing that I would be helping my community in a way that was important to me and that I would likely meet people doing the same. It often only takes a quick email.

The biggest step for me was starting my blog. Even though I didn’t expect a high readership, it was the perfect place to define who I was and who I want to be. It’s a psychological element of knowing that a part of your true self is out there in the world. Growing from there becomes much easier.
- Bardia
  Posted at 11:59h, 28 June Reply
  
  Hi Blake,
  
  I really like your comment. I think its a traditional scenario many can relate to – not having the right support or buying into your friends or families negativity around you which stops you from fully expressing and being your true self. I would like to read your blog – as I am on my way to starting a blog as well. In just the last couple months I feel like my life has changed for the better as I embrace who I am and share my passion with the world. What I’ve found is when you come from a place of genuine care and passion – people respect it and are drawn to it – even if it might be something that they dont totally agree on or resonates with their own sense of being. We all are at different places in our life, but its beautiful when we can come togther and share a common ground. Shoot me an email if you check back on this at LifeInk99@gmail.com – I’d like to connect further if possible.
  
  Best Regards,
  
  Bardia Rezaei
Steve
Posted at 13:15h, 28 June Reply

What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters? My biggest challenge is getting these people to respond. I know and believe in the saying that “you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”, but it seems very challenging to meet and hang out with very successful people. I have tried to start master-mind groups, but only attract people that are about at my own level – the very successful ones don’t seem to be interested unless it is started by one of their own peers, or someone already at their level. I look forward to your info on this subject – I know it is important, but how do I get these people to respond?
CJ
Posted at 14:53h, 28 June Reply

What is your biggest fear?

The very first fear is always that I’m not good enough. It shows up in different ways but it always boils down to that same sentence that freezes me from making any kind of a connection because I’ve decided the other person is somehow above me (which is fun when the person is the new guy at work)

Or it pops up with a lovely “your idea isn’t great” or worse, when I’ve met someone who can help and who is even more excited about the possibilities than I am, that fear comes right back with “you’re not good enough to do that.”

It makes not just meeting people difficult but even making progress on my big goals because some part of my mind is constantly trying to kick the ladder out from under me with the idea I don’t belong up among the stars.
Tal Gur
Posted at 17:16h, 28 June Reply

Hey Scott! A quick comment to say that I’ll be at your WDS talk next week and looking forward to connect face to face.

Cheers
Tal
Jonathan
Posted at 17:55h, 28 June Reply

1. Biggest fear, challenges from building network of inspiring peers / mentors / supporters.
Excuses. I haven’t exercised my ‘decision making’ muscle hard enough, to just make up my mind on what I want and just go for it. Often I spent hours researching on who’s the perfect mentor for me to learn from, because I was stupid to want to get it perfect, instead of learning how to make mistake.pick someone, and start learning straight away, and RECALIBRATE along the way. lesson learnt.
Excuses: I don’t have the time. because it’s not PAINFUL (twin pillars) enough to want it so bad. If I want it so bad, I would totally do it. Obviously I haven’t got my priorities right haven’t i. Hm.. not good.
Ego Trip: what if they don’t like me? what if I’m a nobody? What if they don’t like my idea?
Scott, your quality questions really burns my butt, smack me hard.
2. Best tactic meeting new exciting people?
Don’t think. Go up and say hi. Ask if you can ask him / her out for a coffee to get to know him better. Make the person my focus, instead of my fear holding me back. And keep practicing.
Just yesterday, I was on my way to gym, and I walked past this absolutely gorgeous guy, sitting on a mall bench, admiring the buskers, I couldn’t help but stopped and watched him. He’s just beautiful and excellent smile. I said to myself, I could walk past and go straight to gym, and my day would just be like yesterday, but if I take my chances, what’s the worse that could happen? He said no. (stop thinking already Jonathan..GO)…I saw myself, walked up to him, sat right next to him, and this is what I said
Jon: “I’m sorry, I was walking past and I though you look absolutely stunning. Is there any chance I could maybe grab a drink with you, to get to know you more?’
Stranger: “I’m actually waiting for my friend to text me back to catch up, but he hasn’t replied. So, yes, I can grab a quick drink with you’
Long story short, we shared a coffee, I made him my focus, genuinely interested in him (how to wins friends and influence people) and find common ground to connect with him. It was actually his 25th birthday and he is from Sydney, and this was his first time here in Melbourne just for the weekend.
Millions could have walked past, but I walked up and said hi. We had the best time, exchanged phone numbers, I don’t know where this will lead us, but I’ll never know unless I give myself a chance. And because of all these random, exciting people I meet, my life is forever changed, enriched.
3. Example of meeting someone
Permission vs. forgiveness. Don’t think, just do it. I wanted to seek advise from Steve from Nerd Fitness with my own fitness page. But I was afraid of how I might get judged, and wonder if I am worth of his time. I even asked a few friends about it, most of them said, nah, you need to be somebody first before you do that..
But I thought stuff it, I’m just gonna write to him. And guess what? he replied. I didn’t meet with him in person, but he was totally cool about the whole thing, and even offered to help out with any questions I have. He gave me a few tips, and pointed me in the right direction.

GET MYSELF OUT OF THE WAY. FOLLOW DIRECTIONS. AND LIVE PASSIONATELY.
Robert Y
Posted at 21:41h, 28 June Reply

Hello!

The biggest challenge I see that’s slowing me down from building a network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors or supporters is being unsure in what area to look for these people, and then not quite knowing the “best” or ideal places to meet these people.

LiveYourLegend.net and related websites seem like good places to start in terms of building connections with inspired people, but I’ve been uncertain of where in the world around me to begin.

-Robert
Tamara Epps
Posted at 02:50h, 29 June Reply

My biggest challenge in meeting people and creating a network is that I’m housebound (unable to leave my house very often). I try and do most of my connecting online but am continuously being told that it isn’t a good substitute for really meeting people. Therefore I figure I need to find a way to connect with people locally who have the same interests – but I have no idea how to find these people (which I’d have to do via online).
Missi
Posted at 05:02h, 29 June Reply

I live overseas, as an international teacher. Many of the teachers I work with are negative and will most likely bring me down. Sadly, jealously and ego issues are rampart.

Also honestly, I haven’t really put myself out there to meet other foreigners in my host country who may be passionate about I’m writing about. So, what’s holding me back is procrastination, laziness, fear of failure or fear of what others may say.
Tess The Bold Life
Posted at 07:03h, 29 June Reply

No. 3

In my preblogging life I was a psychologist in private practice. One of my clients was an event planner. Her company hired Christopher Reeve to be a speaker at one of the events.

I fell in love with Christopher after reading his biography, “I’m Still Me.” He wrote it after the accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down.

In spite of losing his most basic freedom — the freedom to move, he continued to juggle his acting and directing careers, political activism, his foundation and his role as a husband and father. He did this while undergoing intense physical therapy to maintain his health. He had an “in spite of” attitude.

My client gave me several tickets, I took my husband, 4 daughters, parents (it was the first time they met anyone famous) and several friends.

There was a meet and greet with photos in the contract, therefore we not only met him but had a photo taken with him.

We were told to be careful not to touch him or his wheel chair because the wrong move could disrupt his ventilator and he would die.
We had a photo taken with him as well.

He still remains one of my all time favorite heroes.

I also met and was interviewed by David Duchovny, (I was an addictions counselor) for the Penn and Teller show. However my favorite famous person was Christopher.
Cathie
Posted at 08:23h, 29 June Reply

I don’t know any. I feel I’m engaged, excited and going for it in my life, but I don’t know anyone else who is and don’t know how to find them.
Martin
Posted at 10:55h, 29 June Reply

fear to loose, fear to fail, fear to leave the confort zone…im stupid i know…
CMHFFEMT
Posted at 13:13h, 29 June Reply

Personally I think one of the bigges things that keep me from creating the peer group you describe is location. I think that it is easier to meet people like you are decribing in more urban and affluent areas than rural area’s..Notice I said easier and not impossible. The other reason is comfort. Its always easier to stick with what you know than to risk the unknown.
Rachel Denning
Posted at 13:40h, 29 June Reply

My biggest fear is not being ‘successful enough’ to connect with ‘successful’ people, and not having enough of a track record to show that I’m a ‘big player’. Make sense?

Biggest challenge? Location. You’re in San Francisco meeting lots of great people. I don’t want to live in a place like that. I’m in Guatemala, and my neighbors live in shacks (literally), and many of them can’t even read.
Christopher
Posted at 14:22h, 29 June Reply

Answer to 1: Too many powerhouse females and man-crushes that are doing amazing things. Lack of focus on who to court.

Gratitude for all you do Scott.
Steven Luibrand
Posted at 17:13h, 29 June Reply

Hey Scott,

1. The past. I feel inferior to the people I admire because of all the times I’ve played it safe, gotten stuck in disconnection of purpose, made mistakes, mis-represented myself as a person, done stupid things because I wasn’t clear on who I am. I’m afraid that I won’t be liked and accepted for who I am, or I’ll get rejected. It all comes down to fear of rejection/failure. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid of acceptance/success too.

2. I set myself up to be in the same place at the same time, and build a friendship from there. Often that involves sending them a letter or an email to find out where they’re going to be, and that I’m interested in meeting. Sometimes this just means paying attention to social networking sites for an opportunity.

3. I first met Tim Ferriss and Leo Babauta by going to an event at which they were speaking. They are both seriously cool people and a joy to talk to.
Jon Wilburn
Posted at 05:36h, 30 June Reply

The feeling that once I reach out I have nothing to offer. I know that is just an excuse but it’s what I tell my self. Also, procrastination. I don’t do what I want, it seems I only do what I don’t want to do – which is nothing.
Gail
Posted at 08:12h, 30 June Reply

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

My biggest challenge is desire–I have no real desire to meet new people, but I guess that’s not really true. I’d love to be friends with people who are excited about life, who are nonjudgmental, who really want to make a difference in the lives of others, who want to leave a legacy, who are not centered only on themselves, but I’ve found few that meet these criteria.

2. What is your best tactic or strategy for meeting new exciting people?

One way I intend to meet new people is to contact businesses and non profits and offer to write a book for their business or agency or to tell their story.
Aaron
Posted at 09:09h, 30 June Reply

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

My biggest fear is that I won’t come across as genuine, that people will see me as someone looking for something without a benefit for them in return. I’m also a little unsure where and how I would go about making a network of supporters other than family in this day and age.
Crystal
Posted at 09:15h, 30 June Reply

Fortunately I don’t have the kind of self-esteem issues that keep me from thinking I’m good enough to talk to a person who happens to be smart, successful, wealthy, or what-have-you. I do understand that everyone is human and everyone has needs and I have things to offer as a fellow human…sure, maybe I won’t have anything to say of “substance” if it’s let’s say a rocket scientist who only likes to talk about rocket science…but, I’ll still talk to him or her without fear because I’m great at conversational tricks that appeal to almost anyone, such as focusing on the other, making relaxing (non-intimidating, non-threatening, non-targeted) small talk, complimenting, listening, laughing, and asking questions from a position of ignorance without being embarrassed about said ignorance. (I have no problem looking ignorant considering that everyone has to start somewhere). These took time to develop but I now feel pretty good in my “meeting-people” social skills.

Most of the people I meet though, through parties I attend, are like me and more of the same people I already know: single, 9-to-5, fun, usually relatively successful or attractive or both.

Only recently has it occurred to me that there are entire other stratospheres of people that I never meet because they simply don’t hang out with the people I hang out with. My group’s focus is on fun – maybe the inspiring people focus on something else? While I’m out having (meaningless) fun, maybe these people are out building something that wasn’t there before that will make a difference in the world; something that gives them the reason for getting up everyday for which I’m searching.

So, to answer the question, my biggest challenge or fear keeping me from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters is that I don’t know who it is I should be meeting. I don’t know how to single out the ones I need to be around.

It’s occurring to me as I’m writing this that my network is probably pretty good. I do know CEOs and entrepreneurs. Are THEY the ones I need to focus on? I try to treat everyone the same and focus on their personality which is one reason I think people tolerate me and invite me to things. I think where I need help is figuring out what to ask of my successful friends…how to shift the focus of my interactions with them from fun to more serious stuff…afterall, I don’t want to bore or take advantage of them if they are out trying to have fun by making them talk about work. What do I ask them?

And, who do I need to meet? How do I know if they should be part of my network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

Thanks Scott for your inspiring posts.
Candice Glenday
Posted at 13:47h, 30 June Reply

Dear Scott,

I believe that I do have the talent to connect with people. However, when it comes to connecting with someone who I admire and respect, it seems as if all my language skills disappear and I become speechless! I dont seem to know what to ask them, how to interact with them and I feel so dumb. Later, I regret my poor interaction and all the questions that I would have liked to ask flood my mind, leaving me in a serious state of desperation. What is wrong with me, I ask? Where have your brains gone to? I have great ideas but when it comes to sharing them, I get lost in my own world, paralyzed, frustrated. Therefore, the biggest challenge or fear that keeps me from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters is my absolute silence when I am in front of a person I admire in utter fear of saying something stupid. I suppose it is a deep concern of not wanting to invade the persons’s space and a profound sense of respect, which ends up reducing me to silence.
Well, I think many people might have the same problem. I would love to know what advice you could give us.
Thanks for all the fantastic work you do!
Candice.
Emma
Posted at 21:57h, 30 June Reply

I have found success in connecting with people who inspire me by just…being myself and doing it i.e. approaching them. More often then not they will respond and if they don’t – I accept that this is ok, possibly a sign that it’s not right for now and I move on knowing that I did my part in extending myself to create a connection.
Sometimes I just say exactly how I feel – I really admire you and I want to learn from you- could you please share, support or help me? You will be surprised how willing talented, famous, inspiring etc people are open and grateful to do that.
What have we got to lose?

I suppose the greatest challenge personally is seeing every person I have the opportunity to interact with has a lesson to offer if I am willing to seek it. Everyone has something to offer, often I forget this and can instead strive to surround myself with people who have an elusive status- rather than my next door neighbour, person at the gym etc

Thanks Scott for sharing your stuff!
Emma
Emma
Posted at 03:58h, 01 July Reply

The enjoyment I get from connecting with people has developed into something quite extraordinary their being lights up my soul. There is something within everyone I connect with sometimes not easily seen but its there and it melts my heart. I think it can seem that something is greater than something else but this can be an illusion and I would not want to put the pressure on anyone to be something more than they are, we are all human after all.
ysisaysogbeh
Posted at 07:43h, 02 July Reply

Hey Scott,

I have had many encounters where I have been able to successfully make connections with people I admire, who inspire me, or would like to meet. When I read this question I went round and round trying to put my finger on right tactic or strategy. In the end I could come up with nothing more than being willing to take a chance. The World Wide Web has brought the world closer than we could ever expect. With a simple email you can have access to the most amazing people and make them apart of your network.
If you are willing to do the work, EVERYTHING is possible. When you meet amazing people, let them know who you are, how you can help them and how they can help you.
Marco
Posted at 08:54h, 02 July Reply

My biggest challenge is getting rid of the beliefs that I’m a noob and they won’t care listening to me.
Rachel Armbruster
Posted at 15:24h, 02 July Reply

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

Although I have a network that I am very proud of, I feel that the things that hold me back from expanding that group are time and motivation. It is easy to become content with status quo and hard to carve out the time necessary to grow a network. I overcome this by setting small goals for myself such as meeting someone new every week or adding a certain number of new connections (which means I have to reach out to new people before I can make that friend or linkedin request). Setting goals specific to network expansion can be very helpful and keep you on track.

For the people that commented about ‘not adding value’ or ‘fear of rejection’, you never know what someone will find interesting or how you might be able to help someone. Until you speak with them and find out what problems they are trying to solve or if you have shared interests you cannot assume you won’t be of value. AND, anyone worth having in your network will HELP YOU FIND YOUR VALUE in the relationship. I gain something from every person I interact with because I want to and I am looking for it. Start doing that with people in your network and you will start seeing value in yourself at the same time.

2. What is your best tactic or strategy for meeting new exciting people?

I have used several tactics. I below to a group of entrepreneurs and creative thinkers that meet every Friday morning for coffee and there is always someone new and interesting. I read books and then look up the authors and send emails or handwritten notes to tell them what I learned and to thank them for sharing their wisdom. If I am taveling to their city soon I will ask for a meeting – more often than not they say yes (everyone will accept an invite to be told how great they are and what you learned from them!). I am often asked to meet with a friend of a friend to provide career advice or insights into my industry. I always take these meetings and they usually lead to great conversation and an expanded network. I try to create fun activities that bring people together and encourage ‘invite pass-along’ like a scavenger hunt, happy hour, etc.

I think the best tactic is to make it a priority. We all have those people in our lives that we met only briefly and thought they might have more to say or be interesting but we don’t make the time to sit down and talk. Make a list of acquaintenances and pick a couple that you want to get to know better and reach out and ask for some one-on-one time – maybe go for a walk together, meet for coffee, etc.

or

3. What is one success story of you meeting someone you’d always wanted to meet, and how’d you do it?

When I was working as an Account Manager at an ad agency in 2000 in Austin, I wanted to meet Lance Armstrong. My mother had been diagnosed in 1997 with breast cancer and I wanted to help cancer survivors. I knew Lance lived in Austin and had started a Foundation. I learned that a co-worker of mine had a sister that had worked for the Lance Armstrong Foundation previously. I suggested we get everyone together for a happy hour and specifically asked her to invite her sister. I brought my resume with me and gave it to her and offered to volunteer and asked about potential job opportunities. A few weeks later, a member of the LAF board of directors called to ask about getting together to discuss my interest in the organization. After a few months of interviews and strategic discussions, I was offered the position of Director of Events and Sponsorships (November 2000). I met Lance for the first time in December of that yaer. I worked at the LAF for 6 years. I recently wrote a book about my experience with the yellow LIVESTRONG wristband campaign in the hopes that others might be motivated to create fundraising campaigns for their organizations. My interest in making a difference for a group of people was the driving force and that authenticity to my outreach was well received.
Michael Platania
Posted at 15:28h, 02 July Reply

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

The fear that I would be bothering them because I am just starting out, trying to figure out how to make this work for me, and since I don’t really have the skill or talent to be successful, they don’t want/need to hear from someone like me – I would be intruding and wasting their time.
Scott
Posted at 01:33h, 03 July Reply

Amazing responses everyone. Thank you so much! The talk, the course and what we offer on Live Your Legend is going to be SO much more useful because of all you.

I can’t wait for what’s next!
Johanna Rustia
Posted at 10:57h, 03 July Reply

Hi Scott

Thank you for posing such a great question, I think your post Rule #1: Surround Yourself with Passionate People, is what planted the seed of how critical this is and the point you make about “Brainwash the impossible” iis something I have experienced.
Its when I’ve been in the midst of people who are achieving goals that wasnt in my scope that something in my psyche changed. Whatever, these people were doing became my reality and than it didnt seem so daunting, it just became status quo.

Theres a study that explains this http://www.simplypsychology.org/Social-Facilitation.html
In Triplett’s research on the speed records of cyclists, he noticed that racing against each other rather than against the clock alone increased the cyclists’ speeds. His experiments demonstrate the co-action effect, a phenomenon whereby increased task performance comes about by the mere presence of others doing the same task.

Initially, my biggest challenge was overcoming the idea I didnt need the support. But now having come as far as I can with my project I convinced that I need the support to get me to the next level.

So my biggest hurdle now is finding a master group and mentor.
Ive tried looking on Meetup so far, but even In NYC its a bit of a challenge. Im seeing that theres no clear path to this, and what Id love to hear about is actionable steps on how to do this.

Thanks!
Johanna
debbie
Posted at 21:25h, 04 July Reply

the biggest thing holding me back is the fact that we are losing our home in foreclosure! We have joined the thousands of Americans out there in losing our home! I have a little art studio that I hope to get going full time as we head into retirement, but we are in our late fifties and now have to start all over again!!! It is too dangerous to leave our full time jobs now, my husband is lucky to have a job at all. He lost his good paying job in the window business when the economy tanked, that he has a job at all is a God send!! But the the person I am most grateful in meeting is my former art teacher, Joan Darflinger, she gave me he encouragement with my paintings and art to get my little studio up and running with my familys’ help!!! Would love to be able to leave this job and do my art full time, but the real world is this job and my husbands’ job provide the paychecks we need to survive!!!
Coralie
Posted at 02:16h, 05 July Reply

Hey Scott,

what is stopping me to connect on the net is that it doesn’t feel genuine at all 🙁

Also: people I would like to connect with are the ones I want some help or advise from. I try to think of way to give them something in exchange but generally I can’t think of a way of making it a win-win situation and that is what is stopping me.

Finally: I wish I could know before reaching out online if I could get along with the person if I meet him/her personally. We learn so much about a person just looking at his body language and also how he interacts in ‘real’ life with other people. I feel this would help me to decide how to approach them so that we both will have a nice time (it kinda links up with creating a win-win situation—> I wish the guy would at least have a nice time talking to me and in exchange I will take on as many advises as I can!! :-))

Anyway I look forward to your course!!
Cheers,
Co.
Nancy
Posted at 09:37h, 09 July Reply

You nailed it in your talk yesterday. It’s that I don’t think I have anything to offer. And your examples of what I do have to offer really resonated with me.

As a foodie, I could easily put a list together of places in Portland for a visitor to eat. As a writer, I could easily edit/proofread someone’s work and make it more succinct. I really do want to help people.

After your talk, I realized that helping others connect is definitely part of my “big” goal. I think the other components are travel and food. But I have no idea how to put these all together. Thanks for getting the thoughts brewing!
Kasey
Posted at 12:23h, 10 July Reply

Hi Scott,
In answer to question 1, a huge challenge for me is that my current location is so far away from anyone who has similar endeavors to mine who could offer relevant advice. Not only that, but in order for me to reach out to possible collaborators or mentors in my field would require overcoming my own reticent nature, which is a daunting task.
Thank you for your articles; they’ve been immensely helpful in what I do!
saltna
Posted at 16:25h, 10 July Reply

After reading the first comments I would say…Get self confident, be happy with what you are and where you are many “awesome” people are coming to connect with you!
Fab
Posted at 00:54h, 12 July Reply

@Nancy

as far as:

“I think the other components are travel and food. But I have no idea how to put these all together.”

You could make up ( in your free time ) a reality show around the world about these two themes!

Here is a really interesting book with some awesome tips:

http://www.amazon.com/Greenlit-Developing-Factual-Professional-Practice/dp/1408122677/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342079445&sr=8-1&keywords=greenlit

Good luck with your passions!!

Fab, greetings from Italy.
Vicki
Posted at 09:57h, 12 July Reply

Hi Scott,
I went to your talk at WDS. I tried to find you afterward but couldn’t. Can I reach you by email?
Darlene
Posted at 15:33h, 13 July Reply

Hi Scott – sorry I archived some blog posts to read later (now) and I missed commenting before your WDS talk. I was there, you gave me the book and I gave it back to give away again.

My biggest block to having an amazing network is what someone else already mentioned – I’m not actually sure who they are and where to find them. I have awesome networks (including: other photographers; some bloggers; and my new WDS friends) and people in my life the support me. But I’m not sure if these people are my peers, mentors and supporters. Each group sort of fits as peers but not fully because they fit one part of what I do, but not the rest. For example, teaching photography is different than doing it. Blogging is good but most bloggers don’t write about the sort of topics I do or have a similar audience. My family and friends that support me just have no clue really so they don’t help other than to be cheer leaders.

So I’d love to know where to find this illustrious group of peeps.
Wendy Merron
Posted at 22:07h, 13 July Reply

Hi Scott,
I wanted to answer #1, but SO MANY of us have the same response. Even though the thought “who the heck do I think I am to connect with so-and-so,” passes through my mind, I respond and it disappears.

What is one success story of you meeting someone you’d always wanted to meet, and how’d you do it?

‘m a Certified Hypnotist in Wayne, PA. I don’t travel around the world and I don’t know anyone famous except for Dave Braxton who owns Braxton’s Animal Works in Wayne.

A year ago I wrote a list of all the people I would like to connect with to help me market my upcoming book, Powerful Thinking on Purpose. This is my no holds barred, A list of people in the personal development field.

The VERY FIRST name on the list? Jack Canfield (The Success Principles, Chicken Soup for the Soul).

I remember thinking to myself “Boy, wouldn’t it be great if he would read my book and write a blurb for the front of it.”

I can mail it to him when it’s finished. Maybe out of the thousands of letters and books, he might see it. Maybe…

(By-the-way, it will be out in a few months.)

Fast forward a year and I’m at a workshop in Philadelphia run by Steve Harrison. As luck has it, I get to go for free as a guest. Unlike 95% of the attendees who come from all over the country and world, I live 20 minutes away.

The week before the workshop, my friend Bryan tells me to “bring a mock-up of my book.

The workshop was an all day event with…. guess who? Jack Canfield! He shared his secrets to marketing his books and entertained us the entire day.

During the afternoon, he took the mock-up of my book from our table and held it up. He spent the next few minutes brainstorming ideas of follow up books. That was so cool.

At the end of the workshop we were ushered into the hallway where professional photographers took photos of us.

My photo? A grinning me and a smiling Jack Canfield who is holding my book!

How did I do it? By making sure that I focus my thoughts on what I want in my life. How I want to feel, how I want my life to be. Does this come naturally? Not at all. I’m still practicing, just like everyone else.

I really live what I teach: Powerful Thinking on Purpose.

Thanks for letting me share 🙂
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Ask the Reader: What Challenge or Fear Keeps You from Building Relationships with World-Changing People?

27 Jun Ask the Reader: What Challenge or Fear Keeps You from Building Relationships with World-Changing People?

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

2. What is your best tactic or strategy for meeting new exciting people?

3. What is one success story of you meeting someone you’d always wanted to meet, and how did you do it?

The People Change Everything

I want to learn from you.

1. What is your biggest challenge or fear keeping you from having a world-class network of passionate and inspiring peers, mentors and supporters?

2. What is your best tactic or strategy for meeting new exciting people?

3. What is one success story of you meeting someone you’d always wanted to meet, and how did you do it?

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