23 Oct Painful Authenticity: 35 Honest Personal Stories, Fears & Facts You Don’t Know About Me
“Be honestly and unapologetically you. Because you being uniquely you will allow the people you interact with to feel comfortable being uniquely them – perhaps for the first time in their lives. There is no more authentic way to connect and no greater gift to give.”
– Scott Dinsmore
An Important Note on Respect: Today I’m going to take a leap of faith – and share some things with you that I’ve never shared in public.
While a few were fun to write, many of them were not easy for me to publish. I hope they give you a little better feel for the real side of Scott Dinsmore and Live Your Legend. I know that this post is pretty in-depth (I didn’t want to hold anything back), so if you’re pressed for time, please just read the below intro and then the heading of each of the 35 points below. That will take about 3 minutes. You can come back for the rest later.
This is me being me. All I ask is that you be yourself in return. Please share one story or little-known fact about yourself in the comments.
Now for the fun…
Being Yourself Frees Others to do the Same
Last night Chelsea and I had a delicious three-course and four-hour Greek meal at Kokkari, our favorite restaurant in San Francisco. We were treated by two very gracious and really entertaining LYL and Connect with Anyone members, Brandon and Virginia, who were visiting from Toronto.
I thought the meal might last an hour or two, but we actually totally hit it off and had a blast. Crazy how many things we all had in common.
At about hour three, Brandon looked over at me and said “You know Scott, I was really nervous before our meal, but it’s amazing how comfortable this has been and how real you actually are.”
I looked at him and laughed wondering what he expected…
But it got me thinking.
So much of the public world of entrepreneurs, authors, CEO’s and leaders is masked by a huge coat of bullsh*t.
People seem to want to put off this image like they’re perfect. And it’s often out of fear that the people who respect them won’t love them anymore if they show their true colors.
So they paint a false picture and do a huge disservice to everyone who looks up to them and to the world as a whole. By putting up this front, they create these expectations that are impossible to meet. It’s not fair and it’s downright selfish.
At Live Your Legend, I’ve always tried to be as open, clear and real as possible. To share the warts alongside the glory.
But I’ve realized that for the most part, the public image of LYL and Scott Dinsmore almost only showcases the positive. (but certainly not entirely, just have a look at Full Disclosure: 12 Reasons You Probably Shouldn’t Be An Entrepreneur – The story no one tells)
So today I wanted to share a bit more of myself. Some of the good, the bad, the funny and the ugly things about my life and past in a effort to bring us all closer together.
I’m hoping that it will allow you to feel a little more comfortable in sharing who you actually are with our community.
Because when you show who you really are to someone else, it often encourages them to be themselves as well. And sadly, in a world of false images and representations, many people have never gotten the chance to be uniquely who they actually are.
There is no greater gift you can give.
And as it turns out, there is no other way to genuinely connect with those around you.
Authenticity is at the heart of all things successful.
It’s the foundation of a bestseller.
The heart of an inspiring speech.
The core of a business out to change the world.
It’s also the most powerful way to connect as a writer.
And given that nearly 4,000 of you have joined our Start A Blog Challenge, I could not think of any better timing.
It’s so easy today to puff out our chest and act like we have it all figured out.
We only post the best things on Facebook and Twitter, only write blog entries about our crazy experiences, and when we’re out, we try to look our best. Then no one (except maybe those closest to us) gets to see what happens when we get home some nights and lay awake terrified. Only a very few see that we can’t sleep because we don’t know how we’re going to make something work.
But that doesn’t create genuine connection. In fact, it makes people resent you.
So this is how simple it is – be who you are. Not who you want to be or who you think you should be.
Just tell and share your stories and watch what happens.
I’ll go first.
So now it’s time to get real.
Special thanks to my good friends Corbett Barr and Lissa Rankin who have recently inspired a new level of authenticity into the way I live and show up in the world (and a big thanks to all the friends and mentors online and off who constantly hold me to that higher standard – you know who you are).
35 Honest Stories, Fears & Facts I Kinda Wish You Didn’t Know About Me
1. I’m late. Way more than I’d like to be.
And I can’t stand it. I just always try to do things right up until the last minute, and I notoriously underestimate how long everything will take. I’d like to say that I’m incredibly optimistic about what I can accomplish in a day, but if I’m honest, I know that being late hurts me and others. Especially my wife Chelsea, who deals with it way more often than she should have to. It’s something I work on a lot and the past year has gotten better, but I have a long way to go.
2. I love “Chick Flicks”.
I own a copy of The Notebook and watch Love Actually and The Holiday every year. I’m usually the one twisting Chelsea’s arm to watch these instead of the other way around. Growing up with a sister four years my senior will do that to you. I know just about every word in Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Thanks Kristen!
3. I’m terrible at pretty much every sport involving a ball.
I never played sports as a kid and always rebelled against them. As a result, I could not throw a football or kick a soccer ball to save my life. A golf ball is the only one I can manage – if you can even count that. But I love volleyball and I’m slowly improving my skills. Very slowly.
4. I do handstands on the street when I’ve had too much to drink (and when I haven’t).
See the picture above – that’s me playing in Thailand. I love handstands. Especially on grass and beaches. They might be my single favorite physical activity. Anytime I see grass, I’m up on my hands walking around. And when I’ve had a few drinks, I’ve been known to go vertical on the sidewalk outside a bar, restaurant or club. I’m also pretty damn good at them (although Chelsea will tell you my form is terrible) and can walk for minutes on end.
5. I was a rebellious disaster of a child – and even saw a child psychologist a few times.
His name was Barum and he tried to get me to throw a Nerf basketball with him just like you see in the movies (bad idea – read about me and ball sports). Today my parents will tell you that I was just a little “mischievous,” but I put them through way more hell than any parents should have to deal with. We still can’t figure out what caused me to turn around, but it happened sometime between 8th grade and high school. Maybe it was that two-week Outward Bound backpacking adventure I was sent on.
6. I love pastel-colored clothing. My favorite pants are white, pink and mint julep green.
And I’m obsessed with linen. It’s the ultimate leisure clothing. I’m wearing all linen in the handstand picture at the top. And here’s a little sample from “Pink Out” – a rosé wine tasting event Chelsea and I attend in SF each year. They encourage everyone to wear pink. My Pink Panthers made for the perfect pant – I know they look white but they are very light pink micro-corduroys. Btw, if anyone else likes a little flare, you gotta check out Bonobos online men’s clothing. Their stuff is so fun – been buying from Andy and his team since they were selling out of their apartment.
7. I am a terrible speller. Like awful.
In fact, I just tried to look up how to spell “mischievous” and Google couldn’t even figure out what I was looking for because I was spelling it with a “G”. Thank God for spell check and Cherilyn, my editor!
8. I’m sometimes not as good of a manager as I want to be or as fair to the people I work with as I’d like, but I’m learning.
I always thought I’d run a business with me as the only employee. I wanted to keep it simple. But in the past year, I’ve realized how crucial the right talented people are to the future of the Live Your Legend movement. I’m so grateful to have the team I do, but I know I have so much to learn about management. It’s a constant evolution and I thank them for being patient.
9. I can’t stand seeing people waste their potential.
I don’t think there’s anything more frustrating. I so badly want to do something to help them, but I know it’s useless until someone decides they want to operate on a higher level. At times this leads to some uncomfortable, intense and heated conversations.
10. I can be really stubborn.
Goes with the point above. When I’m dead set on a idea, it’s very hard for me to get myself to let up. This can be frustrating for those close to me.
11. My wife Chelsea is far and away the best thing that’s ever happened to my life.
I managed to marry up in a such a huge way. She makes everything better. She’s unbelievably selfless and loving. She’s obsessed with cooking delicious vegan food (check out her Creamy Vegan Roasted Tomato and Eggplant Sauce Pasta or her Peanut Butter & Chia Jam Thumbprint Cookies on her site Food-Life Balance). She’s my best friend and we seriously have the most amazing life together. She’s also my Chief Balance Officer. Her calm, balance and chill approach to life is the best medicine in the world. Our wedding was easily the best day of my life. Here’s a short trailer from the big day…
Don’t see a video? Click here.
12. I’m obsessed with eating and often eat when I’m not hungry.
I read and learn a ton about food, nutrition, health and overall well-being, and most days I eat a super healthy plant-based vegan diet. But from time to time I still find myself emotional eating and consuming sweets and things I know don’t belong in my body. It feels like I can’t stop eating because I love putting food in my mouth. Seriously – I think I have an issue with it. Maybe that’s why I’m so crazy about fitness and eating only plants. It’s pretty tough to O.D. on salad.
Chelsea and I also happen to have food-focused lives. She cooks amazing meals for her recipe blog The Simple Kitchen (which is a pretty nice side benefit for me, the taste-tester..). And when we travel, it’s not uncommon for us to be talking about dinner while we’re having lunch. When I travel and go to events, what’s going to be eaten is often front of mind. I’m actually a bit concerned that eventually it’s going to catch up with me…
13. I fail often and I failed for four years straight.
The blog I ran before Live Your Legend was called Reading For Your Success. I wrote personal development book reviews for four years straight, while it grew by exactly zero percent. The only real people paying attention were Chelsea and my mom and dad. It was very frustrating, but it allowed me to find my voice. And for Live Your Legend to become what it is today. I fail at things all the time. Earlier this year I thought I could start a stand-up desk business with a friend “on the side.” Who was I kidding? I’ve come to embrace failure as part of the never ending life of experiments and learning. Now it’s kinda fun.
14. I’m scared that I’ll always live in the shadow of my parents’ success.
I was fortunate to be born into a incredibly supportive and close family. My parents are some of my best friends and mentors in the world. My father was also quite successful in his business endeavors. For years I tried to follow in his footsteps, which was brutally hard on me. It wasn’t until I found my own path with Live Your Legend that I really felt like I could be myself.
But to this day, I know there are lots of people who think things like, “Oh sure, Scott’s successful because he had that easy start from his family.” A number of them have even said it straight to my face. It used to hurt me. And it’s very possible that no matter what I build or achieve, that some people will always say things like that. The difference now is that I know that’s not in my control, and I no longer care about what they think.
I built Live Your Legend from scratch, over the past 7+ years with zero outside investment (it took me $67 to start) and no special family connections. I knew nobody in the space when I started. I’m damn proud of what it’s turned into. People can say that I was one of the “lucky ones,” but I’ve worked my face off to build what I’ve built. The only family help I’ve had is their undying encouragement and some really fun brainstorming with dad – my Chief Strategist. That’s been priceless. Here’s a sneak peak a the possible Dinsmore family Christmas card candidate for this year (a tad over-staged I know, and yes, that’s me wearing white pants and linen…)
15. Sometimes I feel like email runs my life.
For the life of me, I cannot seem to get ahead of my email box. My personal email has 51 unread emails in it, and it’s Monday morning (it had nearly zero yesterday). Not to mention LYL email that has well over 200 – but thankfully my team does an awesome job of handling the LYL part. I’ve tried so many things to handle email in a smoother way, but it’s been this crazy beast. I’m getting better, but I’m still not at all proud of how much time I spend buried in Gmail.
16. Sometimes my inspiring friends make me feel small.
There is no more powerful life hack in the history of the world than hanging around the people doing the things and living the lives you dream of living. I’m grateful for the friends and mentors I hang with on a daily basis. And while for the most part they inspire possibility, sometimes being around them and hearing all their big progress and projects makes me feel small. Like I should be doing more. Continuing to focus on my internal yardstick has helped a lot.
17. I have a very limiting belief that if I don’t over prepare, I will fail.
I constantly over prepare. I rehearsed my TEDx talk for 12 hours straight the day before (not to mention the days prior). I so wish I could have just spent three hours and have been okay with it, but I just can’t get myself to do that. Most articles I write take over seven hours, despite trying to to keep them to a couple hours every single week. It’s been a blessing and a curse.
18. I’m more extreme with things than I’d like to be. And sometimes it gets me hurt.
This is something my parents and Chelsea are always a little concerned about. I like extremes. Or better put – I really only seem to be able to operate on extremes. I only have two levels: Absolutely everything I have, or nothing at all. It’s exhausting. It’s pour 400 hours into building a product or spend zero. Run an ultra marathon or stick to walking. Eat fried foods and sweets or do nothing but veggies. Instead of doing a casual CrossFit class, I push myself to win. Last year that resulted in an impinged shoulder and partially torn hamstring. It took me nine months to recover. I’d love to be more casual with some of the things I do.
19. I don’t always do the things I’m supposed to do.
I read and learn a ton about health, performance and optimal living. And just because I know how to live a strong, healthy, powerful life doesn’t mean I do all of it. I screw up all the time.
19b. I have been arrested in high school and put in jail for the day – but the charges were later dropped…
I’m adding this late and have no idea how I left it out because it was a hell of a story!
I grew up in an outdoors family and some friends and I were out at a private property of our families and shooting shotguns at tin cans and targets when the police showed up in full force, guns drawn (3 cars and 5 men) and yelling through a megaphone ,”Put your weapons down, put your hands up and slowly walk towards the gate.” They thought there was some type of a shoot out going on. It was like we were in a movie and it was terrifying. They took me to jail, and my friends had to get a $10k bail bond to bail me out. It took like 12 hours. Longest 12 hours ever…
All the charges were later dropped since we were indeed on private property, well outside of city limits and not actually causing any trouble, but it was a total mess. Thanks for reminding me in the comments below Paul. 🙂
20. I love Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. And I get my ass kicked a lot.
I don’t think there’s anything that makes me feel more alive. I was on a competition team for nearly six years. I actually did pretty well, too. But I stopped because I didn’t want to deal with the injuries. Three weeks ago I decided to drop into an academy near my house. It was the most invigorating two hours I can remember having. The next week I got a bruised rib in class and I haven’t been back since. If I could only dial down the intensity to 50%…
21. I have pretty much zero rhythm, but I’m not afraid to (break) dance. And sometimes my pants split open…
As a child, my friends always made fun of me for looking like a scarecrow on a dance floor. Then I moved to Spain and realized no one knew I was embarrassed to bust a move. So I told everyone that I loved to dance. They believed me and actually thought I was decent. Now Chelsea and I love to get down. In fact at a wedding last weekend I danced so hard that the butt of my pants blew wide open – and I didn’t even realize until I got home. Now that’s how you dance your ass off (here’s proof).
Sometimes we even watch YouTube videos to learn the latest music video moves – like how to shuffle. We even took a series of breakdancing classes earlier this year. It wasn’t pretty, but what the hell – here’s a short video of me in action…
Don’t see a video? Click here.
22. I can sing every word to the musicals RENT and Wicked.
I’ve seen RENT about a dozen times. I freaking love it. Wicked is the same. In fact, I like a ton of musicals. There are a few tracks from each on my “Inspire Me” mix on my iPhone. And on special party nights I’ve been known to belt it out with friends at the top of our lungs during the wee hours of the morning.
23. I can do the splits.
This is hard for a guy to explain, but I’ve always been kind of obsessed with flexibility. One time it lead to a slight muscle tear. My wife being a yoga teacher doesn’t hurt, or I guess it did that one time ;). Yoga teaches often tell me “you’re very open for a guy.” I take that with pride.
24. I’ve done some things I’d never do again – like running with the bulls.
We started from the most aggressive point on the course – right at “dead man’s corner” where we thought we’d have the best chance of running into the arena with the bulls. It worked. It was also the single highest moment of panic of my life. I would not have done it if I knew the type of chaos involved. But I’m happy to have the story to tell…
25. I used to be a tour guide throughout Spain, Morocco and Portugal.
When I lived in Sevilla, I was a tour guide on the weekends for my friends Eric and Jorge’s tour business, DiscoverSevilla. I can’t tell you the feeling of power I felt from holding a silly clipboard at the front of a tour bus.
26. I wish I was closer with my childhood and high school friends.
I had some very close and fun friendships as I was growing up. And while some of them are still in my life in a big way, there are lot of those relationships that I really miss. It’s just that in the past years as I’ve learned more about myself and pursued a path true to me, I’ve had less and less in common with them. It’s driven us apart. I wish it hadn’t.
27. I like feeding ducks.
There’s a pond near my house at the Palace of Fine Arts. It’s so mellow and tranquil to head down there with some bread crumbs. I wish I did it way more often.
28. I love rosemary.
Every morning I go on a walk or run and pick a sprig from the same bush. Every time I pass a plant, I have to pick some. It immediately calms me down.
29. I have the musical tastes of a 13-year-old girl.
And I’m proud of it. Last month I was in the 3rd row at a Taylor Swift concert. It was freakin’ awesome. Three years ago I took my wife and parents to our first Taylor concert, and dad sent me an email the next day saying it was the best performance of his life. And between you and me, I’m trying to get Taylor to do a short Living Legends interview for our audience – so if you happen to know her, let me know!
I also have Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus and Christina Aguilera music videos on my iPhone and on my “Inspire Me” mix. In fact Party in the USA was the last song played at my wedding.
I really enjoy the music, but I also love how most musicians are so fully living their dreams. And some, like Taylor, still take their job as role model very seriously.
30. I’m really scared of getting old.
I turned 31 this year, and it’s been kind of tough realizing that I’m not a total beginner anymore. That adds a lot of pressure. I’m also really scared of the people older than me – especially my parents – eventually dying. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them right now.
31. I’m kinda terrified of public speaking – at least the build up to it. And a lot of things make me nervous.
But I absolutely love it. Nothing feels more rewarding than stepping on a stage and doing my best to address and inspire a crowd. I love the feeling I get from being on stage, but the build up is absolutely brutal. Lately I’ve gotten a better handle on it, but the stress and anxiety that’s led up to some of my past few talks has been no fun at all. I’m learning how to cover the details without creating a pile of stress.
32. I feel rushed way more often than I’d like.
I’m not sure why, but so often I feel like I don’t have enough time to do the things I need to do. Even though I plan my week very carefully and do get important things done, I almost always feel like I haven’t done all I wanted to do. It’s really unsettling. And the crazy thing is that I’ll sometimes feel rushed even when I sit down early Monday morning with 10 hours ahead to spend time on projects. It makes no sense and it’s something that I’m constantly working to improve, which brings me to…
33. I am constantly battling and dealing with stress – and it’s brutal.
Anxiety too. With all that’s happened in the past few years, I’ve begun to feel intense pressure to deliver on a never-ending rising standard. It’s exhausting. And the on-and-off stress and anxiety that sometimes come with it has been incredibly hard to deal with. And massively frustrating. On the outside (and much of the inside) I have all I could ever ask for. A family, wife and friends who love me. A business and purpose I deeply believe in that more than covers my financial needs. An incredibly healthy body and the freedom to do things I want to do with the people I want to do them with when I want to do them. Yet for the past six months or so, there has been this level of stress that’s been taking a lot of the fun out of things and I just can’t get my head around it.
The last few weeks have actually been the most stress free I’ve had in months as I finally decided to draw a line in the sand and do something about it. Last Friday, I spent four hours in the garden at Green Gulch Zen Center with my good friend Lissa Rankin. That investment was incredibly helpful, and while the stress is far from totally solved, I’m very confident that I’ll figure this out. It’s my top priority.
Update: After writing this, I got a lot more serious about finding a solution. I tried dozens and dozens of things and for the past three months the stress and anxiety have totally gone away. I think a lot was at play and I plan to write a full article on my Stress Management Campaign sometime soon.
34. I meditate for 20 minutes almost every morning.
I’ve been doing this since I took a Transcendental Meditation course a little over a year ago. It’s helped a lot and it’s one of the best steps I’m taking to calm the mind and soothe the stress. I’ve come to love my morning practice (most the time). 😉
35. I don’t know what I’m doing a lot of the time.
This business and movement has grown so fast that a lot of the time I don’t have a clue what to do next. I just do my best to surround myself with inspiring people who have been there and stay true to my beliefs and values. I wish I could say that I’m steering the ship, but honestly, I tend to just hold on tight to see where it takes me.
I have no idea how you’ll respond to this list.
I’m nervous writing this right now. Flat-out scared, in fact.
But as Jonathan Fields likes to say, that feeling in your body, that intensity is a sign that what you’re doing actually matters.
I hope he’s right.
And to be honest, that felt really really good to share with you all.
I hope you’ll continue to accept me for who I am. Because that’s the only person I’m willing to be for all of you.
And I hope you’ll hold yourself to the same standard.
Now please, join me and share something about yourself in the comments.
I’d rather not have to do this alone.
Here’s to being you and inspiring others to be them,
Painful Authenticity: 35 Honest Personal Stories, Fears & Facts You Don’t Know About Me | Internet Biz ListPosted at 13:13h, 23 October
[…] Painful Authenticity: 35 Honest Personal Stories, Fears & Facts You Don’t Know About Me at Live Your […]
John KPosted at 18:56h, 23 October
I’m seriously afraid of being hurt again. In elementary school, during a game of ‘spin the bottle’, the girls didn’t want to kiss me. I thought it was supposed to be a sure thing. For most of my adult life, I refused to put effort into anything, even that which I was great at, in fear of being rejected. I only recently began to move past this perspective.
RobinPosted at 09:17h, 24 October
Thank you for sharing this with us John. I am sure they all want to kiss you now! Those girls lost out 🙂
MelissaPosted at 18:57h, 23 October
I recently came across your TedX speech which led me to your website…and here I am! I have enjoyed reading through your blog…mostly because I feel I share the same beliefs as you with regards to finding a career you are passionate about, and I am on my way to (hopefully!) helping to inspire others to find a career they love and to reach their full potential. A little bit about me…I married my high school sweetheart of 7 years only to separate less than a yr later because it wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. at the time I felt so ashamed of myself and worried about what others would think, but now I don’t care. I wouldn’t change anything if I had the chance. I’ve learned so many lessons and insight to myself; I am currently on my way to becoming an Associate Certified Coach, and in the very beginning stages of starting my own business. I believe that everything happens for a reason and each of us would not be where we are today if we did not take the path we did. I look forward to following your blog and hope to learn some tips and tricks of entrepreneurialism! Maybe someday I’ll even get on that TedX stage 😉
Marc VegaPosted at 11:30h, 26 October
Scott! Laughing so hard right now!! You had me at chick flicks. 😀 LiveYourLegned gives me my daily drive to be the “ME” I always wanted to be. It’s the greatest place to find valuable resources, and insight into our precious lives. Can’t get enough!
I am ashamed of a relationship I left in hopes that the grass was greener on the other side. I’m absolutely positive that she is the greatest person in the world with the most genuine heart. I lived, worked, and enjoyed life with her each and everyday. She was my ultimate soulmate. Had I heard of LYL sooner. She’s now engaged, and soon to be married. I know I will have the same, but we live with our choices. Thank you for sharing. God Bless!
Robin PettyPosted at 19:25h, 23 October
You inspired me to start my Be Exceptional Personal and Professional Coaching business, a year ago. I had a near death experience 32 years ago… and “went to the light”…I learned to turn my fears over to Him. I also learned, that when all is said and done, we are measured by what we give. Know that you have contributed great things to the world Scott. Choose not to live in fear and let no one take joy away from you. I so appreciate your disclosure….I just did a training on Being Authentic. You have touched my world.
Elyse NakajimaPosted at 21:07h, 23 October
Two years ago, my life got really messy. Yet it was during this time that people first started calling me their life coach. I thought, “No, no, no. You’ve got it backwards. I’m relying on you, showing you my worst. I have nothing to offer right now.” But I kept hearing “life coach” again and again. That’s when I figured out that when people like me (who seem to have it all together, all the time) are open and honest when things are a big fat mess, it is even more inspiring than the successful times. Well, the coaching seed was planted, I signed up for training, launched my own practice, and now I really am a coach. And I never would have had this new path open up to me if I hadn’t opened up first.
EstherPosted at 03:47h, 24 October
Ok. Here goes…something I’m not proud of is that I’m very self-conscious when interacting with people i.e. how am i coming across, what do they think of me.
I’d love to be more present and authentic but I guess I’m too preoccupied with wanting to be liked and that is very embarrassing and saddening on a daily basis.
AmberPosted at 10:50h, 29 October
Esther – I feel this way as well. As you are I am working on just being me without worrying about what others think. I also feel inadequate in my career field to the point where I am starting to have a reoccurring dream about it.
BrandonPosted at 07:05h, 24 October
Wow!! Absolutely fantastic post Scott. To put yourself out there like that in such a vulnerable way is amazing. The fact that our dinner conversation spurred such a deep post is truly humbling. I can’t thank you enough for all that you do. you truly inspire me and thousands of others to be better people.
Something that you may already know, but others here at LYL don’t know about me is that since I was a little boy I have had a little voice in my head telling me I’m not smart enough. Telling me I’m not good enough for praise and that I will probably fail at whatever endeavor I set out to do. This was how my mind worked for 20 years, but I am now battling that voice and turning the I can’t into I can. The work that you do here at LYL is helping me in ways I couldn’t have even imagined a year ago.
DavidPosted at 08:10h, 24 October
Thanks for sharing this Scott. I have come to realize that it is important to acknowledge, come to grips and come to accept our failures just as much as our successes, because it is often our greatest failures that lead us to our greatest successes.
AnnePosted at 08:15h, 24 October
I am 66 and a fairly recent retiree — as well as a wife/mother/grandparent. i came to your blog in the course of googling for tools to use to help me NOT loose hours and hours every day doing unimportant stuff.
It helps me to read a list showing that even a supper productive wunderkind like yourself struggles with, just for example, email, feeling small and over preparing.
Thank you for your honesty. It is as inspiring — for me more so — than many success stories might be.
EddyPosted at 17:40h, 24 October
Hi Scott, Thank you so much for bearing it all like this. I truly applaud your strength and courage! You are an inspiration to us all. Many of the things that you do, I do as well. And it is great to hear that I am not the only one. I am brand spanking new to LYL and Scott D but am LOVING it!
TraceyPosted at 13:51h, 26 October
Scott – thank you. I read this blog while@work and then re-read it @home. It was exactly what I needed to read/hear @that moment in time.
I loved your incredible honesty; as a lot of what you mentioned as your fears, facts, actually relate to a lot of mine. It was refreshing and beautifully confronting together.
I am @ what feels like a stand-point in my business direction. And reading those similar fears & facts to me, made me feel that how I’m feeling right now, is actually how you (a person who I admire for what you’ve achieved/are achieving) are too. It made my (not so huge, now) obstacle/mountain seem ok but also immensely smaller & manageable.
I am actually going to do the same on my blog on WordPress.
MiguelPosted at 17:37h, 26 October
Thanks for sharing your vulnarable side to us Scott, you’ve truly inspired a lot of people, including me, to live our legend. Something about me is that I meditate and do yoga daily for hours at time and it can be one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself and for others. I was deeply touched with your wedding video, and I hope when I marry, I marry my best friend in the world ( and hopefully she’s a yoga teacher too). You guys look awesome together and I wish you all the best.
SophiaPosted at 09:29h, 27 October
1.) Terrified of rejection
2.) Terrified of geting old
3.) Horrible at concentration (ADHD) and absolutely needing the extreme
4.) No idea of what shall become of my life – and thinking about it since I was about 11 – I am 22 now.
5.) Only very slowly learning to make sure that the things I want do happen – theoretically that is. Practically I am still at about 0.
6.) I am undeservedly pretty but I can´t snap out of the ideas that my mother put into my mind as how I am not enough no matter what.
7.) I cannot focus. I feel like some things some times GET ME FOCUSED but it is a passive thing, I cannot do this myself except the topic be “understanding the human soul”. Not that my theoretical thoughts would get me anywhere in the real world.
8.) I tend to think of doing things INSTEAD of doing them.
9.) I love to make guys want me and then leave them. Sorry, but this here was to be about embarassing stories, not nice ones…
And I could go on…
AndiPosted at 04:33h, 04 November
I can relate to a lot of these 🙂
CecilyPosted at 12:25h, 31 October
This post was amazing. Thanks for being so vulnerable. Vulnerability makes friends 🙂
Faisal AhmadPosted at 11:59h, 02 November
You like feeding ducks Scott? I enjoy ironing. Seriously. The thought of getting rid of all those irritating crumples. Oh, sublime.
I feel ya too. Godbless you Scott!
TinaPosted at 10:07h, 03 November
It felt really nice reading about you and seeing that you are indeed a person with your own struggles. Left me feeling warm inside and that I got to know you a little. I struggle with a lot of the things you seem to struggle too and beat myself up about it, slowly looking for ways to stop doing so. The stress is a killer, definitely has to be sorted. Else you might have to go back to your archives one day and start all over again :p Thank you for offering us this opportunity to get out of vicious loops and restore our confidence in our ability to decide for our own lives.
AndiPosted at 04:31h, 04 November
This is seriously so great – just what I needed to read.
“Be honestly and unapologetically you. Because you being uniquely you will allow the people you interact with to feel comfortable being uniquely them – perhaps for the first time in their lives. There is no more authentic way to connect and no greater gift to give.”
– Scott Dinsmore
Going to live by this for the next few months. This is a wake up call! I’ll share the things I wish nobody would know about me.
I think I look 10 times better with makeup on and I’m afraid of taking it off in public because of what people will think.
I love Avril Lavigne, always have and always will even though I’m 24.
I end all my relationships at 8 months because I’m too scared to let them in any further.
I’m quite messy.
I make a great first impression but have this fear that I can’t sustain it so I usually stop relationships from progressing.
I enjoy small talk more a little too much and I worry that I’m fake.
I’m a starter not a finisher.
I often get jealous of others, even my best friends.
Oh wow. I’m learning a lot about myself just by writing this out, maybe because I’ve never done it before. Scott you are right this is scary but I’m hoping I can make some changes after I post this.
AminaPosted at 13:21h, 23 October
Thank you so much for opening up! It was amazing to read about the real you. It’s comforting to know that even super successful people like you have hints they’re concerned about or unsure of. It’s great to be human! I wish we could all embrace that way more. Thank you again
ScottPosted at 13:26h, 23 October
Hints you say?? Ha – they’re much more than hints 😉
Gald you enjoyed it.
But now you gotta share something with us. That’s the deal! 🙂
Patricia BTPosted at 13:40h, 23 October
I would like to comment on each of the 35 things, but will instead just comment on #5…
LiveYourLegend would maybe not exist and all the great things you create could have been spoiled staying silent inside you if Barum had “done his job”!
Who best than a rebellious child can turn into someone who fight the conventional path!
Thx Barum for failing 😉
Patricia BTPosted at 13:52h, 23 October
Oh I forgot to share one of mine…
My fear of flying, since 1998 (my parents knew a couple of people who died in the SR111 crash that year), and before that I used to fly a lot!
Nazrin (yes, “our” Nazrin) helped me with positive image and special training via Skype last spring, in order for me to be able to come over to Portland for the WDS and meet you all!
(my pride : I flew again earlier this month to attend the WordCamp Europe)
ScottPosted at 14:01h, 23 October
Love how you see the Barum situation! Agreed 🙂
And so proud of you for overcoming the flying fear. That’s huge. I remember Naz telling me all about it at WDS last year I was blown away.
YazminhPosted at 14:35h, 23 October
This was so fun (and touching) to read – thanks for sharing these with us, Scott! I love your consistency in who you are throughout everything you’ve shown of yourself; so comforting to know a real person is in the leadership role (as you lead us to a life well-lived).
One of my less-desirable traits: Although I prefer kindness over most things, I actually have a very quick temper, which is usually under control on the surface.
I will share one more thing, b/c it’s somewhat related: I tend to be emotionally intense; I’ve learned to appreciate it, but it’s sometimes difficult to be this way in a world that seems to promote the cool cat. I’m burstful. 🙂
ScottPosted at 17:59h, 23 October
Thank you so much for sharing – and I love how you put that. “Burstful” :). Under the right circumstances, who isn’t?! Glad to hear you’re human. Because you sure seem pretty centered with all your awesome interactions in our Connect with Anyone community!
Ashraf JamiePosted at 14:40h, 23 October
Great post Scott! We have quite a few things in common: a passion for career coaching first and foremost. Even similar views on Taylor and Miley. I also have a passion for learning, but sometimes I am undisciplined. Weird that you post this: the other day, I’m sure I was thinking it looks like this guy (you) are living the life. I love what I do (the last 2 years as an entrepreneur has not necessarily been great financially, but I love being in charge of my own life and feel like I’m making good progress) – I have plenty of commitments and I think I manage stress very well. Proves that if you compare any two people – it is impossible to better than the next in absolutely everything, there must be something that the other person is better at! Finally, just wanted to say that your break dance moves are the funniest…loved it! keep up the good work.
ScottPosted at 18:01h, 23 October
Glad to have you a part of the adventure and fighting the good fight with us Ashraf!
I used to be so embarrassed about those break dancing moves, but now it’s kinda just a joke to share. I’m so awkward out there…
Congrats on doing what you’re doing!
CherylPosted at 11:05h, 24 October
I wouldn’t be embarrassed Scott. Just live your live and have fun doing it! 🙂
StephaniePosted at 15:07h, 23 October
The internet is full of image crafting so it was refreshing to read your post.
I will share a fear that has reared it’s ugly head today. I am terrified that I will live my entire life and never really be good at anything. It’s an awful crushing kind of terror of the ‘what’s the actual point of you’ kind. Nasty stuff.
Rent is brilliant. No shame there!
Lisa StevensPosted at 16:35h, 23 October
Stephanie, I am right with you on that need to be an expert at something. And add to that the fact that I am fifty! I have printed out the Expert Enough Manifesto from expertenough.com and that really helps. Funny thing, just yesterday I was looking at my cat. I thought to myself, all she has to be… is a cat, everyday. The cat that she is with her little quirks and cozy window preferences, etc. How beautiful is that! She is an expert at being a cat. You see where I am going with this? What if I was just an expert at being Lisa, with all that brings? The fact is that I have many, many interests and talents and these all rolled up in my nice “Lisa” package are perfect. Sometimes the “point of you” is that no one else will ever be more an expert than you at the “Stephanie” package. And, at least for today, you were able to help me feel not so alone by sharing your fear. Thank you.
ScottPosted at 18:09h, 23 October
Perfectly put Lisa! Everyone is an expert at something and no two people are the same. That’s the most exciting thing! I guarantee there are people out there who would happily pay you to help them with something you’re supremely good at. You don’t have to be the best in the world. Not even close. You just have to be “expert enough” to help people who are way earlier on the path than you.
For instance, I am no fitness expert compared to people I know, yet I’m confident I could put together a plan that would get massive results for a certain market of people. That’s pretty cool to know. And that’s just because it’s a deep interest of mine.
The topic of expertise is SO fun for me. Because everyone who’s been on this earth for a couple decades, has something of value to offer. It’s your job to uncover it and then find the people who really need it.
Oh and beware – you are likely already taking a possible expertise or talent of yours for granted. We never give ourselves enough credit. So ask those close to you. What do people thank you for? What do you love helping people with? Start there and dive in!
Then check out some of our deep resources on expertise at https://liveyourlegend.net/archives
Here are a few:
StephaniePosted at 23:29h, 23 October
That is so beautiful Lisa, and perfect. I certainly need to work much more on just being ‘me’ and being ok with that. I LOVE the cat analogy.
CherylPosted at 11:10h, 24 October
Lisa, I think needing to be an expert is like needing to be perfect. They don’t exist. You can be as good as you need to be to get the results you want. If you’re not getting the results you want, study and learn more and project with confidence that you are what people need or you are what you need to be. end of story!
I say do and be what you love. Enjoy life and most of all have fun doing it!
ScottPosted at 18:02h, 23 October
LOVE RENT! And you know what is so great about what you just shared Stephanie? You becoming an expert at something is 100% in your control. You just have to decide where to focus. Then it’s off to the races. Can’t wait to see where you lay your sights!
StephaniePosted at 23:31h, 23 October
That might be partly my issue! Lack of focus. I am working on narrowing it down and committing. I am scared of being one of those people on the x-factor that thinks they can sing when they can’t and going for the wrong thing though! I am trying to learn to love the process, starting to realise that is all there is.
VirginiaPosted at 15:11h, 23 October
I’m always hesitant to meet people because I’m afraid they won’t like me. This makes me hold back and I think makes me come off a little rude at times. I have a feeling of unworthyness and I hate that I can’t shake it.
NickyPosted at 17:36h, 23 October
Snap. Me too 🙂
ScottPosted at 18:11h, 23 October
Best thing to do is test that assumption and find out for real. I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised 🙂
ScottPosted at 18:10h, 23 October
Well you certainly didn’t seem to hold back at dinner on Sunday – and I loved that! Our conversation was so much more fun and real as a result. Thank you and Brandon both again in a huge way! And for inspiring this post…
JeremyPosted at 15:13h, 23 October
I’ve noticed several folks I really admire taking this step, and I have to say: I love it. Basically all of the things that scare me the most about forging a path of my own arise from this “hall of mirrors” we construct around each other (and I always get the “fat mirror”).
Scott, I’ll see your Rent and raise you Chess (Original London, Broadway, and Revised Concert versions). The Musical Phenomenon That Never Was. People remember “One Night in Bangkok,” but usually don’t know where it came from.
I also think RuPaul is one of the smartest, best-adjusted people I can think of. And I hang around far too many PhDs to be good for my health. She needs to do a TED talk, like, nowish.
ScottPosted at 18:12h, 23 October
Oooo. I will have to check out Chess! We’re headed through London in a few months. Maybe we can catch a show!
JonathanPosted at 05:29h, 21 January
I completely agree with you re. RuPaul and TED. Maybe we should start some sort of lobbying extravaganza? :o)
JoPosted at 15:25h, 23 October
Great post. thanks for sharing! Point 32 and 33 particularly resonated with me…which worries me somewhat as I know I need to get a handle on it before I burn out!
Ok so i’ll share…my self belief can be totally crippling at times. I am in the process of launching a product (a vegan fitness food range) and if i had more confidence I know I could have moved things forward 20x faster than i have…. oh and thing 2, that would be I beat myself up about everything (vicious circle).
ScottPosted at 18:14h, 23 October
I feel you Jo! And I love the sound of your product.
One way to kill the fear is to find a group of people who are dying to buy your product. And then presell it to them for a discounted price in exchange for their feedback. That’s the only way I’d ever launch a product these days. It takes almost all the risk out of it and you guarantee you’re building something the customer actually needs and wants. And everyone has a lot more fun. So win/win!
BiancaPosted at 15:31h, 23 October
Scott, thanks for sharing ‘you being you’ and making me smile!
‘Me being me’ is when I’m spending the nights writing blog articles I never publish, desperately dreaming that someone “high up” would read the ones I do publish and offer me a freelance job as a journalist or similar.. By joining LYL, I hope to get closer to that dream and scare away all those fears. 🙂
ScottPosted at 18:25h, 23 October
Well Bianca the fact that you’re writing is the huge awesome step you’re already taking. Now the ‘easy’ part is just hitting publish :). You gotten get those ideas out to the world. If I could send this post to 51,000 people, could you meet me in the middle and start publishing some of yours??
Oh and just for the record, never once have I had a freelance writing gig or guest post opportunity fall in my lap. Even after my TEDx or anything. Every single post has required me to reach out and sell someone on why it makes sense. And now I have my editor who’s starting to do that for me to be sure we keep getting out there.
That’s just how it works. So lean into it, have some fun and start representing your work to the world!
BiancaPosted at 14:30h, 24 October
Thank you Scott, I realise that there is a selling element in it, too, but I just figured that right here, right now is the best time and place to start! Building up some confidence just to learn how to fly and then see what will happen and when the time is right, I will know how to sell myself, I’m sure of it. You already helped me to start anyway. 🙂
But you know.. that “Publish” button IS pretty scary!!
Louisa LeontiadesPosted at 15:31h, 23 October
I run a blog based on authenticity and vulnerability. And then this email arrived and I was envious. It resurrected my fear of failure, and old demons which dictate that we live according to the masculine paradigm of competition (instead of the new one I advocate – collaboration). It felt like you beat me to the punch which in turn made me feel small, petty and unsuccessful. Luckily my rational brain kicked in to quell my insecurity.
Then I said to myself – “look if Scott’s saying what I’m thinking (in my much lesser known blog!), then we both know that being vulnerable is the key to greater love, greater life and greater happiness. And that’s pretty amazing. He’s right on the mark, and so must I be.”
I look for those challenges in life which provide growth and analysis. And as painful as those facts were to share for you, I thank you for them – not just because it was good to see the real you (it was) – but also because it gave me the opportunity to transform my deep rooted fear of failure into a validation of success. Thank you.
NickyPosted at 17:40h, 23 October
Awesome vulnerability in this post 🙂
ScottPosted at 18:28h, 23 October
Well thank you Nicky! Can to share a little of your own??
ScottPosted at 18:28h, 23 October
What an amazing reframe Lousia! And you are spot on. Collaboration is the way the businesses of today and tomorrow must be run. I know lot’s of people in my “space” but none of them are competitors. We work together. We help each other out. We share audiences. There is enough room for all of us and the more people fighting the good fight, the better!
Hat’s off to you and your focus on what matters. The world needs it!
Justin DouglasPosted at 15:36h, 23 October
Scott, This may be one of my favorite things that you’ve done so far. Seriously, I love the CWA course and have used a lot of your ideas and tools over the last year, but as Po said, “This is pure awesomeness!”
Here’s two things from me:
First, as you can probably tell from above, I love kids movies. So much that I can pretty much sing every silly song from VeggieTales.
Second, and the reason that I loved this post so much is that I often feel very unauthentic. I know so much and am very good at “looking good” when others are paying attention, but my actions often fall short of my aspirations and ideals. I actually think that it’s been one of the biggest excuses I used to not connect with others – for fear that they’d find out.
Seriously this has inspired me more than you know.
ScottPosted at 18:30h, 23 October
Well here’s to the awakening Justin!
And how have I never heard of VeggieTales?! Guess I’ll learn once we start having some little ones.
Can’t wait to see what you do with the newfound energy. Come back and share it with us!
MichaelPosted at 15:46h, 23 October
Great post Scott. My only comment is that there is no such thing as over rehearsing for a TED or TEDx talk. So you can let yourself off the hook for that one. 🙂
ScottPosted at 18:31h, 23 October
Haha. Cheers to that. I wouldn’t take back a second of that TEDx prep!
And for those of you curious about how all that went down, here’s a play by play I wrote write after the fact:
NelyPosted at 15:51h, 23 October
Awwww, thanks Scott for sharing. I really loved this post and thought it was touching that you took this step. It’s great to hear about the more “down to earth” you. You have a great website and I have learned a lot. You should be very proud of all you have done. Have a good day.
ScottPosted at 18:33h, 23 October
Thank you Nely. I literally have to pinch myself daily as I see what this community has become. Thank you for making it what it is.
Soooo you wanna share a little authenticity with us?? 🙂
Greg DenningPosted at 16:17h, 23 October
Love the transparency Scott.
Mine would be that I love the chick flicks and the musicals too. Some of them are very inspiring.
I’m also right with you on the intensity. It’s all or nothing. I’m a ‘Ready. FIRE! Aim.’ guy and I’ve fallen on my face a time or two because of it. I don’t regret it though; I would never want to be forever aiming and never fire.
ScottPosted at 18:34h, 23 October
Here’s to inspiring music!
And I would give yourself a little more credit on the intensity. At least your doing that while traveling the world with your family! Hats off to that…
KevinPosted at 16:18h, 23 October
I admire your honesty. I can only imagine what fearful thoughts and feelings rushed through your mind before posting it.
Yet reading it as an outsider, it almost seems tame…as in, we all have our own things like this we want to share, but the fear of rejection/ridicule prevents us. Yet once it’s out…it’s almost anticlimactic.
If your goal was, as you stated above, to be more open about you are so other people might be inspired to be more open about who they are, I think this is definitely on track. Much respect and love from Calgary, Alberta, Canada!
ScottPosted at 18:35h, 23 October
Glad in clicked Kevin! And Yeah I agree. It’s weird. I was nervous as hell to post it. But now that’s it’s live I feel great about it!
As with getting most anything off your chest I guess. Pretty cool how that works.
DelPosted at 16:24h, 23 October
Hi Scott, thanks for this post. I am in a very fearful place right now as I have quit my job with no idea about what I am going to do next AND my initial energy and optimism that fuelled the decision is starting to fluctuate wildly! My ‘natural’ state for the past few years has been one of cynicism and negativity regarding what I am capable of and how I can improve my life. Your work and others like it have helped enormously but the feelings of hope and energy are not embedded yet – I guess I have been under the illusion that anyone that has ‘made it’ has got those fears under control but your post tells me that it is a constant battle. Thanks heaps.
ScottPosted at 18:41h, 23 October
The butterflies never go away Del. Like Jonathan Fields likes to say, you just have to learn to ride those butterflies :).
As for where you are right now, I totally feel you. I’ve been there. No more than ever it’s crucial to surround yourself with the people who inspire possibility. The members of this community. The members of our private Facebook Group. And perhaps our Connect with Anyone community if you decide to take it to that level.
Also do whatever you can to create an in person mastermind group to keep each other accountable and inspired.
We have a ton of free tools on this stuff…
The Ultimate Mastermind Workbook free PDF: https://liveyourlegend.net/how-to-create-your-ultimate-mastermind-group-workbook/
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/liveyourlegendlive/
Connect with Anyone: http://howtoconnectwithanyone.com/joinus
AnnaPosted at 09:16h, 24 October
Hi Del and Scott,
First of all, wow Scott- you are not a webpage, you are a human, just like me :). that’s what happened after your post. It’s so awakening and supportive to know others, as inspiring as you have worries, fears and flaws.
Thank you, it does not take away anything form how difficult it must have been.
Del, 2 of us on the boat so, I’ve quit my job too, still have the enthusiasm and passion, but nasty little fears start showing in random places. Would you go back though? I bet no. So…we will make it!
Me…my worst nightmare might be coming true. I’m afraid I’m loosing my baby sister. Not many people would understand. I’m so so scared.
NickPosted at 16:33h, 23 October
That disquieting feeling you get from revealing your less magnificent features is the false self. It rages against anything that is honest and open. You are taking the correct path in being your true self. Congrats!
There are times when my IBS can be a real pain. Like when we were told to fasten our belts, the plane started taxiing out, and the restroom wasn’t available for about 20 min. After liftoff, after about 5 minutes when we finally got to altitude, the knowledge that relief was at hand was like having Christmas morning right there.
The angst you are feeling may be coming from the rapid growth and development that you have embraced recently. A huge project gets a life of its own after a while. We wonder if we bit off more than we can chew. You’ll be fine. Just slow down a little and it will take care of itself. You have what it takes. You surely must have a sense of wonder and amazement at your business and personal growth. Life truly is amazing, isn’t it?
ScottPosted at 18:42h, 23 October
It really does not get any better than this Nick. You’re so right. I’m incredibly grateful for all that you all have come together to make possible.
I love this job!!
Tarik LeePosted at 16:33h, 23 October
Scott you rock!!! thanks for sharing! here I go:
I get angry way more than I really want to.
I also love the notebook and purchased the deluxe !
ScottPosted at 18:43h, 23 October
Yeah the Notebook is the best. Chelsea and I have an annual ritual to watch it near our anniversary just to keep in mind what really matters.
I feel you on the anger too. That’s a constant evolution…
AlexisPosted at 16:35h, 23 October
The older I get, the more I believe authenticity is one of the few things that really matter in life. Thank you for your courageous post.
My honesty for the day: I admire the way you talk about your wife and hope that someone someday will talk about me in that same high esteem.
Your tenacity to live an honest and affecting life is inspiring. Love your blog.
ScottPosted at 18:45h, 23 October
Wow Alexis. That is very cool to hear. The fact that you’re willing to write that down means that you are going to be the wife of someone’s dreams one day. No question. And it’s totally in your control to show up that way for someone you care about. That’s the really cool part!
Rhys Morton-RossPosted at 16:36h, 23 October
Hi Scott, awesome post and it’s great that you took the risk to make yourself vulnerable and exposed.
Some of what you were saying actually resonated with me, especially liking chick flicks, that’s me, being stubborn… yes, failed a lot… hell yeah, more times than I care to remember, a rebellious child… indeed and still am a little, I think achieving any great dream or vision requires a rebellious nature to set you free from limiting conformity.
I have to be honest and say that last part about what Jonathan Fields likes to say, that feeling in your body, that intensity is a sign that what you’re doing actually matters, actually started to make me cry.
The reason being and this is me sharing something about me, I am now 40, and less than a year ago, only really discovered my true life calling and passion, my true north star, despite being right under my nose for many years, but other business ventures and projects conditioned me to ignore it.
I feel I should have had my life pretty much mapped out and sorted by now, and feel i shouldn’t be starting over again (not a beginner anymore) which has a tendency to make me feel anxious, stressed at times, makes me feel small when around younger more successful people and rushed to get things done which can pile on the anxiety feeling, as I feel this is my last chance to do something great. As you said.. it can be brutal.
But one thing I know and believe 100%, is that despite all my internal voices, the doubts and the fears, what I am doing now is going to be my lifes greatest working success and legacy to date. It’s this that gives me comfort and helps to relax me that frees me to move forward with calmness and moving in the flow, all the while accepting that the feeling of intensity going on inside me is a message that I am finally on the right path to help other people bring their life dreams, ideas and aspiration to a reality, much like yourself.
Thanks so much for opening up and sharing this with us.. you touched my soul!
Best wishes – Rhys
ScottPosted at 18:49h, 23 October
Whoa – never heard someone tell me I touched their soul before. Awesome 🙂
And so glad it was helpful!
Yeah when Jonathan Fields first said those words live on stage at the first World Domination Summit, I about lost it. My body started to convulse in chills. Every hair stood straight up. It’s been a part of me ever since.
And hats off to having found your calling so early. You have a whole lifetime to make your mark on the world. Awesome to hear you’re already getting started. Many make their discoveries much later.
Congrats on doing what matters and thanks for being with us!
Anne MariePosted at 16:45h, 23 October
Your post was awesome – For my facts/stories it would have to be:
-Ever since I learned Chinese my English spelling and grammer have completely left me. This is frustrating when I know that in the past I could easily do this and now it’s as if that file in my brain has gone MIA.
– I absolutely love corny jokes – the cornier the better. And I know EXACTLY what to say to myself or a situation to make myself laugh probably more than I should.
ScottPosted at 18:53h, 23 October
Haha. Love bad jokes too. Chelsea has two corny jokes that are actually about corn that bring us both to tears every time she tells them…
1. What do you call a kidnapped corn kernal?
…Torn from the cob.
2. What do you call a naked corn kernal?
…Porn on the cob.
Ok so they are WAY better when she tells them live and they take her 5 minutes each as tears flow down her face 🙂
JenniferPosted at 16:47h, 23 October
Thank you for sharing, Scott. All this did for me, is make you that much more relatable. You come across just as real here as you did the first time I discovered you (your interview with Jonathan Fields). You’re something special, Scott and I’m grateful for having found you and your work. Thanks again.
ScottPosted at 18:54h, 23 October
Well I’m grateful for having you with us. Thanks for your words. They mean a ton!
KurtPosted at 17:02h, 23 October
You did a wonderful job opening up. It was easy to see the honesty and sincerity in your words.
Like me, you beat yourself up about most facets of life. You’re a young man, a spring chicken Scott. Try looking down the barrel at 53. Man, oh man, would that I were 31 and had such a fantastic grip on knowing what my true passion is.
I was a little freaked out as I read your post. I felt like you were writing for me. By the time I got to point #5, I backed up and started righting down all of your points that describe me perfectly as well. You might be interested to know we have 18 of your 35 in common (3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 11, 12, 14, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 24, 26, 28, 30 and 33!).
This is how “bad” I am in my mind. I could right a novella here and share most of my darkest secrets but I won’t out of fear. Fear that others reading will think “who does this guy think he is?”
I set up a website yesterday and took it down today…A typical knee-jerk thing for me. I’m too scared to let people think I don’t know what I’m doing.
I just need to let this stuff soak in. I’ve always been one to know better after I’ve “slept on it”. Some of my best mechanical engineering design work ideas came to me in dreams.
I won’t do it here but would gladly expound on the uncanny similarity of those 18 fears/facts that we have in common if you were interested.
Thanks for your inspiration,
ScottPosted at 18:58h, 23 October
That was a huge part of the point of this post Kurt!
When you really open up you find out that you have so many things in common with those around you that no one was comfortable enough to share. But once you do, the connection and rapport hit an all-time deeper level.
As for your blog, you’ve gotten make it live again!
If you want, you can do it under a fake name as you get comfortable writing. Or just write really simple stuff to start. Baby steps rule the world. But you gotta do something. How about you publish a post on one of your 18 – the one that is the easiest (or least hard) for you to share?
We all have to start somewhere! Then come back and share the link with us 🙂
Paul KPosted at 17:11h, 23 October
Good stuff, Scott! I can relate to you on the CrossFit thing…I try to go and just workout, however, I find myself trying to be first in my class every time…and it bugs me when I’m not (which is often!)
I’ll share a few items about myself that most people are not aware of:
-I talk to myself…like obsessively….I actually have “practice” conversations with myself and try to anticpate what I expect someone else to say and how I will respond to them. And my self conversations are often with famous people who I will likely never meet! I guess it’s good in a way…if I can’t find anyone to have a chat with, I’ll just have it alone! 🙂
-I am a terrible dancer. In fact, my college buddies gave me the nick name “Tin Man” as I apparently move like the Tin Man from The WIzard of Oz when I dance!
-I gave a really bad presentation during a college class (~ 20 years ago) and I am still not over it. Picture long, uncomfortable pauses, nervousness and the awkwardness of audience realizing that I was hopelessly unprepared. I regularly re-run that experience through my head and work to avoid the preparation mistakes I made in the past.
-And finally, I was arrested in high school for defacing school property (I was a passenger in a car that did a ‘lawn job’ on the school lawn) and minor in possession of alcohol…not my finest moment!!
ScottPosted at 19:09h, 23 October
Thanks so much for sharing Paul!
And you come to think of it – I was arrested in high school too. How did I forget that one?!? I grew up in an outdoors family and some friends and I were out at a private property of our families and shooting shotguns at tin cans and targets when the police showed up in full force and guns drawn (3 cars and 5 men) thinking there was some type of a shoot out going. It was terrifying. They took me to jail and my friends had to post $10k bail to get me out. It took like 12 hours. Longest 12 hours ever…
All the charges were later dropped since we were indeed on private property and well outside of city limits but it was a total mess. Thanks for reminding me :).
And the talking to yourself is brilliant! That’s what you call conditioning and visualization. Living out possible future outcomes so that when they happen, you feel like you’ve been there and you have much more confidence taking action. That’s a very common practice with athletes and top business men. Tony Robbins and Napoleon HIll are huge on it. I do it a fair amount too. In fact tomorrow morning I’ll be taking a solo walk out by the water to talk myself through a best man speech I’m giving this weekend (that I could not be more excited about!).
As for your presentation issue, I feel you. I’ve done a ton of work on the public speaking front. The tough thing is that you are associating an unreasonable level of pain with your speaking based on one thing that happened 20 years ago. To start transforming that, think of all the benefits and pleasure that could come from delivering a powerful talk to the right group today. Could be life changing. And if you never stand up and do it, think of the pain that could come from what you’ll miss out on. Once the pain of not doing it becomes greater than the pain of doing it, you will have action. And everything will start to change.
I’d highly recommend Toastmasters. They were a savior for me. It’s nearly free and there are groups in most every town around the world. They are so supportive and have a brilliant system of getting everyone to speak in every meeting in some way or another. Seriously a no brainer for, well, everyone!
Here’s to being tin men together 🙂
MichellePosted at 17:12h, 23 October
wow Scott – this was so real and so refreshing. I am constantly late which I know people hate but you put it into words perfectly – I keep trying to do one more thing!!
my biggest fear is that staying at my company for years and years although currently rewarding is going to be a regret. I am worried I don’t have the guts to leave when I should.
and I have never considered myself someone who would be complacent or take the easy way out.
ScottPosted at 19:17h, 23 October
Well in that case it’s time to start developing an action plan! Start learning, experimenting and building things on the side so that you can have pure confidence to take the leap (which won’t even feel like a leap) in the near future.
That’s what all the free (and paid) resources on this site are all about. Please embrace them! There is plenty of free stuff for you to make massive progress too. Start with the past articles at liveyourlegend.net/archives
Then check out our free Passionate Work Toolkit here: liveyourlegend.net/email-updates
Jeannie LandisPosted at 17:17h, 23 October
I’m not sure how I landed on this post but I read it in it’s entirety even though I made it a rule not to be on my phone after eight. I’m with you on the handstands – LOVE them (maybe more than sex)! I tried BJJ for the first time and have never enjoyed getting my ass handed to me more! I’m a health and wellness specialist – always have been and always will but my other HUGE passions include food, wine, whiskey, and tequila (a supposed no-no in the industry). I have an evil side that few rarely get to see. There’s a lot more where this comes from…too much to type especially since the sceptic all part of me says “no one ever reads this stuff let alone responds!” Thanks for opening up. I didn’t know who you were when I opened this but will make a point to learn more now. REAL people ROCK! Cheers to you and Chelsey (and the rest of your beautiful family).
ScottPosted at 19:23h, 23 October
Well that’s not how we roll around here Jeannine. A comment like that gets a real response! No question :).
Crazy how many things we have in common. And handstands are just so damn fun. Amazing beach handstand pic on your about page btw!
So glad you found us and welcome to the the family. I have a feeling you’re going to add a lot!
Btw, if you love whiskey, you have got to check out my friend Carin’s new Scotch brand she just launched that’s targeted at women and non scotch drinkers to introduce them to the wonderful world of brown stuff ;). She launched a few months ago and has been on fire. Was just written up in the local San Francisco newspaper too. It’s delicious stuff too.
Check out SIA Scotch Whisky here: http://siascotch.com/
Illona MclayPosted at 17:21h, 23 October
Hi I liked the last one ..sometimes you dont know what your doing…
My share is ” I used to be indecisive ..now I’m not so sure ”
I wish I could just make up my mind ..then I’d know what I’m doing !
Really enjoy your site ..
ScottPosted at 19:24h, 23 October
I am indecisive all the time Illona. It comes and goes with how confident I am about things at the time. Definitely something I’d love to get more of a handle on!
NickyPosted at 17:51h, 23 October
Great post Scott!
I have 16,17,18,19,31,32,33 and 35 in common with you.
My share is: I have 2 children who I love but I do not enjoy being a parent. It makes me cross and sad when I tell someone that and they say “Yes you do!”.
ScottPosted at 19:24h, 23 October
Well the perhaps you can just be a good friend to them 🙂
NickyPosted at 18:51h, 24 October
Just want to clarify, I am a good parent. I do not shirk the responsibilities of being a parent. What I am sharing is that, for me, it is largely not an enjoyable process. I worry about their health and well being, balancing their diet, making sure they have a good amount of activity and down time, attention from me, time with family, time with friends, discipline and love. A lot of parents will tell you they love every minute of it and that having children is always wonderful. I just want to point out that is not always the case. So if anyone ever feels like they are not coping, you are not alone.xxx
Faith McKenziePosted at 09:18h, 27 October
I totally understand what you mean Nicky. I am a mother of three young children. Most of my time with them is not spent smiling and rolling around on the grassy lawn with them. Parenting is the hardest job in the world! It’s also one of the most scary jobs in the world. Parents hold the responsibility of taking part in molding another human being who will cause a significant ripple effect in society one day. I do my best and pray that their ripple effect will be positive. I pray that my children will stay on the right side of the law and not be the next news story about a child who did something crazy. I pray that they will learn to make choices that will lead to a life that they will enjoy living.
My children are my greatest treasures and biggest investment in my life. But, it is not easy and it is not always fun. It is hard to get out of bed some days because of the immense responsibility that lies before me. But, I get up because I am highly motivated to give them the best life that I can because it is my responsibility and I love them. Parenthood is difficult because of the crazy things that can happen. But it can also be difficult because of the boring and mundane times. After I had my first child, I felt like my days were extremely redundant as I struggled to get sleep in between feeding my baby. The days were filled with nothing but feeding and diaper changes. By my third child I learned to interact with a newborn more and learned to appreciate those quiet times. So, sometimes you just have to learn to make difficult circumstances better and tweak some things that don’t come natural. Living life to the fullest means sucking the best stuff out of anything and everything. Not easy. But doable.
So, I admire you for being brave enough to say what so many parents feel guilty about expressing. Thank God for the gifted people who do miracles with children and naturally love to work with them. May God help the rest of us for whom things do not come so natural. We have to work at it. And that’s OK. Failing would mean that we don’t work at it and that we don’t try our best. So, as long as you never give up and you are the best parent you can be, your children will show their appreciation to you some day. That’s what means the world to parents who have made sacrifices of labor and love for their children.
Anyone else know what I mean?
VickiPosted at 11:58h, 27 October
Thank you for sharing! I’m convinced there are many who feel the same but, for some reason, the topic seems to be taboo. Kudos to you for putting it out there!
I can somewhat relate because when I tell people I don’t want children they often reply, “Of course you do!” But some parents admit that if they had it to do all over again, they wouldn’t have children.
I feel strongly that there should be more public dialog on this topic. So much so that it’s already on my list of things to blog about.
Thanks again for your share. And, no, you are not alone.
BenPosted at 17:53h, 23 October
You really rocked this post, and I’m in gratitude for you opening up this way. I was really hanging on every word of your humanity.
I can reread an article I’ve written 3-5 times and still have typo’s. It’s like I go blind. I try reading it a loud and printing it and still they make their way in there. I’ve even had my own mother and sister call me out on it! Maybe I need a Cherilyn!
ScottPosted at 19:25h, 23 October
I am the exact same way! That’s why having Cherilyn has become a must. Another awesome member of our community for editing is Jo. She’s could be a great fit!
BenPosted at 09:57h, 28 October
awesome! Will tweet you on that!
TammyPosted at 17:58h, 23 October
I love the fact that you get nervous about writing and speaking in public. I was so nervous doing my 1st mixer for Advocare where I was the presenter that I had to sneak in the kitchen & down a glass of wine to calm my nerves. I am quite sure I had 500 run on sentences and something that should have taken 30 min took over an hour because I felt like I was forgetting something every time I tried to close it out lol. I also started a blog for your contest and had to send my posts to my son (who is a blogger) to get his approval because I almost threw up when I hit the “Post” Button lol. Considering how Awesome I think all of your writing is, I feel much better knowing that you have the same nerves and anxiety as I do when I write! Thanks for Sharing!
ScottPosted at 19:27h, 23 October
We are a lot more similar than you might have thought Tammy!
And that throw up feeling is a great sign! It means you’re doing something that matters. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Congrats on getting your ideas out to the world!
And yes wine is a nice way to get a little courage for the stage -depending on the venue ;). You can be sure I’ll have a little sip before my best man toast this weekend. But just a little…
Pamela DevinePosted at 18:32h, 23 October
Thank you for sharing, Scott. I appreciate your willingness to always be authentic.
What I need to admit is that I’ve spent the last year hanging onto a relationship that I should have let go of long ago. I made every effort to make it work and now I’m letting go. It’s scarier than anything I’ve done over the last year, and it’s been a year in which I have constantly stepped out of my comfort zone. I’m feeling relieved and sad. But I know that being patient with myself will be the key to moving on and it will help free me to move forward in my life and my career as well.
ScottPosted at 19:29h, 23 October
Well I congratulate you on your courage and willingness to finally make that decision Pamela. Even though it sounds like the writing is on the wall, it’s never easy to draw that line in the sand. I’m proud of you. We’re in your corner however we can help.
MatiasPosted at 18:52h, 23 October
A few days ago I read an article that said that an important life lesson is to realize that we are going to spend most of the time figuring out stuff. I feel inspired for the authenticity on each point of the post, but I was specially moved by your recognition of sometimes being lost, having things to improve, fears and personal challenges. I guess that´s the kind of stuff that we are not inclined to talk about with others, and that makes us carry them alone. Ironically, they are our most human side. The whole LYL movement, the courses and the community have not only gave me the certainty about that´s possible to do work you love, but also has brought me back to the idea that there´s no shame on showing who you truly are, what you stand for and what are your struggles. In fact, the message is clear: being yourself IS the way of building awesome stuff. This post is the perfect example of why we all feel so great being a part of LYL. Awesome!
PS: If anyone is interested, you can find the article here (I thought it was pretty cool) http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-things-nobody-told-you-while-growing.html
ScottPosted at 19:34h, 23 October
Great article Matias! Thanks for sharing. I’m pretty sure I’ve come across that before. So good.
And yes, we will always be figuring things out. That’s what makes the adventure so damn fun!
Alex MillPosted at 19:15h, 23 October
Thank you for constantly being an awesome role model. You don’t just say what to do — you demonstrate HOW to do it. You don’t just say “go start a blog” — you also create a compassionate video that shows how easy it is, (and by the way, I created mine soon after and it’s been a marvelously creative, off-the-wall fun experience!)
And with this latest blog you’ve written — you didn’t just tell people to write whatever is real for them in their blogs — you modeled what that looks like — for all of us. Deep gratitude for this, Scott. Without taking up a ton-o-space, I’ll jump into the OPEN ZONE with you too, since you offered.
1. I was a Zen Buddhist monk for 13 years.
2. When I was a kid, my favorite activities included putting gloves on my feet and pretending I was King Kong, lifting weights while watching the Hulk on tv, and playing our Tron video over 50 times, (proudly memorized every single line from that flick!)
3. I wish I was better at communication. I don’t often say enough to others before acting and this gets me into trouble.
4. I love many things and want to do EVERYTHING. Often times this is an exciting way to live but sometimes I feel like I may be watering myself thin and not giving ONE thing a boat-load of focus.
5. I have a very useful talent: I can turn on an enthusiasm switch inside of myself that gets others to do the same. If there was one skill that I could put to use more often — it would be this one.
6. In contrast, many of my interests aren’t a good fit for my current environment. A bit of a social “misfit” I would say: I don’t take drugs, drink, watch TV, go out to bars. I am however vegan, a fitness/yoga fiend,I love to learn AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, meditate, cook, create… I miss California!
7. I’m 44 but have been told I look like I’m 28 (must be all that clean livin’ 🙂 ) and yes, I too get concerned about my parents and their health. Part of why I left the monastery was to be with them and assist as much as I can.
8. I feel like I am always attempting to offer my 2 cents on anything someone has to say. For instance, when you shared about your anxiety — I knew EXACTLY what I would encourage you to do. I never know how others feel about this, but sometimes it makes me wonder if I’m really in a conversation WITH them or looking for ways to ADD myself in.
9. I too have those intense moments of being lost in some creative endeavor passionately, with plans of action, etc. And then those moments when I could sit and watch the trees blowing in the wind for hours. Must be that split within me: the wild entrepreneur making something of this life and the wild Zen Monk who knows that life is making something out of him.
10. I have an undying passion for what is truly essential for myself as a human being. “Whats” or “contents” in life like job, partner, possessions can sometimes muddle me up in my pursuit of the big “HOWs” of life. Like being happy, experiencing equanimity, and living a compassionate life. I’m grateful I have practices that continually remind me how to remember what is truly essential.
Thanks for listening and inspiring the best, as usual.
ScottPosted at 20:21h, 23 October
Well thank you for sharing Alex – this is exactly what I’m talking about!
#2 sounds like a ton of fun, #5 is priceless and please do tell what do about the anxiety! I’m all ears and eager to learn, esp from a legit Zen Monk!
So glad you’re with us and thank you for being as open as I was willing to be with you all. You just shared that with tens of thousands of people :).
AbigailPosted at 19:17h, 23 October
Thanks for sharing Scott. You are my idol and I wish to follow in your footsteps someday. I follow your blog through e-mail (I also live off on my e-mail) and it’s my first time to comment! Yay!
I, too, am a bit of late and procrastinator. But I love doing things fast. I know it’s bad, but the adrenaline rush is addictive.
Another funny thing is that I am afraid to fail.
I start things and when some thing either not picks up or face criticism, I give up, abort mission. I hate myself for that.
I am disappointed with myself specially when I see my friends who have better careers.
ScottPosted at 20:23h, 23 October
Well the fantastic news is that’s all 100% in your control to do something about Abigail. And we’re all here to support you as you lean into the uncertainty, charge forward and start riding the butterflies!!!
And hurray for your first comment. I look forward to it not being your last :).
AbigailPosted at 04:45h, 27 October
I don’t know you reply to each and every one of these comments.
You know what, I feel free-r now that I’ve said it. And now I feel I can do something about it!
CazzPosted at 19:20h, 23 October
Scott, you’re such a dag and I love it!
So many of the things you list I also struggle with and I have about as much as a pea on my plate compared to your entire Sunday Roast!
But sharing some of the dorky qualities you have (pink linen, forreal?) makes you so endearing and the more difficult truths you share a lot easier to relate to.
I suppose we all need to make peace with the fact that we’re not going to ever be free of some of these feelings in order to let go and have their influence pass us by.
Thank you for sharing! And don’t sweat it, sharing your true self is harrowing, but for the most part, people are caring and gentle with the information. 🙂
ScottPosted at 20:26h, 23 October
Well I greatly appreciate your compassion and acceptance. And love that you used the word Dag! Actually have no idea what that means and my dictionary doesn’t provide much help 🙂
Most hilarious analogy ever with the Sunday Roast btw!
TerrinPosted at 19:21h, 23 October
I think that this post was sooooo needed. I think that we all think that the people we look up to as leader, guides, or whatever are “perfect”, not even always becuase they’re trying to persuade us or present themselves as perfect, but I think we naturally want them to be less flawed than we are and create the illusion for ourselves. So the fact that you’ve taken the time to make it very clear that you’re not anything bigger or better than anyone else is extremely helpful in making it easier to reach out to you, trust you, and even take some of the valuable advice you have to offer. Thanks
Also, I have a blog already (that I’ve decided to actually take more seriously) how do I join the challenge?
ScottPosted at 20:28h, 23 October
That’s what I love so much about this experience – it reminds us all that people are people. No matter where we are in life, we all share the same struggles and challenges. And with that, we can all relate and help one another as long as we’re willing to put ourselves out there. When we do, the world stands in our corner.
ScottPosted at 20:29h, 23 October
Oh and btw, awesome about your blog. You can absolutely participate in the challenge with an existing blog. I will announce the details of the challenge once the blog starting deadline is past (end of Oct next week). The main thing you need to know is that you have to be willing to write something once a week. Anything will do, no matter how long or short. The other details will come but that’s the gist. Easy stuff 🙂
Faith McKenziePosted at 19:56h, 23 October
Thanks for being so brave Scott! This post will undoubtedly inspire us all to be stronger and to realize that we are all people with different strengths and weaknesses. None of us is perfect. And that’s OK. I can definitely relate to you on point #35. Many times in life, people are just winging it! Leaders don’t always have the answers for everything. Sometimes being a leader means to be an example to others of how to climb the ladder of success while learning. We could weave a thread through the archives of your blog and see how much you have learned and grown through your journey of just being brave enough to do things. That is what makes you a great leader – Sharing your journey with the rest of us. That’s why so many people respect you and are encouraged by you. You have very eloquently kept it real man. I hope that you can lower your stress levels and be more at peace. Know that we do not expect you to be perfect or to have all of the right answers. We just love sharing in this crazy journey of life with you!
My personal point to share: I don’t want to die without contributing something great to the world. It doesn’t even have to be to the entire world. I would love to just help change a few peoples lives. I went through a major point of hell in my life and a lot of people painstakingly helped me to get through that rough time. I don’t want to die before I can pay that forward.
ScottPosted at 20:34h, 23 October
Thank you for this Faith. It’s actually really calming (and of course extremely humbling and rewarding) to read. Would be really fun to weave through the archives to see how the story has unfolded.
That’s another reason why I love the habit of consistent writing and keeping a blog. Leaves the perfect paper trail of how your thoughts, beliefs and dreams develop over time. So fun.
As for you not wanting to die without contributing – you stating that publicly here gives me a lot confidence that you will more than take care of making your impact. And you’ve come to the right place. We’re here to help however we can :).
Glad you’re a part of the adventure! And to think we’re just getting started…
JanPosted at 20:07h, 23 October
I loved your post! “Number 33. I am constantly battling and dealing with stress – and it’s brutal. …Yet for the past six months or so, there has been this level of stress that’s been taking a lot of the fun out of things and I just can’t get my head around it.”
In the last few months I feel like I’ve been dealing with this as well.
It seems like over the last few years I’ve created a business that has started to really pay back for me this year as well as a complementary business that has really paid us (my husband and I) back. I was working a full time job that I hated but stayed at because I needed the money to use to get our businesses up and running. With the success and growth has come a lot of work. I love what I created, but a lot of the fun part is the creating. Once it becomes created and is just starting to get successful I get bored and want to start something new to be challenged. I didn’t feel like I could quit my full time job. But I didn’t want to keep doing that either. I’ve looked into other options for the future, not thinking I could make enough money from our businesses quite yet but knowing I really didn’t want to keep working my full time job. I decided to figure out what I was really passionate about through your program. I realized I really like the businesses that I created but felt like I was missing the interaction I needed. I started to looking into programs for teaching, thinking maybe I would look into getting my masters so I could teach. Talking to a professor for a few months I finally decided to enroll (not knowing how I was going to find the time) but figuring on just taking one class at a time and eventually work towards my masters degree. Out of the blue, I got a email from her saying that the local high school was looking for a part time teacher. The next thing I know I’m teaching part time and going back to school and quit my full time job that I hated. I now love every part of what I’m currently doing (the businesses, teaching, and school)but everything all together has become too much. So I’m looking into what I can do to lighten my load. I think sometimes we are just stressed because we do have more to do than what we can handle and just don’t want to admit it to ourselves. We think we can do everything, but the stress is telling our bodies something much different. Thanks for helping me with my passion. I do love teaching! I’m teaching computer classes in high school. I love learning new things myself and I love to teach to others. I do feel like I found the missing piece. Now I just need to find balance with everything (most likely needing to remove something that no longer is serving me).
ScottPosted at 20:40h, 23 October
Yeahhhhh Jan!! I can’t tell you how fun it is to read a story like yours. Talk about a well-deserve journey of discovery and success. Love it!
As for the stress and having too much to do, the main thing I’m focusing on from a business perspective to help with this is to set up the proper systems, processes and talented people to help take the lead on things that I’m not that great at and simply don’t have the time to do well. That has helped more than I could ever describe. I can hardly sleep now with how exciting it is to be forming this team. They can start at just a few hours a week or something and just be sure they fully believe in your vision and share your same Why. Then things start to get really fun.
A fantastic resource and roadmap for this is the book and framework Work The System. That’s be priceless for me. Have a look here: http://www.workthesystem.com/
Here’s to simplifying – and only spending our time doing the things we’re actually good at and enjoy. It’s more possible than we like to believe…
Leah HynesPosted at 20:19h, 23 October
Thank you for giving us all permission to be authentic Scott. Having met you in person, you are one of the most authentic people I know.
For me, I have never taken responsibility for the direction in my life, for finances and speaking up. I have played the victim for a lot of it.
That victim role still comes up for me now every day where I feel sorry for myself…’why me!’. And then I remember that it’s just a bullish*t story I made up so I could shirk responsibility for being amazing. I’m still working on giving it up entirely.
I feel refreshed reading this. Thank you & I think we all love you even more!!
ScottPosted at 20:43h, 23 October
Well you ladies bring this all out in me more than you realize.
And obviously your “taking responsibility” issue is a thing of the past with all that you, Naz and Melanie have built with The Pursuit of Purpose. Talk about being on fire!!! I know our community here is SO much better as a result. Your coaching for our Connect With Anyone community has been pure gold!
Thank you for taking the reigns you have. The world is better off. I know I certainly am!
RobinPosted at 20:43h, 23 October
Thanks for sharing Scott, like a lot of others have said we all can claim to have similar experiences.
When I was young I was shy and scared to do anything different because of what others would think of me. I also accepted what others thought I should do, and now at 61 have realized I had the choice to make my own life.
Now I am more hesitant to try things because I feel I have more to lose if I fail, less time to makeup for the mistakes.
ScottPosted at 20:45h, 23 October
But you also have less time to waste Robin! So there’s even more urgency to lean in, take what’s rightfully yours and make your dent in the world. We’ll all be better for it and you have over 70,000 people from every country in the world here to support you. Time for some fun!
So… what do you have in mind? 🙂
suzPosted at 20:53h, 23 October
I was truly afraid no one would show up to help after my recent surgery. I was right to be scared. No one did. Brutal.
ScottPosted at 21:19h, 23 October
So sorry to hear that Suz. Sometimes it’s important to let the people close to you know how important it is that they do one thing or another. Even if it’s just one person from work or some other part of your life.
I am training for a big race in December – a way longer distance than I’ve ever done. But I have not made a huge deal about it and when I brought it up with Chelsea she didn’t really think it was a big deal and wasn’t really planning to be there to support. Not because she didn’t want to, but just because she didn’t think I cared because I hadn’t said much. I clearly assumed the wrong thing. I should know by now how dangerous assumptions are 😉
My thoughts are with you and a healthy recovery!
RobinPosted at 08:47h, 24 October
Maybe they all thought you could cope…. let them know you need them… I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers and wish you have a speedy recovery! 🙂
JenniferPosted at 21:10h, 23 October
I am massively insecure and overconfident at the same time. It’s like I know I’m good, but worry if I’m wrong about myself.
ScottPosted at 21:20h, 23 October
Thanks for you openness Jennifer. And I’d say there’s only one way to find out. Try slowly testing that assumption with little baby steps of putting yourself out in public. Notice what happens and then correct accordingly.
Prelude To My Reformation | Prelude To My ReformationPosted at 21:24h, 23 October
[…] Your Legend on the blog post where Scott totally opens up about his life and talks about “painful authenticity“. A shared the fact that I don’t want to die without ever being able to make a great […]
JennaPosted at 21:56h, 23 October
The last few years, I’ve been learning so much about what technology makes possible, and have been struggling to translate my life’s work into this new paradigm to give it to the world – without overworking or putting my health at risk. My vision has seemed so big that I’ve been paralyzed and overwhelmed, unable to imagine the first step. Then I fell in love. Then, my partner moved away to be near his young kids, and broke up with me, but we stayed in touch as friends. After a year of that, we both finally admitted we’re unhappy apart – and this was the motivation that got me to join a mastermind group, join LYL, and start creating first steps. I need a business that lets me travel to be with him. Before, I was all tied in knots over whether anyone will want my work, what they’ll think of me, how should I start, how do I get people interested. Now, I’m working for love – and I’m going for it.
ScottPosted at 22:20h, 23 October
How amazing is it to see the power of having a deeply important reason for doing things eh Jenna?! And nothing gets more powerful than love!
Huge congrats to you – I’m excited to see how it evolves. Keep us posted.
Here’s to love :).
Chris SoncrantPosted at 22:25h, 23 October
Scott, what you’ve done here is beautiful. I myself grow so weary of hearing about all the “perfect” people who went form nothing to amazing… what I like to hear, what I need to hear is the stories of overcoming struggles. I have been an extremely depressed person almost my whole life (up until a few years ago).
I literally hated who I was, everything about me I simply despised… there was no one on the planet who I felt more disgusted with than me. It was the absolute embodiment of a living hell. I tried to escape this by using drugs (mostly smoking a lot for pot), and playing video games, and isolating from the world around me, but this simply trapped me into the shell of self-hatred that I so longed to escape from. I was one of those who looked to their past and placed a lot of blame on everyone one else around me, my parents especially. I was so pissed at them for bringing me into this world and “doing what they did to me.”
It all accumulated to the point to where I felt so much poisonous, horrible energy coursing through my body on a daily basis. I was so scared of being alive, but at the same time I was so scared death. I felt so trapped within myself. It was absolutely torrential. I remember just yelling out “I HATE!” At that moment I was the embodiment of hatred. And that’s when it clicked. I don’t know what happened, I just knew that I was going to do everything that I could to “fix” myself.
Easily the BEST decision I made in my life thus far has been to forgive the people who I placed so much blame on and take responsibility for how I was feeling. I knew so deep down inside that the worst thing I could do was hate my parents. I imagined what it would be like to be a father to a child that hated me and despised his own life and this ripped me to my core. I balled like a baby. And I knew that that was NOT what I was going to do to them. At that moment I decided that I was going to love them because they didn’t deserve anything less.
My parents were (and astir are obviously) just humans trying to figure this thing called life out, just as I was and am. I get to look back on those very dark times with a tremendous smile on my face now because my life and my family’s lives are so much more different than what they were just 3 short years ago. I still struggle with feeling down about myself, but I am learning to embrace this person that I am. It ain’t easy, but boy it’s sure a whole lot more fun than what it was before!
I have a tremendous faith that my experience was not for naught… it’s simply a matter of time. I am here today because I have a purpose and I am getting closer to that purpose with every experience I have. There is no wasted energy in this world! There is only a vast amount of potential and we all get to choose to embody this potential. I am learning this and will continue to learn for the rest of my life. Learn and grow, and learn and grow some more, and help as many people as I can along the way! Anywho I know this was long-winded and there’s fear knowing that I am going to put this out for people to see and judge and do with it what they may, but this was a huge part of my journey, and I am not afraid of being naked… well, you know what I mean 😉
AndreaPosted at 22:25h, 23 October
I absolutly love it!! I just write a blog post 3 weeks ago about how I think than for being gay I couldn’t be successful. I wrote about what it took to change this and realizing that I can have a relationship with the love of my life (which happens to be a girl) and achieving my dreams of helping people to live better lives, become a great public speaker and travel the world while making it a better place! It is hard to open in that way, but I found it totally worth it! I really identify myself when you mention being apart of childhood friends because there are not common things as it used to be! Or feeling small around your actual and new friends! (Guess I should somehow blame (in a good way) How to connect with anyome and ur scolarship for this hahaha). It really challenges me to keep working!! I also love when you mention the nights laying in your bed terrified of the next steps or just laying there thinking!! thanks for this great article Scott!! I am really looking fordward to meet you in person somewhere in the world!! Let me know whenever you come to southeast asia! I am in Kuala Lumpur but I can move anyplace around here!! Lots of mexican love for you and all the live your legend team!
Christopher ZennerPosted at 23:47h, 23 October
Well, Scott, looks like this post was a true success. I’m grateful to you and the LYL community for your authenticity and vulnerability. You _will_ change the world your courage and integrity. Brené Brown would be proud of you guys! (Have you read _Daring Greatly_?)
When I stumbled on LYL a couple of months ago (via your TED Talk, Scott), I was immediately inspired. When I found out that you had launched this revolution in your early thirties, well, I was impressed, but let’s just say it also took the wind out of my sails …
I’m 41 and I have adult AD/HD. Problem is I didn’t find out about the AD/HD until September 2012. By then, I had gone bankrupt twice. How’s that for financial disaster?
Try explaining to people that you have a problem with executive functioning. Most people don’t even know what that is. When you tell them it’s difficult to control impulsive behavior or to manage time or overwhelm is frequently an issue, they just roll their eyes or stare at you blankly. Do you know how many people don’t even “believe” in AD/HD? It’s like someone saying they don’t believe in type 2 diabetes.
At my age, I’ve yet to have a career–unless you count the four years I floundered around in IT as a programmer. It’s really embarrassing at social functions when you get the “Oh, and what do you do?” question. By your 40s, people expect that you have your sh*t together, that you own a home, that you have a respectable retirement account, etc., etc. I have none of the above. And, frankly, the only part that bothers me is how people judge me because of it.
To put the cherry on top of the proverbial sundae, in August 2009, I married the man who I thought was the love of my life. (We were one of the first same-sex couples to marry in Iowa, after their Supreme Court cleared the path.) We returned to our home state and began working with an equality organization so we could use our story to pursue marriage equality in Texas. A week later, less than six months after we had stood before a district court judge and declared our vows, my spouse left our marriage. I never saw it coming. Rather than working for equality for the next five years, I got to wrestle with the emotional trauma of my “Britney Spears marriage.”
If I were to offer this to people, most would turn tail and run, and I can’t say that I’d blame them. The funny thing is, to meet me, most people wouldn’t realize I’ve had such an “unsuccessful” life. In spite of my wounds, I’m fairly well adjusted. And, I have meditation–specifically vipassana and metta–to thank. They’ve allowed me to hold all of this and still wear a smile most days.
I can’t tell you how badly I want to hit the delete key on this, but everyone had the courage to submit such beautiful and authentic stories, and that inspires me to hit the Submit Comment button instead. Namasté.
AnonPosted at 04:07h, 24 October
I can relate to a lot of your post and it was very comforting to read. You’re not alone. I feel the same way about a lot of things. 🙂
Christopher ZennerPosted at 17:23h, 24 October
Thank you, Anon. I really needed your words today. I’ve been struggling with how vulnerable I should be on my blog. It’s tough. You put stuff out there, and you hope you don’t come off as “a freak.” Then people like you reply, and I realize you’re “my tribe,” you are the reason I write. Gassho, Anon. May you be well and happy. =]
Toni AntonettePosted at 00:25h, 24 October
thanks for sharing this.
What struck me is the fact that the things you’re possibly a little ashamed of (reading chick flicks, wearing pastel, doing the splits) made me smile and actually believe in you, your ideas and this website.
What I’m currently most ashamed of is the fact that my boyfriend is paying all the bills which should be our joint bills. I barely make enough money to cover my monthly expenses and for the last 4 years he has had to spend most of his income on our rent, electricity bills and all the odd costs that happen to come along.
What to innocent onlookers might seem like a comfortable, secure life is truly tormenting me.
AnonPosted at 04:05h, 24 October
That is exactly mine as well. 100% the same over here. It’s so uncomfortable when you want to be independent, but yet for me, don’t place high value on finances…
Abdul RahmanPosted at 00:27h, 24 October
I feel comforted to see emails pop in from LYL in my updates tab on gmail. As everyone else, i’ve seen your talk on tedx and it has liberated my mind to the idea of doing something you love doing rather than the opposite.
To be honest, it’s been a tremendous struggle to find what I love and enjoy doing and know for sure that I love this thing and I wouldn’t get bored of doing it after a couple of months. Which is a challenge that I face constantly, I get extremely disengaged as soon as something becomes routinish. I have lots of vague aspirations, and dreams to do much more with my life that I belive I am doing at the moment. Everyone around me seems against the idea of leaving a job that I absolutely hate. At first I had a solid ground, but as of know I feel like I’m loosing that ground and giving my belief up, accepting that I will need to keep doing this job, untill I find something better. It becomes very challenging when you speak of your dreams to your friends and they disreagard it immediately as impossible and absurd.
So although I look very confident, and the guy with a plan from the outside, from the inside, I’m lost, uncomfortable, and very low.
That is why seeing your LYL pop-in my inbox keeps me motivated to belief in my ideas, dreams and aspirations.
Thank you for sharing with us all of that!
RobinPosted at 08:54h, 24 October
Dear Abdul, you have to listen to your heart… that always speaks the truth. Your friends are probably scared for you and don’t want to encourage you in case you fail. Believe in yourself and when it is time to meet your maker… will you regret the action you took or the action you didn’t take? All the best and good luck in finding your joy.
Abdul RahmanPosted at 22:41h, 26 October
“You have to listen to your heart” I haven’t heard that or even though of that for a while, I have actually ignored my screaming heart (coming to think about it now) for a very long time.
Thanks a Robin. I appreciate your advice more than what you can imagine.
All the best to you too!!!
DianaPosted at 00:54h, 24 October
You just made my day! 🙂
What you are doing is great!
moemenPosted at 01:42h, 24 October
First of all congratulations, you are brave to admit your weakness and mistakes although i think you were underestimating yourself in many of them. Although i had the courage to face myself with my mistakes ,i can never share them in public.i love always to be alone thinking and writing . I wrote more than 500 pages about myself ,lifestory, mistakes,lessons i have learned from life ,but i never share all these pages.i am not sure that is because i don’t have the courage to show my mistakes to others or because i think what i wrote is special and secret.
I don’t know if being alone nearly all the time , hating to be with any person even my family is a kind of madness!! I have the pleasure of being described as weired and strange person unlike any normal person .maybe i had many characteristics in common with you but in fact in my own opinion some of them as for myself i regard them as an advantage of my personality rather than a disadvantage
All my wishes for you to be happier and overcome what bothers you
Darren PereiraPosted at 01:44h, 24 October
Wassup? My name is Darren Pereira. I saw you’re TED Talk on the weekend and I loved it.
I run seminars here in Australia & New Zealand and am fortunate enough to reach about 25,000 students a year. Half my seminars are based on finding your passion. The seminar is called Shape Your Destiny.
It was cool to see another young person keeping it real and spreading the message. ‘Do what you love & love what you do’ is my mantra.
I thought I would connect with you and see if there might be a way to spread the message globally. I am now running 225 seminars a year and during peak times running as many as 4 high powered seminars a day. I can get quite exhausted with the amount of travel I do & energy I expend and would like to build a team. I also want to speak more about spirituality which is what got me to leave one of the Big 4 accounting firms, KPMG, and begin my own business. That was a huge & scary step which you know all too well.
Your wife reminds me so much of mine. She is my inspiration and was one of the first to believe in me. She is soft and kind just like Chelsea appears to be. We’re also into food. Vegetarian as well. That was a huge step for me. I gave up meat at around 23, even though I hated vegetables and have been veg for about 16 years.
Anyways, you can check out an old video of me when I started about 10 years ago:
Peace brother & I hope to hear back from you.
Nicole HillPosted at 02:30h, 24 October
This is such an inspiring post. Thank you! I often feel very alone sometimes because I cannot relate to many people and wish I had a best friend or sister to talk to about anything (I’m an only child)and hang out with. I also tend to worry too much about money and worry that I may never find someone who is willing to love an Atheist like me.
AnonPosted at 04:03h, 24 October
I’m the same way about my atheism, wondering about acceptance. You’re not alone.
Nicole HillPosted at 20:12h, 26 October
Thanks so much. It is really nice to know I’m not alone! 🙂
Christopher ZennerPosted at 17:31h, 24 October
I was touched by your words, Nicole. Some of the most beautiful people I know are Atheists. The man I consider my mentor and one of my best friends does not believe in God. Please know that you are perfect and worthy of love just as you are. <3
Nicole HillPosted at 20:14h, 26 October
Thank you so much! This actually brought a tear to my eye. Your kind words are proof to me that the world is changing and becoming more open. I wish you every bit of happiness, love, and success!
Christopher ZennerPosted at 17:46h, 24 October
Just in case you haven’t already seen it, Nicole, I wanted to share a TED Talk with you: “Atheism 2.0” by Alain de Botton. You’ll find it at the following link: http://youtu.be/2Oe6HUgrRlQ
HalinaPosted at 19:54h, 31 October
You are so much more than just an atheist. I live in a rather Catholic city but I am not religious at all. I’m not sure I’m an atheist (that’s actually a journey I’m taking at the moment) but I know I am a person with so much to offer and so are you!
The people who would discount you for being an atheist are not people you would want in your life anyway. Keep being your authentic self!
Dave WPosted at 02:40h, 24 October
This is counter cultural and 100% awesome.
You went way up in my estimations and so far I’ve only just read the introduction.
Jackson AndersonPosted at 02:49h, 24 October
Awesome read Scott!
Really enjoy these authentic posts, you definitely get a better feeling and understanding of the person behind the blog and success!
I must admit it was nice to read the chick flick comment, I’m totally guilty of them being one of my guilty pleasure as well, never can get enough Rachel McAdams haha!
and #26 really resonates with me.
I’m only 22 but about to start my 5th year out of high school in 2014 and it’s like I dont have any friends from those years anymore.
The choice to want more than just drugs, clubs and partying has left me distant and away.
I’m grateful as I have a great girl, passion, aspiring blog, a house and a great future ahead but you can’t help but feel upset that you don’t have your best friends anymore.
All the best mate!
What I Have to Offer | Simple HeartPosted at 03:16h, 24 October
[…] Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend, whom I credit with inspiring Simple Heart into being, wrote a post today that was deeply moving because it was honest, vulnerable, and authentic. And I realize […]
Kate LambertPosted at 03:43h, 24 October
Your post came at the perfect time for me as I have begun learning about the hidden imperfections of human beings. Your post is honest, brave and real. It has made me like you even more and it serves people better than them thinking that you are that special person they are not (and that’s why you have become successful and why they don’t really stand a chance). Its dawned on me recently that there is no ‘result day’ when you reach the place of perfection,when you become the ultimate human.
Like life, we are always changing and as the psychologist Carl Rogers says ‘We never become, we are always becoming.’ So instead of focusing on ‘why we are not the person we seek to be yet’ we need to learn to accept ourselves for what we are now. This is my ongoing process and its not easy.
I am scatty, disorganised, have bad time management, binge eat at times, am highly skilled at talking myself out of exercise, can becoming a bit preechy when i really believe in something, I put my appearance at too high an importance, better at talking than listening, sometimes over think and over analysing until my head spins, avoid washing my hair for days…BUT I have some pretty good stuff going on too – I’m learning to love my whole package as a beautiful mess!
Christopher ZennerPosted at 17:42h, 24 October
“I’m learning to love my who package as a beautiful mess!”
I’m moved and inspired by those words, Kate. In the end, I think that’s what it comes down to–accepting ourselves for the “beautiful messes” we are. I’d love to create a community of beautiful messes. I think the Beautiful Mess Tribe is “my tribe.” =]
VickiPosted at 13:57h, 27 October
Beautiful Mess Tribe? I’m in!!
AnonPosted at 04:01h, 24 October
Thank you so much for this post. Half way through, I cut and run to my computer journal and wrote about 40 completely honest facts about myself, some that even I have trouble admitting to the mirror. It was painful and it made me feel guilty and afraid, but it does feel good to have it off my chest, to see that I’m not in denial. Sadly, I don’t have the courage to change much of it.
Perhaps, one day…
Maria KayumiPosted at 04:10h, 24 October
Scott, this is one of my favourite articles of yours ever. I’m so glad you shared all of that in spite of feeling scared to!
I could write a looooong list. But for now, just this: One day, I’d like to write a blog post that leaves readers feeling the way that I feel now having read yours.
Jessica AdamsPosted at 04:25h, 24 October
I’m a yoga teacher and sometimes I take a cup of coffee to my mat, a glass of wine has also been known to accompany me… I work with pregnant women and new mums and am pretty clued up about attachment parenting, Non-violent communication, talking to kids to kids will listen and listening so kids will talk, read all the Buddhist books on mothering, etc. etc. but I still find getting ready for the school run in the morning with two kids a nightmare and can’t get a handle on the stressful pace of, even when I have given myself two hours to get ready, and, so, yes, sometimes snap and rush my kids… I continue to blame my parents and extended family for the mess that was my home life as a teenager that took me my twenties and into my thirties to work through and get over, even though I’ve had plenty of therapy and know it’s really not helpful to hold onto it any more, I’m getting better… I know that the latter is potentially a huge source of creativity, and it has definitely helped me to find endless pools of strength and determination within myself, but I am still scared, really paralysingly scared to tap into that wellspring of material… I LOVE the fact that we’re all colours and all shades and that the stuff of life that makes us feel vulnerable and sad is a source of empowerment, that are shadows, the bits we are afraid to show, are often where the most beguiling aspects of ourselves and our lives reside. They teach us love and kindness and compassion, not to mention humility. Blessings. Jess
Michael SummerfieldPosted at 05:11h, 24 October
Only a couple of things…I *never* used to reply to blogs or posts that I read, for a number of reasons. However, this time I am. (and this is the FIRST time I ever copied/pasted my ‘website’; I’m new to wordpress, thanks to your challenge, even though I didn’t go through your group or sign up for the lottery, as my objective was simply to win by starting. Nevertheless, I digress..
I absolutely LOVED this post. You’ve made yourself much more human, and others will definitely be able to relate to you (as I have this morning) in many more ways. The one, no two, that jumped out at me were the handstands and the speaking in public. I used to handstand OFTEN! (especially after a few cocktails as well! lol!!) and I have to admit, there is a love/hate relationship that I have with speaking in public. I used to be a technology trainer for teachers. I grew to absolutely LOVE standing up in front of a room full of people and delivering my message. The hate is the anxiety that is built up to it, right before I open my mouth and the first word comes out. I miss that job. It was probably the most fun I’ve ever had. Part of me would say it’s what I was put here for, because secretly I would have done it for no monetary gain at all, only for the juice and the pleasure of it. (glad my bosses at the time didn’t know that or they would have taken me up on it!) Hopefully there will be a day when I can do that again, or something similar.
Regardless, thank you for this post…it was truly a joy to read, and to relate to!
Have an amazingly wonderful day!
Ngoc KhongPosted at 05:14h, 24 October
I love everything you’ve done to teach us how important authenticity is, especially how you’ve modeled it for us. First you posted a video clip of you doing the break-dance, now you took a leap of faith and posted 35 personal facts. Actually I’m not surprised, I knew this day would come, I knew one day you would do this, because from the way you have written all the blog posts here I find you honest, authentic, very… you, just the way you are.
I guess nobody has ever had enough courage to reveal such kinds of facts in public like you, even Corbett Barr who wrote the post “33 Things I’ve Never Told You” – half of what he wrote were still “safe facts” I think, but this post of yours – I could feel you poured all your heart into it, in a so much different way (Sorry if some of you find this comparison inappropriate, it’s just my 2 cents).
Thank you, you are a truly inspiring leader who lead others by example, Scott. As a deal between you and us LYLers, I, a LYLer, will take a leap of faith too and write a blog post to share things that I never share in public. I’ll return and post the link to the post when I finish. Well that’s gonna be scary…
B. RoofPosted at 05:39h, 24 October
Thank you Scott, for showing me that being authentic is not a curse!
I have a big problem with competitiveness (I just googled the spelling of this word!) in general. But especially with my fellow photographers.
I know I’m a great photographer, but every time one of my fellow photographers does something I’ve done, I feel they did a better job than me. I should tell myself that it’s a good thing because I might have inspired them to do it. Or something simular. But that doesn’t stick in my brain. What sticks is; he/she does it better than you! And I let it haunt me.
I am a very confident person. Have no problem with speaking in public, or even showing my authenticity. It’s looking at my fellow photographers that knocks me down, and I do it all myself. Not them.
SharonPosted at 05:54h, 24 October
Scott – so brave of you to put this all out there, which I think is what it allows you to connect so well with others. We often think the same but are so fearful of sharing…..
My biggest fear is that I worry I allow negative thoughts to sabotage my own success – I’m currently on the job search and am doing all the right things, networking with my contacts to have them keep me in mind when something comes up, jumping on any opportunities the minute I see them, helping others and recommending people when I see a role that I know someone would be perfect for…I try and keep a positive mindset every day, do the work to move me forward and keep momentum, but I feel like I often lose the mental game, which can bring me back two steps….people see me as positive all the time, I don’t allow them to see when I get discouraged, but it happens and sometimes sets me back which I fear is blocking my own success.
JeremyPosted at 05:59h, 24 October
This is so incredibly awesome and you are such an inspirational and positive person who is up to such great things here at LYL. Thanks for being authentic. Thanks for putting this out in the world.
Similarly like your recent dinner guest’s I was so nervous to meet and talk to you when we met. But when I did get the guts to walk up and introduce myself I had the most wonderful conversation with you and your wife, and my wife and I left the party feeling so inspired and grateful to have spoke with guys. We actually left wishing we could get to know you better and spend time with the two awesome people we had just traded stories and had such a great time with.
Ferrell MarshallPosted at 06:04h, 24 October
It is 6:00am and I have yet to go to sleep! I am blessed to not have issues sleeping and yet my head and heart have been racing all night. So, I took advantage of this found time to catch up on reading a book, organizing the front closet and emails. Lucky for me, I read your email and enjoyed learning more about you. We have a lot in common! Although I have never been able to do a handstand and do not own any linen clothes as I do not like to be wrinkled. LOL!
Four years ago I made the biggest leap of my life by leaving a safe and comfortable career at a global firm to pursue my first loves of acting, voiceover and painting. I had a big title, big salary with a 401K, and thrived in a very structured work environment. However, I have always struggled with time management and am famous for being an “Eleventh Hour Wonder”. My genius kicks in the closer the deadline. Currently, I am struggling on my new path… the overwhelming rejection that comes with being an actor has left me doubting my talent and very stressed about money which we can all agree is the not the best mindset to seize the day. For the first time in my life, I am losing hope on what has been a life long dream. This scares me. Praying that the 11th hour magic kicks in soon!
RobinPosted at 09:01h, 24 October
Hang in there Ferrell, when everything looks really bleak…. that is the moment to be brave and keep going! good luck!
Dani DanePosted at 06:44h, 24 October
What a breath of fresh air! I loved reading all of your quirks! I’m able to be open like that on my blog, but in real life it’s a lot more difficult because I have to interact with people on a daily basis and don’t want to have someone not like me or not agree with what I’m saying. I’m working on it though. I’ve heard turning 30 helps with the not giving a shit what other people think thing. 🙂
So, for my thing…I struggle with being productive in all areas of my life. I’ve started putting processes in place, like not checking my personal email at work and not turning the tv on at home before I get my list of tasks done. It’s working pretty well so far, but it doesn’t feel natural yet, so I’m fighting with myself on a daily basis. I’ll get there eventually. I just keep reminding myself that all the things I want in my life won’t happen with me sitting on my butt watching NCIS. 🙂
Thanks again for the openness! Love your site!
PhilipPosted at 06:46h, 24 October
Great Story Scott,
Thanks for sharing.
I am dyslexic and am therefore apprehensive when I need to spell out a word when delivering a talk or when I need to write down a long and complicated word on a flip chart. For a long time I believed (just like you- above), that I’m a bad speller. Until I learnt a really easy “visual spelling strategy” on a NLP course I recently took. It’s incredibly easy and works for everyone who thinks that they’re a bad speller- You can learn it in 5 min and you’ll be able to spell very long words forward and backwards! Fascinating! Look it up (not sure if anything good online) and if you can’t find it and would like to know- let me know?
Harriet HillPosted at 07:02h, 24 October
I recently came across your website and it signed up for your blog, but I still had a hesitation about what place your advice came from, call it the Britishness in me. But having read your post I feel like the advice you give comes from your heart and soul, and more importantly I feel like we could go to the pub and have a laugh. Thanks for sharing, I also feel that only good things comes to those who put themselves out there.
As for a personal quirk, I’m a massive over achiever. Even though I also act laid back and say I hate competition, secretly I’m always wanting to be the best. I also have terrible spelling and it is my life’s ambition to do a hand stand!
Keep up the great work.
Scott DinsmorePosted at 11:04h, 24 October
Haha – well I can certainly relate Harri. A blessing and course indeed. And yes, I bet we’d have a blast over a pint. Hope to do it one day. I lived in London for a summer and miss the classic pint!
Welcome to the family 🙂
NelsonPosted at 07:14h, 24 October
Scott, thanks for sharing!
I have to say I was and still am scared of being vulnerable (of not knowing) because of I don’t know what!
But I have come to realize vulnerability it key in the learning and sharing process, it helps you connect (what you are doing)
S, I don’t show it as much but I am as or more vulnerable than most people and I think that I need to embrace that.
Also I can’t let projects unfinished, can’t help myself.
Best of all,
KenPosted at 08:17h, 24 October
Great post. I am also a friend of Lissa’s and she has inspired me greatly. Hope I get to meet you at WDS2014. I like to think that I live pretty authentically and let people see and hear the full story, and I’ve even written my own blog post like this in the past.
Having said that, here are two things for me:
1. MOST days, I don’t have a clue what I’m going to do next. Like Lissa, I have a passion to heal the health care system, by helping people learn to empower themselves. I write and talk about it a lot and have a big audacious dream of making our community (and others) the “World’s Healthiest Community”. I have a good idea of the big picture and have been heard to tell a pretty good story and sound like I have it all together. But I CAN RARELY GET OUT OF MY OWN WAY to figure out what to do next. I have a fear of “not doing it perfectly” and can’t quite get around to asking for money from people to help me fulfill my dream.
2. When I read posts from people, I find myself wanting to correct their spelling and grammar mistakes and send them a message (while this is true, I kinda added it for comic relief — and yes, there are a couple in your post — hope you see the humour in this, lol)
Angie TPosted at 09:12h, 24 October
I struggle with being enough.
At work, every day I wait for them to call me in and say, “I don’t know how you made it this far. We’re going to have to let you go.” Even after I’ve received praise or positive feedback.
I never played sports growing up and my husband used to tease me about my athletic ability. I’ve officially run 1 marathon and 4-5 half marathons and I still don’t label myself as a runner. And if someone complements me about it, I discount it by saying my time wasn’t that great. Btw, my second half was in San Fran(the Nike Women’s Marathon) and it was by far my favorite! Love the city!
I struggle with food and body issues too. I’ve worked hard on loving myself as is this year. Funny, I realized when we see pictures of ourselves 10 years ago(when we thought we were fat) and we looked great, that we are never 100% happy with the way we look. The important thing is are we healthy and are we trying to do better every day. If yes, then we’re on the right track.
Finally, I just want to say thanks. Thanks for inspriring, encouraging, and being authentic so it’s not so scary for the rest of us to do the same.
RobinPosted at 09:13h, 24 October
Dear Scott, I feel humbled by your honesty… I know it can’t have been easy to do. I also had severe stress when it came to doing presentations, I am getting better but to know you experience it also, is reassuring.
So I will be brave and tell you something no one knows.
1. I am terrified of dancing! I know some of you will laugh when you read this but it’s true! I am not sure when it started, at school discos I was a bad dancer but confident at dancing badly and enjoyed myself. I give the impression of being very cool and dancing is not my thing…. in reality my heart is racing and I have to remove myself from the situation. I find it difficult in letting go and just having fun. So there it’s out there!!!
2. I hold a grudge for far tooo long, I am not proud of this and it will eat away at me but it takes along time for me to forgive. I give the impression I don’t care… but I do!
3. I am a really bad procrastinator… the next few weeks will decide my life path.. but instead of putting in the hard work, I will watch TV..my behaviour disgusts me and I know I have the ability to succeed but it is as if I want to fail…but I DON’T.
So it’s out there… my heart is racing as I press submit.
ChrisPosted at 09:42h, 24 October
When I was 7 years old I struggled in school and had a hard time paying attention and my grades suffered because of it. After a bunch of testing, they placed me in a special education class with five or six other kids. I felt unintelligent, different and ashamed. I would always go into class late because I didn’t want the other kids to see me going into “that class”. Still after all these years, I still have sad feelings associated with those times.
paola bobadillaPosted at 10:01h, 24 October
I am 32 years old and left my nascent international development career to go back to grad school at 26 to go to Public Policy School at U.C. Berkeley. I wanted to learn about CSR but found the policy environment to be unfriendly towards that field of learning and to be honest, I found myself not caring for it much after scratching the surface. However, I feel I lost my way in between meeting my partner at the time and surviving school mode-I ended up settling for a job with The Congress’ think Tank-GAO–for 4 years and then taking a very similar job in DC with a temporary agency that does similar work for Afghanistan. I hate it–I feel as if I am wasting the most productive years of my life–I am looking for new jobs and have applied for some, but nothing is happening. My confession is: I feel as if I made a wrong turn leaving international development at age 26 and I am stuck in this line of work that doesn’t make me the best of who I am. I worry incessantly that the best of my life is behind me and that I am going to linger in mediocrity because of past decisions.
MatthiasPosted at 10:37h, 24 October
thank you so much for this post. I love it!
Here’s my confession: I still can’t do handstands. I haven’t even tried even though it is one of my goals I had set for this year. 🙂
CherylPosted at 11:15h, 24 October
I suffer from follow-thru-itis. I am great at brainstorming and starting a business but fail to continue to see it through to success. Not sure if I’m afraid of success or failure or both!
I’m not very patient either and think this is why I don’t follow through. Things don’t happen fast enough for me. I want results NOW!
LuciaPosted at 11:25h, 24 October
Thanks for the post, Scott. I was also happy to learn more about you and realize that it takes a huge act of courage to post in this way to the world about things that you have found challenging about yourself or your work.
I will do two things in return – do likewise and post something that I have found challenging in myself, and also post something positive.
A huge challenge for me is anger and lashing out at other people for things that are probably not even things that they did, but are situational. At any rate, doing so make me feel temporarily justified, but in the long run makes me feel really rather empty.
So as an antidote to that, I will strive to be the person who finds a positive way out. I am inspired by Scott’s post in particular, and also by this video. http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html
I hope that you all will also feel empowered to change your world view to identify that least positive thing in order to move forward.
Matthew GulloPosted at 11:42h, 24 October
I would have been nervous and scared to write that as well but it was damn inspiring. We have a lot of similarities menus the linen factor (no disrespect or judgement). You have actually inspired me to do a similar post on my site.
I beleive in being open and honest even when it is hard. The goal is to help others feel good and want to great things. Nowing that people that are succeeding have faults can bring people that follow you to life.
Great post! Great inspiration! Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing I am sure all your followers like and appreciate you even more.
Brooke BellPosted at 12:10h, 24 October
Thank you, Scott, for exposing your delicate underbelly in today’s post. Your vulnerability inspired me to comment (first timer) and I’m finally going to start that blog- obsession with perfection and over-preparation or no.
Since you like chickish flicks, and inspiration in funny places, check out St. Elmo’s Fire. There is a poignant scene in which Demi Moore’s character finally, tearfully, confesses her failings in a spectacular breakdown to her friend’s nonplussed reply: “uh, yeah…and?”
Ah, to be truly known and still accepted by the tribe. Thanks for reminding me that our vulnerability is what makes us truly loveable, relatable, receptive and connective. Thanks so much for sharing.
Hi, my name is Brooke Bell and I am a terrible speller. And late.
JennaPosted at 12:17h, 24 October
Scott This was exactly what I personally needed to hear from you. I’ve been subscribed for awhile now, and was just waiting until my move this weekend before taking your course and getting involved with LYL, then you sent a recent email that made me question your authenticity. Then this post corrected it.
I can see a pattern even in this short time I’ve read your posts, that you are following a method that works for others, which is fine. But then you take a deep breath and decide to do it your way. That’s exactly what I believe artists do. They get inspired, start to follow a path, then make it their own.
Good job. I created a new blog based on your prompt. As you’ll see it’s empty, but not for long. Thanks for being Scott and not a clone. You’ll be hearing more from me and getting my full support. Say hi to your mom and dad and congrats to them for a job well done (since you’re 2 yrs older than my son!)
Artemis (Greece)Posted at 14:01h, 24 October
Scott, thanks for sharing this – I appreciated the tough honesty so much, and was moved to see your wedding video.
Sometimes I think our old agendas or calendars should be required reading, to remind us of where we were a year, 2 years, 5 years ago!
Some of my toughest moments: realizing I will be graduating from college and have to find a job, with no idea what it should look like, and going on my first roller-coaster ride at 52(the longest 47 seconds of my life). Survived both!
As for age, since I’m in my fifth decade, I can only tell you it really does get better! (You panic again at 39, then it passes … after you pass out from anxiety!) Then it’s letting go after that – freedom!
The best is yet to come!
Mike MorrisonPosted at 14:02h, 24 October
I love reading these sorts of posts for the wonderful overlaps they reveal that otherwise would never have come out:
– The Notebook is a wonderful film. I know it’s almost perfectly engineered to be as over-the-top heart-wrenching as possible but I still watch it a few times a year, and it devastates me every time.
– I could go word for word with you on the Wicked soundtrack.
– I have an almost identical ‘firearm’ story from my youth too, arrest and all.
I have my own ’33 things’ post scheduled on my new blog tomorrow, inspired by Corbett’s original, and I’ve just realised I’ve not shared any of those above 3 things. Coming from the North-East of England, where men are men etc I’m not sure how prudent it would be for me to openly admit to weeping at The Notebook!
RYPosted at 14:10h, 24 October
Beautifully written, achingly familiar, and extremely inspiring! What courage it must have taken to share so much of the real you!
(I am really glad you can see how being late hurts others. I have a close friend who is always late, always underestimates how long a task will take, has even had to cancel because he became busy with something he started at the last minute. It always feels like he disrepsects me when he does it.)
As for me, I turned 50 this year. I have no particular talent or skill, no one thing I feel passion for. I’m afraid I’ll never find passion again. I’m finally getting past the childhood scars, but feel it has left me devoid of any other feelings. I am really impatient with bad-mannered people, and yet, when I’m angry, I have terrible manners myself.
I’m going to look at your tools though. Always looking for answers, maybe this is where I’ll find some!
Thank you again for sharing!
AnnePosted at 14:13h, 24 October
Scott, ever since I started following you through your blog, everything I have read was authentic, but this post is probably the most authentic ever. Thanks for being brave once more and doing what you believe in, no matter what others might think or say. You are an inspiration to so many, me included. Now here is what I will share in return: I am terrible at getting up in the morning! Every night I have the best intentions and I promise myself that I will get up in time and not be late for work, but guess what? Every morning I stay in bed after the alarm has rung, trying to not acknowledge the fact that the day has already started, and when I finally get up it is in a rush and I arrive late for work again… If I could change one single habit in my life, this would be the one that I would choose, but it seems to be impossible…
MeaPosted at 15:12h, 24 October
Wow – AWESOME post. Props to you for putting it all out there. I’m always inspired when I read your posts. Thanks for being you and always rocking :)!
As for me here goes:
1)I’m afraid of being past it, when I read your blog and that you turned 31 I’m totally freaking out cos I feel like I’m 34 and have done nothing with my life.
2)It’s really sad but I know I have to find new people to hang out with. The peaks in my life have been when I’m around people going all out – the energy, the vibe is unbeatable plus everyone is going for their goals with so much intensity that the wave carries you through. Now it seems we’re all just resigned to our fate.
3)I’ll get off the bus or change walking routes to avoid people I don’t like or am intimidated by or just don’t want to talk to – irrational I know and can totally double journey times :-\.
4)Thanks for introducing me to strenghtfinders, the alchemist and for featuring Leo Babauta on LYL – all three hv been really helpful in figuring out who I am and what I’m capable of.
Joe BarnesPosted at 15:22h, 24 October
Great bravery to post this Scott. Funny, I’m exactly the same on #1-always trying to cram more in and ending up being late.
So true about a veneer of bullshit surrounding entrepreneurs and business people. Always wanting to portray a ‘successful’ image but hiding the truth.
I actually think there’s more strength in your approach – let it all hang out. It’s clear by the comments that people appreciate the honesty.
CharlottePosted at 16:18h, 24 October
Wow, this is so refreshing to read coming from “someone like you”- which I now see is the public face. Thank you for being so honest.
I am a UK business owner, and chairman of a charity.
My honest facts:
The late thing! I am always sure I can fit in “one more thing”- it’s not because I don’t value or respect you!
I need other people’s validation.
I feel like I let people down every single day.
I haven’t spoken to my best friends for most of the year just due to time, and am frightened to pick up the phone.
I feel I could be the person I want to if only…..
JoePosted at 20:57h, 24 October
A bold move to be so honest. It really inspired me. I too am terrible at pretty much any sport involving a ball. I could really feel what it took for you to post all of this information so publicly, especially at the end when you say “I’ve no idea how you’ll respond to this.” It has really inspired me to be more open at work which is something I struggle with daily.
Chris AllenPosted at 21:49h, 24 October
I am a guy but I don’t like watching sports. In fact I don’t really like watching tv at all. I would much rather read or garden. Thanks for sharing your life with us. I agree that we should be who we really are.
MyriamPosted at 02:58h, 25 October
Well the difference between you and me is that you got your passion, your network and supporting relations.
I have everything to be happy and just want more as I feel to be leaving at 40 years old the life of my parents in their 70 years.
Life has been easy for me and no passion never really appealled me. Reading your post is like; lucky him he found is way…. where is mine…
See you later… and thanks for sharing that the journey is not always easy.
Laura RobbinsPosted at 07:25h, 25 October
Hello, I need some help on a new book that I am currently writing. I would love to known your opinion on what’s important to you when it comes to your personal success. I prepared one short survey with couple of questions waited to be answered. Because I do not want you to leave empty handed there is a bonus for participating in my survey. You’ll receive the book “A flicker of hope” plus 11 audios so you can listen to it anywhere. It is a COURSE book empowering your motivation that will help you get over the hump. In fact you will do to me a great favor and I will owe you a lot. Here is my survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/B6JGJSG looking forward to giving your self-help course.
AdamPosted at 08:13h, 25 October
That was a great post and thanks for sharing! One thing about me is that I oftentimes feel as if I am a fraud trying to get my business off the ground. However, I then interact with my audience and realize that perhaps I know more than I give myself credit for. This doesn’t last long and it wont be long before I start feeling like a fraud again.
The Scars I’d Rather Not Show You | Simple HeartPosted at 12:56h, 25 October
[…] Dinsmore and the online community of Live Your Legend (LYL) again. His post from yesterday, “Painful Authenticity: 35 Honest Personal Stories, Fears & Facts You Don’t Know About Me,” as well as the online discussion that followed, served as inspiration for this post. Scott is […]
Loran HillsPosted at 13:23h, 25 October
I already have a blog, but I wrote a blog post in response to your fear about getting old, so does that count?
#30 really inspired me. I hope you check out my answer to you.
Sometimes You Have to Dig | Prelude to AudacityPosted at 19:52h, 25 October
[…] Scott Dinsmore wrote a beautifully poignant and brutally honest piece this week in which he revealed 35 things […]
Colene EPosted at 20:52h, 25 October
I have never been to your site before today, and WOW!!! You honestly had me at RENT and WICKED! I have often dreamed of doing a one woman show of RENT where I sing all the song only because I LOVE them all so much! We could honestly be bffs! Thanks for showing such honest in your piece. I loved it!
KellyPosted at 21:54h, 25 October
I am deeply afraid that I will not find an intimate, affectionate and supportive life partner. I crave this so much. It’s like being parched and needing water. I did not have a model of healthy, balanced relationships growing up.. my parents are together but mostly out of a feeling of dogged duty and dependence, not joy and they do not communicate their problems until they become so big that they explode. With them, there are a lot of emotional landmines and I generally tiptoe around, trying as best I can to sidestep them. As a result, I have not developed skills at setting boundaries, being assertive and deliberately crafting relationships that serve my needs. I have a keen sense for the onset of emotional turmoil and I do everything I can smooth the waters. And when I can’t do that I’m good at running away from myself and my problems. I “ran away” and lived and worked in Africa alone for 7 years but I quit my job and now I’m back in the U.S. because I stopped growing there and felt I was becoming too distant from family.
I am a really empathetic listener and I have a good support network of trusted girlfriends. I am strong, I have grit, I have proven that I can go it alone but that’s not my idea of a quality life. I want so badly to share the experiences in my life with a man who complements me but I haven’t had a relationship that has been heading in any meaningful direction for a long time. I don’t feel like I have the skills to successfully navigate this territory. I am 37 and I’ve been thinking since age 29 that maybe this will be the year this part of my life will come together. I’d like to be married one day and have a child of my own. I’m terribly afraid that this won’t happen. And now that I’m back I’m hitting up against the old family tensions again.. they didn’t go away, the distance just made them less apparent. I feel like running again but it occurs to me that maybe this time I need to engage more though it may get really ugly for a while. It also occurs to me that maybe this is how you grow.
Miguel Lyons-CavazosPosted at 23:34h, 25 October
It’s interesting that you wrote about this topic this particular week. I was beginning to wonder if my new blog (inspired by LYL back in Aug.) was full of too much ‘fab Miguel’ stories vs. ‘real Miguel’ stories. It’s an interesting idea–you want to share, but how much is too much (i.e. do you really need to know about the girl that dumped by telling me “I don’t want to have two boyfriends”? 😉
So then…which one to talk about? (There are so many failings to choose from.) How’s this: I sometimes come across as aloof and arrogant because I vacillate between being way too over-confident and way too under-confident. As a musician, this is best expressed in what I think of my playing. At times I think I’m amazing; other times I think I can’t play my way out of a wet paper bag and would be fired by the garage band of 13 year olds down the street.
As I’ve gotten older, this has been tempered by my knowledge that neither one of those points of view are right–I live somewhere in between those extreme points. There are things I do well, and things I don’t do so well, and these all define my personality. (I covered this a bit in my blog in the “Jazz guilt” post http://blog.joyousracket.com/2013/09/17/coming-to-terms-with-jazz-guilt/)
So, there you go. Typing this, I realize how hard I can be to live with–imagine living with someone who is at times supremely over-confident? Yipes!
Gotta go–gotta find my wife and thank her for putting up with this…
NickiPosted at 04:14h, 26 October
Just like Miguel, I waver between feeling superior to some people and totally insecure around others, depending on who they are (or who I judge them to be). I don’t have many friends, even though I crave them, I am not often prepared to put the effort in. I have a very happy marriage so lazily rely on that. People make fabulous friendships all around me but I never seem to be included. I have always felt that I don’t fit in since childhood. I think my desperation to be a successful entrepreneur may be just an attempt to fit in with at least this group in society!
Wow, that was quite therapeutic. Love your stuff Scott, it really is changing the world.
SharronPosted at 05:40h, 26 October
Thanks so much for sharing! Even though I’ve been a mindfulness practitioner for over 20 years, I still have days where I check my e-mail, Facebook blog stats way too many times to count, and have days where I lose my temper with my kids more than I care to admit. Here’s to being real 🙂
Mike KawulaPosted at 05:53h, 26 October
Can so relate the the spelling. My wife handles that part of my childrens homework….
Personal: I’m a builder, but a deflator. I love to build but once my passion is gone…. Having built 2 7 figure businesses over the last 7 years and deflating them, for the first time ever I’m being more hesitant (sp) on my next path I head down. Good, Bad…not sure as only time will tell.
LexPosted at 09:07h, 26 October
I’m always touched by the power “permission” gives to people. When I’m running a seminar, even giving people “permission” to change the air conditioning can make such a difference. Mind you, I’m in the UK, and we are very polite!
My favourite permission is to allow people in my life to be just who they are… that’s why your blog resonated with me. My favourite compliment from friends and clients is, “I can be myself with you.” Not much better in life than that! That’s authenticity.
ScottPosted at 11:20h, 26 October
Thank you Scott that was great! I think you struck a great balance between being honest and vulnerable without reveling too much,(you know, share, don’t scare).
I share many of those same shortfalls; ballsports, spelling, being on time and if I ever have the opportunity to give a tedtalks I hope I will come across a smooth as you did. I also would likely prepare obsessively and hope I wouldn’t completely blank.
I find it slightly embarrassing to follow your blog as I am much older than you, (50) and there for have nearly 20 years of life experience on you. That being said, I really enjoy your infectious enthusiasm and you often say things that I have always agreed with (but haven’t always lived) but in my generation was largely unacceptable.
There are many things I am good at and I would be willing to help you with those that you’re not. As far as your music taste goes, you may be beyond help, but I could send you lists of songs and artists you should know in order to be musically informed :). There is one thing on your list I am something of an expert at. You said your wife helps you with balance and that is a very good thing because you share a life together. In addition to having a great woman in your life I would recommend the sport of slackline. Not the new style, tight “trickline” that kids these days do but oldschool slack-line. I was one of the first slackliners and was the first to walk a slackline up high, (30 years ago now! 1983). Slackline differs from tightrope mostly in the material used to walk. The calming, centering and meditative benefits of focusing on balance in your body and learning to walk a thin nylon line are off the charts. I would love to get you on a line and show you how much this simple exercise can transform your relationship with balance and focus. This can carry into all aspects of your life including stress management.
So Scott this is an open invitation, I hope you take me up on, for a free slackline (and balance and focus) lesson. I live half way between SF and Portland, if you find yourself making that long drive and need a break or we could even meet up down in the Bay sometime, let me know.
“Walk the Line,
the Art of Balance and the Craft of Slackline”
slvPosted at 12:20h, 26 October
I’m with you.
SharonPosted at 15:09h, 26 October
I recently saw your TED talk and was inspired by your energy and enthusiasm. A wise teacher once told me that was is most personal is universal. I can recognise myself in a lot of your admissions:). I would like to add about myself that I am constantly afraid to have dinner parties as I sure the food will be awful. I have started following your wife’s blog so that won’t happen. Will keep you posted.
SharonPosted at 15:12h, 26 October
Oops meant “what is most personal is most Universal” other admission cannot type a sentence without leaving out words very embarrassing 🙂
ShaunPosted at 16:08h, 26 October
Great post Scott, I think it’s absolutely vital to be genuine. This post is inspiring at a time when I’m trying to work on being more genuine myself.
I have a very hard time being myself around other people because I’m too concerned with what they think of me. I feel like no one in my life really knows who I am, and I have a difficult time creating the relationships that I want to have. I even have a hard time being honest with myself when I’m alone because I’m afraid of just being me. I find it more comforting to lie to myself and try to act like the person that I want to be, rather than taking the time to try to genuinely become that person. But it’s my number one goal in life right now to be more honest with myself and to be more open with others because I’ve come to the realization that happiness and success are not possible any other way. Luckily, I’m only 21, so I have most of my life ahead of me to get it right
MatthiasPosted at 17:56h, 26 October
thanks for sharing all this!
You are absolutely right about that being 100% yourself is the only way to connect with people. I think by not doing it, we all pressure each other into trying to be who we don’t want to be and can’t be, and doing things we don’t want to do. It’s almost like an arms race, and equally destructive.
So while at first, a post like yours that just puts it all out there may make some readers wonder why the hell you did this, it makes perfect sense.
Be assured, every single person around you, even those who contribute most to your personally perceived pressure from their facades, only cook with water, they all have their problems and demons to deal with, and they all do the same thing when on the toilet.
I myself am struggling with a lot of things just like you and everybody else, including the never ending worry whether I should have stayed in my engineering cubicle instead of building a business which either will be a super fun success story in an entirely blue market, or a massive failure because I will find out that it’s not a blue market, but instead a market that doesn’t exist. Anxiety much? You bet.
Ageing is another one, I don’t think anyone is exempt from that. Interestingly, pretty much the only thing you can do about ageing anxiety is to make sure that you make the most out of every day you have, because you literally don’t know if you will see tomorrow, regardless how young and healthy you may be.
Scary, yes, but it has pushed me to give up that engineering career and follow my dream – even though I’m scared out of my mind while doing it.
The trick is not to avoid having dragons in your life. The trick is to learn to ride them. It’s a rough ride, but it’s a damn fast mode of transport, and will get you to some amazing places you would never ever have been able to reach any other way.
To be clear: I’m not a master dragon rider, far from it. On many days, I’m also not nearly as calm and collected as I wish I was.
But I’m learning a little bit more every day, and I stay on a little longer every time I climb up that scaly side of my wild pet again and hop on.
I absolutely love what you are doing, Scott, you have no idea how much encouragement and support you are giving me and endless others.
Don’t listen to the naysayers, don’t get frustrated when you’ve been shaken off by your dragon again, and don’t wait until you’re not scared anymore, because that can take a very long time. Instead, take your heart firmly in your hand, and get on again, scared or not.
I fully and wholeheartedly agree with John Wayne that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather “being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.”
Let the heart pound, Scott, keep doing what you are doing, and enjoy the ride.
Big fat thanks from New Zealand
DebashishPosted at 21:54h, 26 October
I love this post. It is almost like baring your soul. That does take guts.
One less known fact about me is that I love reading fantasy fiction (Harry Potter included). In fact, the fatter the books and more of them in the series, the more I love reading them. I even read whole series of books multiple times. I love getting lost in the world of duels, battles, magic, and grandiose.
AnniePosted at 23:15h, 26 October
I will add my thanks to the hundreds of others. In your case, you are publicly bold, we can still sort of still hide behind some anonymity, but here goes: (I share a few traits with you):
-I’m late most everywhere and also think I can get more done than is possible in a given time period,
-I’m constantly putting myself down to myself and others for not living up to my own (unrealistic) expectations,
-I don’t trust my sexuality, maybe one of the reasons I’m not married, this can be very confusing,
-I had a daughter with an anonymous sperm donor and nursed her for 6 or 7 yrs. In fact, I still have breast milk and she’s now 8.5. I’m sure most folks would think this is crazy and twisted,
-I am frequently living in overwhelm and with a sense of urgency, probably terrible for my health,
-I too know TONS about eating healthfully, do cleanses often, but continually binge on sugar-this can get me really down,
– I’m not doing some of the things I committed to do, like approaching donors for a volunteer board I sit on, why the extreme resistance?? Geez, I do fundraising for a living! What is up with that?
– I pretty much know I’m not this body/mind, but I’m still freaked out by the idea of not existing after death.
Phew. That’s it for now.
Love to you and Chelsea and call me when you decide to have kids so I can share the amazing experience of home birthing with you both.
Annie, In the CWA course right now and not through module four yet!
Success stories too simplePosted at 03:55h, 27 October
[…] from Scott Dinsmore, the person in charge of Live Your Legend. And it started with his article The 35 Secrets I Wish You Didn’t Know About Me. And don’t get me wrong, I’m quite sure the article is very honest and a very well […]
GuusPosted at 03:58h, 27 October
I have the feeling your story is too much written from being successful already. Next week I don’t know where to get the money to even buy food. So I think my secrets and issues are much different from yours.
And no, don’t get me wrong. I believe your statements are honest. But to me they feel like bullshit from someone who is already successful.
Gregory Berge from CWA2Posted at 07:23h, 27 October
Scott, Come on!
It’s not with writing post like this that the number of received email in your inbox is gonna decrease!
Try writing something stupid once in a while, kay? 😉
I can relate to the anxiety you feel and the hours spent on gmail.
Lately, the best week I had was late august.
I was meditating twice a day.
I was doing much much much much less computer work.
And I read “The Tao of Pooh”. I don’t know if you’ve read it but I loved it. It has a way to talk about happiness that I am sure the 13 year old teenage girl inside of you would love.
What you do rocks man. Chill out 🙂
If you want I can hold you accountable to check how many hours you chill in a day? 😉
All the best
RebeccaPosted at 10:05h, 27 October
Scott, thank you so much for being so open and honest. I know it wasn’t easy, but I totally agree that being completely and openly yourself is one of the best (and hardest!) things you can do.
I want to let you know that your honesty here has only makes me respect you more. Your posts and insights have inspired me to start my own blog (something I’ve been putting off for far too long) and take some hard looks at my own life and the work that I do. Thank you for that.
Something vulnerable from me…I have more flaws than I can count, but one of the largest things I struggle with is being unable to let go of the past. I still get angry with myself for things I did years and years ago. I’m working at not doing that, but it’s a hard thing to change!
Thanks again for your honesty and all your hard work!
VickiPosted at 13:07h, 27 October
Great post!I’d have commented sooner but I’ve been busy re-examining my own fears. Thanks to you, I pinpointed one I knew was there but couldn’t quite put it into words.
What I discovered was a fear of success but with a twist I didn’t expect. I’ve had many jobs over the years and I always start out enthusiastic, loving what I do. But within 2 years I’m miserable.
That’s why I decided to start my own business. I’ve come to believe that the reason I kept losing my passion was because I was always meant to be on my own. And that’s where the fear of success comes in. What if, once I’m successful, I lose my passion again? Where could I possibly go from there? The thought of that terrifies me because I can’t imagine any job that would motivate me to get out of bed at that point.
I’m trying to get around that by telling myself that if that happens I’ll just start a new business and I’ll deal with that if or when it happens.
What’s totally awesome about this discovery is that acknowledging and confronting this fear has opened the writing flood gates! I took on your blog challenges and had been struggling until I read this post. Now I can’t type fast enough!
Thanks for the inspiration and for being you. You ROCK!
Nerdy CreatorPosted at 23:50h, 27 October
I do a few of the things in your list too, but there’s really nothing wrong with them. Sometimes, we assumed that we may get ashamed when we share our secrets, it turns out that people are ok with it. We over-assumed sometimes!
Your list which I can relate to:
#2: I love “chick flicks”
I never thought of them as “chick flicks”. lol. I just love watching romance films, especially romantic comedy more than action films. Who defines what chicks watch and what dudes watch anyway? haha…
#3: I’m terrible at pretty much every sport involving a ball
For me, it’s every sport. haha… with or without a ball.
# 7: I am a terrible speller. Like awful.
Thank god for spell check!
#9: I can’t stand seeing people waste their potential.
It’s great. That’s why you are doing what you are doing.
#10: I can be really stubborn.
I used to be a stubborn bull too!
#22: I can sing every word to the musicals RENT and Wicked.
I can’t but I love “Wicked”! Especially love the song “defying gravity” and “popular”. Have not seen “Rent” yet though.
#31: I’m kinda terrified of public speaking – at least the building up to it. And a lot of things make me nervous.
I’ve never done public speaking before. This is the one thing that I want to challenge myself the most.
#35: I don’t know what I’m doing a lot of the time.
Don’t we all? We are born to love and learn. Life would be boring if we know everything.
And I would like to add failing is good! When you fail more, you learn more and you grow more!
Everyone starts at a small place. That makes growing beautiful. You are doing something great and meaningful here. Be an inspiration to your readers and clients. If you looks small in front of your inspiring friends, then what makes people who just start out like me look like? haha… Don’t we look even smaller?
So see your friends as inspirations and be an inspiration to others at the same time!
Yong Kang (aka Nerdy Creator)
VincentasPosted at 09:13h, 28 October
Are you kidding?All these things are human-like.They’re probably not nearly as bad as you make them out to be.And I can see that you are quite a unique guy,compared to others.That’s great,really,a good example.Charming.I share the “I’m extreme with things and sometimes get hurt” disability or whatever you wanna call it.Only one question:why did you do that running with bulls?I mean,they’re real bulls,right?You could have been killed!
I mean,taking risks is important and vital sometimes,but the adrenaline rush of running from a real bull at the risk of being killed is just not worth it.Why did you do it?
Andrew BradyPosted at 16:35h, 28 October
Great post, Scott. Many of these I could probably just copy and paste onto my own list. I’m also always late and for the same reason that I’m trying to cram 30 hours worth of stuff into a 24 hour day. Interestingly, I’ve also had the internal dialogue trying to justify my tardiness by saying I’m “optimistic about how much I can get done.” I also have a fear of getting old and never getting out of my parents shadow. But above all, I am totally with you on being extreme. All or nothing in everything I do. And it’s also been a concern of family, friends and girlfriends. Thanks for sharing!
JoshPosted at 17:37h, 28 October
This could be one of the most entertaining posts I have read in a while! I too used to have the tastes of a 13-year-old in music but to paraphrase “that too did pass”. I love musicals and was even in a couple, including West Side Story, I was Pepe 🙂 and even though I’m Brasilian, soccer and any other ball sport is pretty much a no go. I’m playing volleyball too and I might have some hope 😛 And I’m not making this stuff up..we just have them in common. But great post and loved reading the honest, embarassing truth.
JuliePosted at 19:10h, 28 October
THANK YOU! I LOVED this post – it was PERFECT timing, SO encouraging and yes, may’ve just made me tear up sloightly…..but that’s all speculative 🙂 I freaking LOVE that you LOVE musicals! ME TOO! In fact, a related fact about me regarding musicals…I love acting, have done local theatre work and every stinking time I’m about to go on stage for my first appearance, I feel like I’m either going to throw up or…… worse…..*blush*
One more fact – I am so scared of creating a crap blog that every darn time I’ve sat down just to get thoughts on paper, I generally end up baking, doing laundry or cleaning up after my two little people *facepalm*
So again, THANK YOU for your honesty….I am now going to go focus, write….and eat a biccy or two that I may, or may not have, just baked 😀
ChristinePosted at 10:44h, 29 October
you hit the nail on the head! Every mentor I’ve ever had has been excruciatingly honest with me about their worst moments! I stopped reading all the comments because there are just SO many…but the main thing is everyone is thankful! And I am too.
I’ve recently taken my life coaching business full time and was told left and right I made a terrible choice (by elders). Let’s face it, who would listen to a young 28 year old? The truth is a lot of people do, just like they listen to you at age 32. And even though you aren’t perfect (and neither am I), that authenticity and courage is really what people are drawn to.
Bravo, Scott! I look forward to seeing you succeed further!
ChrisPosted at 13:51h, 29 October
Funny thing Scott. My blog is called Read and Get Rich, and even though it may be difficult in the beginning when it comes to traffic, I know that if I’m authentic and persistent and if through my blog I’ll help people, it really doesnt matter the name.
It’s the person behind it that matters.
It got me thinking a bit, but I will not give up!!!
Leadership - An Entrepreneur Showdown Style DebatePosted at 05:48h, 30 October
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Whole Lotta Love: Roth, HONY, and GoatsPosted at 06:32h, 30 October
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I LOVE LOVE LOVE what you write..its very real vs. preachy.
You make my day whenever you write.
In my VISION BOARD, I have your pic that I will meet you someday.
I love men who are sensitive and caring.
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I love containers – esp. beautifully crafted. I will think of a reason to buy it 🙂
I dislike cookie cutter things… I find common gifts/designs/products boring. I’m always looking for something unique/different.
I find BEAUTY IN ODDITY…
Floor One | Daft DraftPosted at 08:01h, 31 October
[…] getting ‘you’ out in a blog post sounds like a similar struggle: getting ‘you’ out in an essay. In other words, finding […]
PhilPosted at 03:38h, 02 November
Here’s my honest response – I think Scott filtered his list and only chose mostly superficial and harmless stuff. I don’t blame him but I didn’t see anything on the list I wouldn’t freely share myself!
I’ll bet he’s done much more embarrassing stuff! E.g. at a lower point in my life I once beat myself black and blue with an iron bar to get the attention of my girlfriend (of the time). I do have internet anonymity to help me though!
I see you’ve read “radical honesty” – great book!
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Did you ever practice anything more than jiu jitzu? 6 years? I bet you’re very good.
I like this sort of posts. It brings out the human aspect of us. I hope to get as big as you so I can make one of these myself.
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KimPosted at 16:11h, 04 November
I was surprised at how many of those things are things that I also struggle with (not the handstand part– the stress and time management and not knowing what I’m doing and feeling rushed and… parts). Seriously, I was starting to wonder if I have ADD. Its good to know that I may actually be okay– I just have a few “issues” to work on. 🙂
ScottPosted at 19:23h, 08 November
You are certainly not alone Kim!
Justin LamontPosted at 10:10h, 10 November
Thanks again, Scott, for another potentially life-changing email!
Something I’d rather absolutely nobody knows about me:
I gave up on life at the age of 12. I made a declaration to my concept of God at the time that I would not kill myself, but that he’d damn well better show me why I didn’t.
The good news is that He took me up on it and my eyes are finally opening. The “other” news is that it’s taken a full 38 more years. I don’t say bad news because 1) I’m so grateful for having lasted to reach 50, even if most of it was under a teflon facade of bullsh*t; and 2) I’ve been given a wonderful (and wonderfully terrifying) opportunity to start over and am surrounded by people like Scott to motivate and inspire me.
My dream is to create some form of expression to support everyone over (insert the age when you think it’s too late) in realizing that it truly is never too late!
Thanks again, Scott!
4 Ridiculously Awesome Examples of How to Make Shit HappenPosted at 11:36h, 14 November
[…] This post is the kind of unabashed authenticity that makes you want more Scott in your life. […]
FelixPosted at 13:58h, 14 November
I sometimes think that I am better than some people around me, and the average human. I think it has something to do with me being very productive and always having something going on, writing, braiding, exercising etcetera. It may also be because of the fact that I have much of my life goals all set out in front of me.
I try to always raise other people, when I raise myself, but it is not always possible.
Anyway, thank you Scott for sharing this. It has given me something to think about and maybe I’ll do the same kind of sharing on my own blog.
FelixPosted at 14:02h, 14 November
I sometimes think that I am better than some people around me, and the average human. I think it has something to do with me being very productive and always having something going on, writing, braiding, exercising etcetera. It may also be because of the fact that I have much of my life goals all set out in front of me.
I try to always raise other people, when I raise myself, but it is not always possible.
Anyway, thank you Scott for sharing this. It has given me something to think about and maybe I’ll do the same kind of sharing on my own blog.
Lexy DemingPosted at 17:55h, 14 November
I really appreciate you putting all of that out there. I have quite a few things in common with you. I’m very extreme with life and I struggle with it on a daily basis. For class, I either do all the work, read the whole chapter and study ahead of time or I do the bare bones minimum. Same with my diet, I eat a plant-based diet but then I go on these sugar spells like crazy. Seeing someone else have a similar characteristic and achieve a high level of success is inspirational. I just printed off all of the resources that we receive when signing up to be part of Live your Legend yesterday and I “plan” on getting to them this weekend, but I know I will after reading this. This post was a great reminder to live as your own person and accept who you are, even utilize your uniqueness to create the life you want.
Thanks <3 I look forward to reading more of your posts!
ManishankarPosted at 12:21h, 19 November
I read your blog and its amazing. I have 2 most dreadful fears of my life:
1. I will not get the love of my life. All my friends have girlfriends and I feel what is so wrong with me that I can’t get a life partner.BTW I am still single and 26 yrs old.
2. My life will get wasted in my current job because I feel I am not made for this Information technology industry. First I did my graduation in Computer Science and now instead of doing some technical innovation in that field I am making websites.
New and Old Interests: November Best of the WebPosted at 06:16h, 22 November
[…] Painful Authenticity: 35 Honest Personal Stories, Fears & Facts You Don’t About Me (Live Your Legend) […]
Alex TurnerPosted at 03:43h, 26 November
It’s all good. Can’t be bothered reading all the comments. Got lots of other stuff I’d rather do and I’ll only start judging and making comparisons. Kudos to all who have opened up though.
It is though a worthwhile exercise to stretch the authenticity muscles. Here’s my warm up for the day:
I was fairly certain I was a crazy throughout my childhood and adolescence. So much so I trained to be a mental health nurse in the hope that I’d learn how to stave off the inevitable! Nothing altruistic about that “vocational” calling.
Here’s another. I’ve long been a champion of the underdog. Some years ago I realised this was to keep me from being at the bottom of the heap myself! The trait originated from a time when I was bullied and became an outsider at a new school I joined.
Both decisions I made as a child / young person to fix something that was wrong. Still influencing my actions today when I’m in default mode. Happily the off switch to my autopilot is now within comfortable reach.
Cheers to all. Keep on keepin’ on!
ReneePosted at 19:42h, 01 December
Thanks, Scott, for opening up and providing a space for others to do the same.
Since graduating from college (over 10 years ago), I have had 15 jobs, 2 of which I was fired from. Needless to say, I am seriously lacking in career direction and focus and I fear that I will not find the right path for me.
christyPosted at 22:52h, 01 January
Telling someone your fears isn’t easy..and I have two small ones that I waant to tell my bf but I’m not sure if he will think I’m strange or psycho… –_–
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I love your site and just found it through signing up for the Fizzle.co business course (which is also amazing). But I must say I cracked up reading your list of honest “bad boy” painful facts. You are so damn wholesome you honestly do not have any bad traits that I can see. I could do better at revealing painful failures, bad choices and character defects, horrible background to get over etc, with both hands and both feet tied behind my back!!!!
Honestly reading this article about how we should reveil and be vulnerable and seeing how tame and virtuous and wholesome you come off it made me less inclined to reavela my true self. If what you are revealing shocks people I better just keep it all in the closet!
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Zoe, potentially this list reflects a man today who is wholesome after years of self reflection and personal development.
For me personally, today’s list wouldn’t shock too many on my side;
I like weed
have a pornography and sex addiction that I’m winning
I feel my constant efforts at self improvement can disconnect me from my friends
I don’t like how I look at times
And there’s more, none really shocking. However, ahead of the self development…..I have tried heroine, partook in orgies, hurt loved ones immensely, been involved in very shady events and more……your story is your story, as it is now. And any turning away from it will leave you rejecting yourself and keep you away from a life more desired.
“Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future” Oscar Wilde
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Matthew SchwartzPosted at 00:09h, 21 November
Scott, I love your site, and what you’re doing. I am thankful I found LYL and am going to use it as part of “the process” I am going through. This article was enjoyable..hey, guess what? You’re human! Thanks for sharing. Check out this quote:
“The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you’re walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That’s the moment you may be starting to get it right.” – Neil Gaiman
Serendipity 101: How I Create Luck (Take This ONE Golden Step) by Scott Dinsmore - Make The World Move | Make The World MovePosted at 04:03h, 21 November
[…] his chest or offer a facade to the world. Instead, be someone who decides to refresh the world by being unapologetically and vulnerably you. Because when you’re you, you give the people you’re with permission to be them. That’s often […]
CatPosted at 08:05h, 21 November
Your honesty is refreshing. I’m just pondering now how awesome it would be to have a world where we can show up as ourselves.
I have also been late quite often in my life. It wasn’t until I lost a friendship in my 20’s in Calgary (Sandra) because of it, that I finally clued in. Even if I don’t intend any harm and I’m operating from the best intentions, I can cause a lot of stress in other people’s lives by not adhering to the agreed-to schedule.
I love intensely but unfortunately I also hold on to grudges way too long. If I feel something was ethically wrong, I have an especially hard time moving on. The thing is I don’t always live up to my own standards! This causes me tons of guilt. I’m still trying to move beyond the WASP training from my childhood and to become more enlightened and accepting of others and their actions.
I’ll leave it at that. Love your blog.
Musings on the Fear of Getting Old | Loran's HeartPosted at 12:39h, 21 November
[…] October 23, 2013, Scott Dinsmore from Live Your Legend, wrote a post on Painful Authenticity. He listed 35 stories, fears and facts about […]
Jeremy NgPosted at 13:58h, 21 November
#9 and #10 really resonates. It’s so me..
JaiPosted at 20:20h, 21 November
🙂 Thank you for being so open and honest. I love that you randomly do handstands in the middle of the street and that you don’t let maybe not having as much rhythm (took me like 5 tries to spell that) stop you from dancing. And if you ever want to have a RENT sing-along, you know where to find me. *breaks into seasons of love*
KatiePosted at 11:33h, 24 November
Numbers 30, 32 and 33 are all me. I love reading these stories and things because really, we aren’t alone, we are all part of an amazing community.
Kristal BurtrumPosted at 01:39h, 25 November
Hey Scott, thanks for the refreshing post! I’m so happy I started taking your blog seriously recently after years of lurking at the fringes. My confession: I feel like I will never accomplish all the things I want to in life, and I’m terrible at prioritizing, which leaves me feeling like a chicken with its head cut off sometimes. But I’m working on all of it…
Amanda FrenchPosted at 22:47h, 25 November
Thanks for sharing Scott. I have two things to share. 1. I love to sing and usually it’s daggy 80’s songs. I can carry a tune but am by no means fabulous. However this does not stop me from singing in the car, at work, in the supermarket and so on. It can be quite embarrassing for loved ones, especially my nieces and nephews who are now getting to the age where it is not cool to have a singing Auntie. 2. I am clairvoyant and see spirit. The older I get the stronger it gets. I used to hide it because people immediately put you in the weirdo category but in the last few years I have embraced it and it has certainly made my life easier. A few friends have dropped off but my real friends have embraced my “skills” with abandon. The good thing about it is that I can see shifts in people’s energy when they lie so I am very rarely deceived anymore.
Phew!! Feels good to get that off my chest!!
Ray anaonPosted at 06:55h, 26 November
Excellent post, dude. Keep going!!!
Madison GreyPosted at 08:29h, 26 November
Scott, you are awesome! I love that you had the
courage to be yourself and put it out there in the pursuit of authenticity and
also to help others realize that we all fall under the same condition…the human
one. Thank you. I have a very bad habit of thinking that either people are
better (smarter, more creative, etc) than me or vice versa (by far, it’s mostly
the first one). I know how limiting this is, and ultimately illogical, but it’s
difficult to change…especially amongst the many other items on my list I need
to do for myself. I have to say, you were afraid of #33, but it was actually
one of the most helpful ones for me. We see rock stars out there, like you, and
think it’s unattainable but really it’s just showing up and dealing with those
things that come up and learning how to manage them, instead of just being discouraged
by them. And you’re doing that. Thx.
KileyPosted at 22:28h, 27 November
Thank you, Scott, for sharing – and “keeping it real.” It’s invigorating to read this. So much of what you shared connected for me. Feeling the pressure to stay on top of everything, always being behind on emails, being super optimistic about all you can achieve in a day, being uplifted and finding much joy through loved ones, thinking about food all the time (love food and eating healthy but it’s easier said then done!), using meditation daily!! For me, and as I can imagine for you, reflecting on who we are and our vulnerabilities/ areas we need to work on is very difficult. I so appreciate you sharing so openly. I was energized reading all of this – and even given the motivation to write something like this to a loved one, sharing and reflecting for myself but also to open up more to them about who I am… And as a young person in my 20s, still figuring out next steps in my life after I finish graduate school in May, this type of honest reflection is particularly valuable as I will be making some critical decisions where honestly thinking about how I operate and what I value is critical. Indeed a life long and continuing process though… Again, thank you. Keep doing what you are doing! The world needs people like you who inspire us all to be more alive!
Samuel RoddaPosted at 08:09h, 28 November
Thank you Scott for being so open and sharing this awesomely personal info with us. . . In response to your email request and suggestion to post something equally personal here – I’ll try my best but with limited time I’ll keep it to a couple of things and not 35 of them.
#1 I listen to soundtracks constantly. While I love any good piece of music, I get completely obsessed with an awesome soundtrack score, listening to them over and over again. According to iTunes I’ve listened to Evenstar (feat. Isabel Bayrakdarian) by Howard Shore 4834 times in the last 4 years.
#2 I get high of being in control. I don’t need to be centre of attention but give me a lead role in anything and it’ll make me happy.
#3 I’m a perfectionist feel i need to get everything exactly right the very first time. This means i get angry at myself quite a lot – not healthy I tell you. Don’t recommened it. 😉
#4 I’ll always look to find the things that make a person special / unique. It excites me when I see a person living out their special qualities through “work” and daily life. I passionately believe everyone has something special to offer the world.
Ross LinfootPosted at 12:05h, 28 November
I have been on and off following you progress over the past few years (don’t worry , not a stalker 🙂 ), and I constantly get inspired when I come to your web pages (Much better now and easier to navigate and load), or get emails (gentle reminders). Even though this post has been here for over a year, I had never seen it before, Just love seeing your wedding video snippets (I had seen your break dancing before – Excellent !!! ) , So positive in everything you do, and definitely genuine in your character.
I do start on a positive role, but does not last long before I fall back to my old lifestyle, I like to run, start doing it for a few months, then some excuse happens , and slowly I fall back on my old laziness again. I seem to be searching for that ever elusive magic combination of things , which I am hoping will be the key to me getting out of this rutt which I find so comfortable with (not really) .I keep thinking , I just wish I could find out what my niche is , Will be looking through some additional info from the Make your First 1K project. I feel I talk the talk and don’t walk the walk , so I need to make sure I take that step and then the next instead of putting it off all the time.
StefaniePosted at 19:45h, 29 November
Are all these facts painful to you? You blended them with lots of very amiable facts, willingly or unwillingly. But I feel like this is really you. Thank you a lot for sharing! Actually, being who you are is the only way, living life seems worthwhile to me.
Sadly, that doesn’t mean I have the guts to be authentic all the time. I more often am not, because I am afraid of not being accepted or liked. And I am afraid of getting to know that person on the other side of the mirror. That would be my confession for now.
A great exercise is coming together with other people, who actually want to discover what happens when all beliefs and norms are set aside – it ideally creates a room without judgement. There might be stuff coming up, that shatters your view on who you are. It is horrifying and liberating. I wish everyone to have experiences like this.
SophiePosted at 03:01h, 30 November
Thank you so much Scott for this awesome honesty and sharing all these small secrets of your personality…While reading I had the feeling if I was looking into the mirror…but I’m still not brave enough to reveal and share myself in public….but after reading your thoughts I might try it …Thank you 🙂
Ginger BPosted at 10:38h, 30 November
I always thought I would be a great holistic life coach but who would trust me with helping them figure out their lives when I am someone who can be late more often than I want to (guess this is common for most of us), my sense of organization is different than most let’s just say each “pile” has a name and I know what and where things are most of the time.
After reading your post and seeing that we are all human and have things we all need to work on is our connections. There is always room for evolution. Thank you Scott for sharing your reality with us, and affirming that our realities are not that much different. How we decide to act and react makes the difference in our triumphs and success.
serenaPosted at 20:19h, 30 November
I have learned the hard way that you have to pick your battles in the office and learn to have a thicker skin. Somethings are just not that important and cause stress,
James CookPosted at 23:24h, 30 November
Wow, thanks for being so honest. Your persona tells different (I assumed you were one of those jocks who pummels anyone in any sport) and you don’t seem nervous at all. We share a lot of common things – showtunes, chick flicks, and I have the musical taste of a 14 year old girl (slighlty more mature than you) and would love to see TS in concert. I am also straight and married, not that there’s anything wrong with that. 😉
Linda IngogliaPosted at 02:08h, 02 December
I loved your post. Connecting with people is the most important thing, and that’s what you just did. I just joined LYL last week so this is all still pretty new. Your TED talk showed up right when it was supposed to for me – I’m carving out a new post-corporate career and it’s great to see other people working on similar stuff. It’s scary and exhilarating at the same time – especially because I don’t even know what I’m building yet. I just keep reading and writing and whiteboarding and listening and watching, and I know my ideas will finally take shape. But everything you talk about resonates – the highs, the lows, the stress, the screwing up – and the thrill when you inspire someone that makes up for it all. And I’m totally driven by the vision of what our world might be like if everyone could do work they love and basically live through their own creative channels. Blows my mind. So I’m here, and I know that hanging out with inspiring people will keep me going and bring out my best. I’ve got about 9 more months until I’ll feel free to leave my current job. 9 months to plan and take those small steps that will move me in a new direction. I think this community is as valuable, if not more valuable than the tools, so thanks for creating all this, Scott!
LambertPosted at 10:34h, 02 December
1, 3, 19, 21, 24, 26, 30, 35. I got all those too. The difference is, I wouldn’t give telling the world all those things a second thought; I’d just tell ’em. It doesn’t have to be “painfully” sincere; just sincere. Now, I know we only share 8 of those 35 (or 36) things, so maybe I would give announcing to the world ALL those things a second thought, or more. But what I’m saying is — you’re you; you shouldn’t have to be ashamed of that. I’m me, I wanna’ be me, and I like being me, even though I would definitely like to be better at dancing. Dancing just ain’t me, and that’s that. I suck at dancing. I’m as stiff as a rock. But I’m good at math, and I would never give up being good at math to be good at dancing. I love math WAAAAAAAAAY more! And I prefer wearing khakis. They’re cumfy. So denim can kiss my ass only when I’m with my girlfriend!
NaveenPosted at 22:59h, 02 December
I have been fighting this battle since long time. In fact from my childhood. I always think different from the crowd around me. So it pisses them off. But I can’t help them out. Sometimes it hurts me as well for not being loved for being what I am. But, I realize that instead of expecting people to like/love me it’s more important to love MYSELF.
Thank you for sharing “YOU”.
FayePosted at 00:37h, 04 December
Thanks for posting these things about yourself. Your ability to do and try new things and laugh is great. I procrastinate, focus on food a lot and stay on the net too long sometimes. Connecting with people is more important. Thanks for the great work that you put into the site, the videos and the LYL local! You are inspiring.
ShadiPosted at 09:32h, 05 December
Thanks for sharing Scott and for the humour (Canadian spelling) with which you did it. Also the wedding video is just beautiful. I guess my share is pretty much reflected in the first line of this post. I’m scared people won’t like me so I do things that I think will interest/impress/amuse/awe or some how get their attention. Its exhausting coming up with this stuff and I never feel people truly like me for me but rather for the ‘things’ I do (vicious circle). I’m taking a page from your page and opening up to being my ordinary self with others and letting the vulnerable ache just be there. Oh and I’m a terrible speller too! One last thing – check out the Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin it’s been a tremendous help in stress reduction for me. Thanks again
ElisePosted at 17:57h, 06 December
Thanks for being honest! I hate being the center of attention. That’s one of the reasons I’m terrified of public speaking.
alexPosted at 01:27h, 08 December
My entire life I’ve always been a very shy and introverted person. Right now, I’m working as a bartender, and that requires me to be very outgoing. Whenever I go to work, I see it as an opportunity to step out of my comfort zone. For the most part I do a good job. I enjoy talking with all of the people who come in. Overall its been a great experience. However, not everything goes smooth. The hardest and scariest part for me is being around one specific coworker. He’s loud, he’s quick witted, and he’s constantly talking shit. He is a good worker, but when he’s there, he gets to me in so many different ways. I realized though, that the reason it upsets me so much is he makes me feel small. He insults me in front of customers and I can’t stand up for myself. I can’t come up with anything worthwhile to say to him or to the other customers because I’m too overwhelmed by feeling intimidated. I only work with him for 3 hours, but they are the longest three hours of my week. The best I’ve come up with so far is to hold my head up high and try to not let it get to me. but the truth is is it does get to me. its embarrassing and like I said, it makes me feel small. I know he’s means no harm. We’ve had some good conversations too, so I know there’s a real person inside. Thats just his way of being in the world, and it makes me feel small, weak, and powerless that it gets to me so much.
kaashaashxáawPosted at 09:08h, 09 December
lol @ 35 I hear you on that one… I’m a self-admitted introvert and love my life as it is. It’s difficult to get me to open up in conversation (when I’m not in the public eye for work) so when you do, it’s the real me. Because of my forced persona, I tend to be OCD, aggressive, and demanding. They call me drill sgt at my client’s and I get along well with my military buddies. I do my best alone and find peace in nature. It’s been that way since I can remember (age 2). My best friend? My dog. “I hate people, generally….but like people individually.”
Mihaela GeorgescuPosted at 16:36h, 13 December
I read once that entrepreneurs were more likely to have been rebellious when they were teens…. and I realized that I was a rebellious teen also….but this is why I had the courage to live my life the way I wanted to and to preserve my freedom ( I have never been an employee, I have worked as a freelance or had my own small translation business)
abhishekPosted at 22:26h, 13 December
scott you are awesome ! People always expected me to “fit into” the scheme of things and which I did very well . After coming in contact with you , Im making some of the biggest changes to my life. Wish me luck ! I call this phase of my Life …ABHI2.0 .
JuilPosted at 23:14h, 14 December
Thank you for sharing.
Painfully honest and authentic:
1. I am a man, but sometimes wish I could be a woman, but want to still be a man. It’s weird and confusing.
2. I am really bad at getting things done: especially the most important things. I procrastinate like crazy and can’t get myself to feel the stress that is necessary to motivate me.
3. I am horribly selfless and selfish at the same time.
FiguringPosted at 19:46h, 22 January
You not alone on all 3 things, Juil. Mot particularly points #2 & #3…and a few times #1 (but more for the experience, but not for more than a few days to experience it).
RaphaëllePosted at 10:19h, 15 December
Can relate to alex from 7 days ago.. similar situation to me, regarding the shyness, also working in a bar actually and should stand up and speak up much more…
Thanks Scott, normally nobody wants to share this stuff, but in fact that is what makes us us..
To begin with I just take on a small note about me…
– feel overwhelmed too practically all the time, and stressed
– HATE to have to evaluate myself… in school I could feel ilke the dumbest person on earth and then get a really good grade on a work – couldnt tell. Or make myself a huge effort when the task wasnt ment to be that precise, coud have done it much easier, less complicated..
Sometimes very slow in social interactions, sometimes just think wayz too much or fast.. so hard to figure out for others and myself of how I actually tick.
– seriously about mapping out/ create a timeline when I travelled which countries over the years as I travelled around SO much.
– have my moments of 90ies-flashbacks.. would suddenly listen as a wake-up song to something like Kuessen Verboten from Die Toten Hosen, or Die Da from Fanta4 – not my normal playlist – still knowing the lyrics by heart from my teenage years, and let it out, dance awkwardly when nobody sees….*shame..
– find it always important to point out that I am half swiss-german and half french-canadian from origin
Love what you do Scott, still have to work on a lot of material I got from your toolkits, by the side I invested in a personal coach to help me figure out about my future path, interests and skills – all comes together well I think.
I will stay on track and wanna check out the local meet-ups as well..
HWBjrPosted at 04:26h, 19 December
I’m still stuck on #1. Let me know if you have found a way to conquer that demon. And while I’m at it #7 is a challenge for me also. I suppose I have always viewed time as something we have invented that now controls us. The machine taking over. My attitude is I will get started when I’m good and ready and I will not stop until I’m done. That kind of thinking doesn’t help in the corporate clock obsessed world.
NbgalPosted at 01:16h, 21 December
I am grateful to have found your website and have since handed in my resignation and will embark on the journey of self discovery in about 2 weeks!
To join in on the spirit of sharing:
1) I am obsessed with my weight and my biggest fear is being fat. I quit bulimia cold turkey over ten years ago but often feel like I have to constantly do something active even when I am exhausted. I am going to work on being kinder and less critical of myself
2) I am not the most detail oriented person but somehow ended up with a job that deals with sales commissions. The process is super manual and when you are not super detailed, mistakes happen and I am really tired of beating myself up. I realized that’s not the role for me.
3) I am always worried about what others think and end up hiding my true self to fit in or please others. This article has really struck a chord and I will do my best to make the shift and let others see the real me.
SheenaPosted at 11:19h, 21 December
Quite the article… Many things you mentioned made me smile, and it’s a refreshing thing to have common ground displayed so openly. So here’s some stuff about me:
I am terrible at handstands but try often enough
I love climbing trees
I’m also into bjj (but I’m more chilled about it than you), it has been a vehicle for quite a lot of personal growth – the calm I can tap into as a result, the ability to just be playful and learn with a stranger, the joy of teaching (watching the penny drop is a wonderful thing), and an excuse to travel (I’m just home from an eye opening month in brazil)
People say I have a good work ethic but I am pretty sure I’m one of the laziest people I know
One of my biggest problems is maintaining momentum – I think of something inspiring to do, make a start, then get bored. It’s a big waste and a sore topic
I had a strange childhood that left me with real problems with understanding the role of emotions and empathy, for a long time that meant I was alone. I have since found friends who I respect and love and who reciprocate on those feelings
I am occasionally arrogant but try not to be
I have a weakness for awesome backpacks, and can’t stand shopping for clothes.
Stoic guy.Posted at 04:24h, 22 December
Very open article:
#1at times, i sing songs in lady’s voice
#2I am very much concerned about my weight sometimes and fear getting fat hence indulging in bouts of bulimic like behavior.
#3 i am ashamed to admit to people that i dont have a father as he had ded 3 years ago and instrinsically feel inferior that if i do people will stop seeing me as an equal
#4. i love rapping however i dont think that its a profession for me .
#5 i am afraid to show people that i am clueless and uncertain about the future and my career as i have made my image on definiteness and accuracy of having shit figured out.
#6. i have a pet peeve for black haired fair women , but i wanna struggle with
#7 i fear that i won’t find my companion with whom i can share my deepest problems and anxities with.
#8 . feel angry at my loved ones too often .
#9 .forget my purpose and lose my morale quickly. the day starts off with a bang but as it progresses eventually the edge becomes more blunt and start to lose my focus and get distracted quickly.
#10. see women as objects of lust and sex.very demeaning .
#11. have a presumed that everything related to maths and accounting , i will suck at it ,definitely.
#12. think sometimes i am bound to be doomed..bitvh !!!
briPosted at 00:07h, 24 December
I don’t know how to conduct myself around girls I dig, friends of friends I haven’t met, or family/people I haven’t seen in a while. I lose my sense of self or something, and wind up coming off as cold. I’ve been trying to fix it for a little while.
IsabellePosted at 07:25h, 25 December
This site is great and very inspiring!
It is great to see that other people have there insecurities or just things they don’t really want other people to know about. Mostly people are not that honest about themselves. So thanks for sharing!
Some facts about myself:
1. I sometimes talk before I think and end up hurting people, even if I didn’t plan on it (working on that)
2. I am either extremely lazy or can’t take a break from working around the clock, there is not middle ground for me.
3. Sometimes I’m too demanding of other people. I want things done in a certain way and if that doesn’t happen I get annoyed (even if it works a different way too)
That’s it for now
Carolina VarzabetianPosted at 07:19h, 29 December
Thanks for being so honest with all of us.
Leticia EspinosaPosted at 20:19h, 31 December
I love your honesty. I definitely can relate. I battle with anxiety and ptsd. I meditate to keep myself ballanced. I have to stick to a certain regimen daily to stay focused. I am dedicated to improve without medication. I try to live as natural as possible and that comes with some ups and downs. I failed at real estate for 2 years. I understand the pressure because I take care of my family. So when I don’t have the finances to help my mom or my brothers, i feel stressed. They don’t put that pressure on me but I am the only one who has graduated and chose a wiser path. Now that I have accomplished quite a bit, they have very high expectations. I am a science geek and I can’t spell annnnd I’m a graduate student lol. I have tattoos and get judged everywhere I go. I am also bi racial and ignorant folks always feel the need to comment. I politely give them the finger then go pray about it lol. Thats just some things about me I usually don’t share BUT I appreciate your honesty and wanted to return the favor! ; )
QuintinPosted at 02:57h, 02 January
Thanks for the honesty in telling us more about you and what makes you tick.
#1 i struggle to let go and leave it up to what will happen, will happen.
#2 public speaking is a fear yet something i must learn to do more off, – that feedback you get from an audience is inspiring
#3 i over think things a lot.
#4 self motivation is hard at times.
Simone ChampagniePosted at 21:30h, 02 January
I just left every thing and decided to move cross country via road trip to a state where I have never been and have no relations. Sometimes, I get scared and worry I made the wrong choice. I felt that way today until I read this which reminded me that failing is part of the processes, not the end. Thanks 🙂
sasiPosted at 16:58h, 03 January
Loved ur wedding video can’t believe ur openness to share something so intimate. Ur points made u so much more real to me.
1. As single mum at 30 with two Lil ones I guess I’m worried that’s t best times over.
2. I over share and give my loyalty 110% to quickly I guess subconsciously I also expect that level of friendship in return and it’s to much for many ppl.
3. I see other people’s possibilities and I become there biggest cheerleader but I’m unable to see t good or worthy in myself?
4. I would rather apologise or even leave towns,jobs,friendships rather than stand up for myself.
5. Lately my motivation is nill by mouth…I just don’t seem able to rev that engine. Keep trying tho. X
Marco SabatiniPosted at 07:40h, 04 January
I’m terrible at keeping documentation and bureaucratic stuff
GitaPosted at 17:52h, 05 January
Wow! I cannot find a way to say how powerful that was to read. I had already grown to admire you because of your willingness to express yourself, but you’re right, it’s easier to express the positive aspects of our lives, but sharing our negatives and being accepted is so key!
I met a man I am very interested in – he’s dating around, not interested in creating a relationship, I have told him I was not interested in dating him
Union Is LovePosted at 05:02h, 06 January
My name is Union Is Love. I was born Grant Lawrence Wilson and after starting to wake up I changed my name to Humphrey Dove. I have a massive pink love heart tattoed on my chest that I am only just now getting comfortable showing to the world and I have been so good at blocking my heart in the past because I have been do hurt. I’m 37 and never had a girlfriend and I’m only just now done with my past and am truly ready to allow myself to be loved. I met a girl the other week in Paris who I was in love with the moment I saw her and am going to London one way next month to meet her but I am so conscious of my old patterns of behaviour. My old patterns right?! That’s not me now. I am over living the life that’s not the one I want and I want the life of my dreams. I want to be sharing and spreading Love here on our planet and the only thing stopping me flying is me. I try too hard because I’m only just now starting to really Trust the Universe that is us. Now I Love saying Affirmations in the mirror like I Love Me and I Let Go of all my plans and Trust the universe with everything. I expect, accept, allow and I receive miracles etc……I’ve been so sad and heavy in life and accepted less than my dreams because I’ve felt I don’t deserve them and now I know I do. Thanks for the opportunity to open and the encouragement to do so. Lots of Love Union
VickyPosted at 21:40h, 06 January
This post resonates with me very much. I recently watched a TedX talk by Brené Brown on Vulnerability and how important it is. To anyone reading this comment I highly recommend you check it out.
My biggest problem seems to be stress, in a number of forms. I am terrible for dwelling on things that have happened in the past, no matter how small, to the point of not sleeping. This is something I am trying to let go in 2015 to allow me to keep a clear head, live the moments I am in and make the most of my potential.
Swan(n)Posted at 11:52h, 09 January
With this post, I reckon you’ve made thousands of people know that they’re not alone, in their bad habits, hang ups and often downright daft behaviour. Myself included. Thanks for your honesty and bravery in posting this.
– my number one huge, shameful thing, that only my spouse knows, is that I pull my hair out – literally. It started while I was at uni during my final year around the time that a close friend and then my grandmother died. And now, although I’m in a much happier place, I still pull it out – out of habit and when I get even the teeniest bit stressed. I have a thin patch of hair at the back of my head – which is why I wear my hair up most of the time.
I’m doing yoga and learning breathing exercises to help, but when it’s so unconscious, it’s pretty hard.
Pheeeww… that’s the first time I’ve told anyone that.
RebeccaPosted at 19:42h, 09 January
Here’s my biggie: I went to a psychiatrist two years ago because I literally couldn’t sleep, which was making me a basket case. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to take care of my kids, which made me feel worse. I rightly suspected there was something bigger afoot. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression, which didn’t surprise me! I had been a stay at home mom and was feeling like i was in a rut. I didn’t feel happy with my life, felt badly about myself and felt alone.
I started medication, which improved my mental state and my outlook on life considerably. I began to feel like a different person, more specifically an improved version of myself, the person I’ve always wanted to be. I was able to forgive myself more quickly and obsess less about negative thoughts. In addition to getting on medication I started finding ways to do things for myself that would feed my soul: art classes, gardening, volunteering. Things started to gel more easily, including meeting people and making friends. My confidence and self satisfaction soared.
I am still astounded by how far I’ve come from those dark days. It is possible to be happy.
TraceyPosted at 13:32h, 12 January
I feel like being black is a downfall and being a woman is even worse. I believe people only like you because they want something. I believe we never die. I believe crystals give us energy. I like to stare at my children. What a great exercise! Thank you for sharing.
Lisa RoszlerPosted at 15:50h, 12 January
I used to be late often. Once, my husband got fed up with it and left without me. That was the cure! 🙂 And I suffer from perfectionitis. But working on that.
AndrewPosted at 21:07h, 12 January
I feel like I’ll never get everything done
CindyloohooPosted at 14:49h, 13 January
I don’t know how to relax and have fun with my kids – I’m always so busy thinking about something I want to do (work, volunteer, around the house etc). This is why I am so motivated to work less but play more and be more of a mom. I think women are getting the raw end of the deal of this dual-income family thing….it honestly isn’t possible to do it all. It’s too tight of a tightrope to walk and something has got to give.
Helen KPosted at 03:45h, 14 January
Thank you for sharing your facts (and thanks for the blog tips, which as a fairly new hobby blogger, I will be going back to!)
As for me, some things I am embarrassed about are a) lateness – which for years I pretended to myself was because I had so much to do / didn’t want to waste time but now recognise is because it is because I am avoiding something I don’t want to do or am scared I will stuff up; b) I feel fairly childish that I don’t like tea, coffee, prefer dessert to savoury snacks – but that’s what it is, and c) I get worried about taking on something new because I tend to put so much emotional energy into what I do, and don’t want to drop the ball on family and friends, fitness, etc. Can I do something new work-wise – which I feel like I need to – without jeopardising this? I don’t really know.
Rick TorriPosted at 12:48h, 14 January
Scott, I truly feel as though I am reading my own personal life. Your style of expressing yourself is so my style too.
I can relate to 90% of your stories fears and facts but the one that hits a cord with me is
# 13: I fail often and I failed for the last 18 years straight in business.
I’m on the rise and will make 2015 the end of failure. Scott, you are helping me take life seriously with belief and conviction that I can do anything when I make it real. Never bout success!
Ana HelenaPosted at 08:50h, 16 January
I really liked the post. I totally get you on the stress and anxiety thing. Ive recently gotten a promotion and started waking up at 3 a.m shaking. I also do TM and some mornings its more challenging then others.
I also had a friend that worked for discover seville!!! Hehe
But besides that i think anxiety keeps me in headlock but im trying to work through it.
Paul HeeleyPosted at 16:51h, 17 January
Definitely seem to have a few parallels there… For good or bad!
Have to say my big secret, or flaw, is anxiety over every little thing. Almost any situation is over analysed and picked over until the actual thing is secondary. That said, I’m working on being less over critical and I’ll certainly keep improving.
MichaelaPosted at 09:40h, 18 January
I get stressed too easily.
cathcayPosted at 05:27h, 20 January
First, I must confess that my English is not very good… and its really a problem today to work out of France and to share personal feelings with you… but I got the main meaning of your stories and that’s so true ! Like Samuel bellow, its clear for me that everyone has something special to offer the world : both talents and fears make people unique ! One of my secret, is that… I am 15 years old in my mind !
And in fact, I am 43 years old and I can’t believe it… Life is so short !
Another very strange thing : if I ask for people what they do think about me, they tell me that I am creative … even if I think I am absolutly not at all…
CGPosted at 08:50h, 21 January
Thank you for sharing! Very brave – truly admirable!
MiryamPosted at 13:26h, 21 January
I am in my early twenties and I have a weird obsession with baby names.
tkroachePosted at 12:08h, 22 January
Finally! Someone else who likes ducks! All my friends poke fun at me about this … 🙂
AshleyPosted at 18:09h, 26 January
I am incredibly indecisive. Making even simple decisions is paralyzing and has kept me unhappily in the same place for too long a time.
I have shame that I carry with me daily, it is crippling shame that doesn’t let up no matter how many years pass.
PaolaPosted at 11:20h, 27 January
I will share with you my honest story, I left things to the last minute. I love working under pressure, but there are times that I don’t consider how long will it take to do something.
AstrumissPosted at 11:41h, 27 January
I am so perfectionist and try to know every single thing I can before starting to do something, anything that it reduces me to inaction. I am working on it and try to encourage myself to be more in a “just start” state of mind.
Also, I do function under pressure but it causes me a lot of stress, making me quick-tempered until the pressure is off..
BFCAPosted at 13:51h, 27 January
1. I enjoy decorating and am fanatical about getting the right look to he point of being annoying and controlling….my wife hates it.
2. I lost a lot of mine and other money by getting involved in a transaction that didn’t exist. The case is now being handles by the FBI.
3. I once had my car repossessed for three weeks until I could get it back.
Urban BourgeoisPosted at 17:06h, 27 January
La Vie Boheme is probably one of my favorite musical numbers of all time. I have been trying to coordinate a flash dance at a bar with my friends but we haven’t gotten around to it. Any volunteers? 😀
Anyway, I am not as close to my family as I’d like to be. There is such a big age difference between my cousins and myself (I’m an only child), that I never felt comfortable around them and I made the choice to disconnect.
Alison WilliamsPosted at 00:49h, 28 January
You’re awesome!!! I love, love authenticity and honesty. So now I’ll be honest, I’m spending too much time looking and admiring what others do and not enough time working on my own stuff!
Here’s a good stress relief song for you I believe it’s Bob Marley “Dun’t worry about a ting cause evry lickle ting gwaan to be awwright” Translation Don’t worry about a thing because every little thing is going to be alright, and it already is : )
Loving what you do!!!
Andy LloydPosted at 09:08h, 29 January
Love the site and happy to see that I’m not the only one with issues that I thought were ‘just me being a wuss!’. I could quite easily write a piece as long as yours about the authentic me but don’t want to bore everyone to death. Here are just a couple.
1. I feel anxious and stressed over the little things and totally chilled about the things I should be stressed, maybe it’s a coping strategy, I don’t know.
2. I’m constantly looking for answers as to ‘why I’m here or what is my purpose’ and read so many books I could open a library but never practise what I’ve read, no matter how much sense it makes, just stupid I guess.
3. I like to learn new things, especially in the sporting arena. They normally involve adrenaline, like learning to paraglide when I don’t like heights, kitesurfing and riding motorbikes or bikes of any kind. I attempted to ride from London to Istanbul last year in a bike race despite never having ridden a bike race in my life before…that’s another story! Anyway, that’s part of me out in the open.
33 Things I Wish You Didn’t Know About Me |Posted at 15:41h, 29 January
[…] that I do, so I’m writing this post to get it all out there into the universe. There is this post on the Live Your Legend blog called Painful Authenticity that has challenged me to write a similar […]
Georginne WorleyPosted at 16:47h, 29 January
Great post!!! One thing a lot of people don’t know about me, is I talk to myself a lot. Not just in my head, but also out loud. I think it came from living alone for 3 years. I do find it helpful when solving problems.
KerryPosted at 17:35h, 29 January
Thanks for sharing and the community. Although relatively new to LYL, it already feels like such a great connection. For that you have my thanks.
1. A huge thing for me, and tough to write down is the fear of rejection. i have a propensity to keep it all in side and take it personally. Crazy oxymoron for someone in charge of sale driven industries for his whole career.
2. Junk food – what can i say!!
JordanPosted at 00:13h, 02 February
Your openness and honesty are much appreciated…
Here goes it – I come across like everything with me is set and perfect, taking great care to let life seem completely in order. At the core, I feel like I’ll never be able to live up to the standard I’ve set and it keeps me from getting to a truly deep level with folks. I never get hurt but I also am always at an elusive distance, which doesn’t breed the deepest connection possible. Even though I dislike the thought, I am working towards being more open, vulnerable, and occasionally in need. In a few words, finding the goodness and authenticity in imperfection. I’m also regularly over-filling my schedule and procrastinating on small, but necessary tasks, because I find it more inspiring to dream but alas, both are needed.
Alyssa RodriguezPosted at 07:40h, 02 February
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this! (I am doing the blog challenge and have successfully started my early morning writing habit..) I’m a total newbie to your site and wealth of awesome resources, but I’m finding I’m losing myself (in the best way) in discovering all you have to write about. I started a blog forever ago focused on being true to yourself and becoming who you are more fully through self discovery. Lo and behold I am terrified to put myself out there for fear I will fail to write well, be ignored, or totally rejected.
Being rejected strikes hard to my gut since (OK, here comes my confession. Gritting my teeth…) 5 years ago I lost the majority of my family and all of my friends for leaving the religion I was raised in. For real. Everything I was raised to know and my whole culture in fact was lost to me the day I developed a worldview of my own. Long story short I have felt powerless for a long time. Reading this article and beginning to surround myself with other people (via the internet) that are truly willing to be themselves is finally starting something in me that is giving me enough courage to move through the first steps and chase after what really matters to me. Just gotta say. It’s awesome to be here today. Never stop doing work here. Your love for it intensely shines through and for that I’m grateful. Thanks man! Pura vida 🙂
CarlaPosted at 08:38h, 03 February
I am scared about not enjoying the moment and living in the present enough. I often catch myself thinking about the future and how much more interesting my life will then be. This makes me afraid that I am missing out on a lot of things while focusing on the future and that I will regret that when I’ll be looking back.
But realizing it is the first step to changing it, right? 🙂
Jeremiah PeteriePosted at 15:40h, 03 February
I have never known what I wanted to do with my life, after injuring my leg and being honorably discharged from the Army it has been hard to find anything that excites me. I loved being a Military Police Officer, I loved playing soccer, but no longer. Right now I am pursuing a career that I don’t really know if I will enjoy at all, and I am constantly second guessing myself. I’ve lost touch with my dreams and have instead focused on what people tell me I should and I find myself no longer recognizing who I am.
MaggiePosted at 10:41h, 23 March
We have vastly different backgrounds but I am in the same boat. The things I used to love to do I do not do anymore. I constantly second guess myself and have lost touch with my dreams. I am going to start a journal of things I would like to read when I second guess myself. I may start a blog or may wait for another one of Scott’s contests.
BeanPosted at 17:58h, 03 February
Thanks for being so open 🙂 My worst problem at present is an extreme fear to really go for what i have wanted to do all my life – art. I feel thrown back into teeny years, where security was said to be THE most imprtant thing. I have lived this lie for so many years, studied something ‘safe’ and hate my occupation deeply. I think i have found your site at the perfect time, as once again i stand before some very important decisions about what i will do with my life from here. Maybe it is the last chance i have of living my dreams and being who i really am. Iam just so sick of playing it safe, living by this fake guideline so many seem to be following who walk this boring pathway, taking no risks at all, never really experiencing the joy of being completely themself, always having money (apparently safety) as focus. Artists are said to often be poor. This extremely common view and i guess reality, is scary. But the last four years of my life, doing art, being poorer 😉 then ever financially, have been the most truthful and most authentic years of my life. I feel like a kid just writing this….. I don’t want to have regrets when i’m old, i really want to have discovered who i was made to be. This means listening to the quite voice inside more then all the loud and persisting voices around me who don’t inspire with their ‘safe’ life….. So it’s fear i will need to step up against. I heard this saying once (in german – iam german 😉 ‘Wo deine Angst ist, da geht es lang’ =
‘Where your fear is, that ‘s where your path is.’
JosPosted at 04:21h, 05 February
Hi Scott…and the rest of everybody in this group
Thank you for sharing…
– I used to mind other peoples businesses en problems way more than my own. I t was a way to avoid to deal with things I had deal with for myself. I have been trying to turn this habit around for almost two years and getting better at it.
– I am 33 years old and still really scared of the dark even in my bed at night
– I was used to deal with a neurotic behavior like counting and timing the things I did.
For example the round that I would walk with my dog had to be exactly 30 minutes three times a day ( in my mind a knew better and that 27 minutes was just as fine) but still nearing my front door at the 27 minute mark, I always decide to make a little detour.
– I have to be honest about my vanity. I am always in silent competition with my girl friends. I always want to be the better looking and secretly count their wrinkles. When I write this down I laugh at my self because it seems so pathetic.
Well i could go on for days with my confessions but I will stick to this
MariaPosted at 15:28h, 06 February
I don’t remember ever reading such a refreshing text.Thankyou.Somehow this text relief me and give me permission to be me.
Well, I like to raise my children so I spend a lot of time with my family.Yet I’d like to write blogs,have hobbies and “teach” people to change negative belifs. I am not social person even sometimes I may look like one.I like to live quit life.Helping one person at the time would be something I could handle.I am bit afraid of society expectations..if I need to have a lot of friends etc..but I know there isn’t in me so much to give.
AshleyPosted at 20:46h, 07 February
Stress is one of the most negative of life’s experiences, I think. It changes your health, your mood and can cause such turmoil in relationships. I believe in giving yourself a break and setting some time aside to de-stress. Otherwise you’ll get run into the ground–I know from personal experience!
I believe in fairness and not judging others in all ways. If someone does something too heinous for my moral code, I do find myself judging. But not the every-day kind of stuff.
I analyze just about everything: I feel that everything you do is a reflection of everything else about yourself. An example: my parents used to be confounded by my keeping food on my plate separated and eating one thing at a time (I mix more now). I wondered why I did this and found that this is a sign of my personality: I prefer to simplify and deal with one thing at a time.
I also keep a sort of “filing system” in my mind, a tally of red and green marks, for my interactions with people. Their actions earn either green (good) or red (bad), and I’ll be honest, it doesn’t take all that much for them to be in the red, it seems. However, no matter how far they’ve dug themselves in with red, they can get out of the pit with many (many!) green actions. The thing is, they have to want to put the effort and time in. Some people say I hold grudges, but they don’t understand at all: it’s actually the opposite.
Janine MeadleyPosted at 23:16h, 07 February
Thanks Scott. Very impressed with your live of RENT and pastels!
Something most of my friends don’t even know about me is that I have a bit of a hero complex and think I was put on earth to save humanity – I super identify with Harry Potter and one did a marathon to study him. The problem is that sometimes it puts a heap of pressure of me so anytime I do something wrong (or opposite) I completely lose myself in long periods of depression. There you go. Pretty hard to admit to!!
Libby BussinahPosted at 07:52h, 09 February
Thanks, Scott! Here’s to being authentic…
I’m afraid my artwork isn’t good enough and will never have meaning in the world.
Public speaking terrifies me.
I live a secret life in the books I read, especially the Outlander ones.
SamanthaPosted at 06:55h, 10 February
Thank you so much for sharing Scott. Its nice to have proof that even the most successful missionaries have doubts and struggles.
To share my side.. I spent a long time being insecure, self critical, and even depressed. And I mean like age 10-20. I only started learning how to truly bond with friends in my last year of university. I have spent pretty well my whole life thus far envying people that I should be respecting and inspired by.
There are a few major events in my life that I have held grudges towards that I dont know how to let go of, even though I have always believed in forgiving and moving forward.
I am afraid of failure, but am sometimes terrified of succeeding and flying, even in my best moments.
I have insanely strong passions for travel, helping others, teaching, performing in musicals and learning more about various religions and cultures, but do not feel qualified or ready to take the leap – even though Im throwing myself into aome of these things already.
I am far more concerned about others’ opinions of me than I care to admit, probably because I have always felt like one of those rare misfits.
Im sure I could go on, but thats enough realizations and admittances for ne in one night. Thanks again for granting us this opportunity to share and open up to ourselves as well as others.
SamanthaPosted at 06:56h, 10 February
Oh yeah, and Rent and Wicked are up there in the most phenomenal musicals of all time. Im so jealous that youve seen them live so many times!!!
Diana Karenina VMPosted at 21:04h, 11 February
Thank you for sharing this and for doing what you´re doing.
Ok, my time to share:
-I am obsessed with my image. I fell like I need to be physically beautiful in order for people to actually get interested on what´s in my mind.
-I´m an actress, done mostly theatre and I feel embarrassed because I haven´t been able to book one single commercial yet.
-I´m awfully scared to book a commercial o film job because I feel I won´t deliver the way I should or because I don´t feel pretty enough or skinny enough
-I used to have bulimia and anorexia when I was a teenager. I tried to force myself to go back to my bulimic days a few months ago but I just couldn´t do that to myself.
-I used to smoke but very proudly quit like a year ago 😀
-I love acting but I´m scared to produce and direct too (things that I LOVE) because I´m afraid that if I´m not an actress then who am I? This is a weird one I am working on, but yeah.
-I´ve been actually working consciously and intensely on all of them for a couple of years now and I´d love to share my journey with other people that struggle with food and self-image issues. One thing I know for sure about myself is that I just LOVE helping people out with their lives.
Ok, this was cool. Thanks for this man, interesting exercise indeed. And thanks for all the other people on the comments sharing their truth with the world.
Peace and love always.
BrePosted at 23:10h, 11 February
Your honesty is really refreshing and comforting. I’m about to start a project that focuses on people being more honest and open so that we could feel less alone in this world. THIS was the encouragement I needed! We love you for being YOU Scott! Thank you for building up the courage to share! Just continue to live life moment by moment and everything will fall into place, I know it will! Keep meditating and focus on the positives!
KellyPosted at 14:31h, 13 February
Hi Scott and Everyone!
My turn and forgive me because this will be a long one…. College was never a maybe thing, it was always a set destination growing up, but after 3 years of being miserable “trying to figure out what I want to do with my life” I finally did what I really wanted to do and dropped out. It wasn’t an overnight decision though, from the minute I graduated high school I kept insisting to everyone around me that I didn’t feel right about going to school right now. Not that school was out of the question entirely by any means, but that I really felt I needed to follow a different path. Because of this I ended up in a battle with my parents, missed the date to accept the one school I wanted to go too, and ended up going to Community College for 2 1/2 years. I decided early on that I had to make the best of my situation and that if I was going to go to school it would be an “all or nothing” type thing. I moved out of my parents house a month after graduation to live with my sister and her sleazy boyfriend (didn’t know that before moving in, mind you). It was a year spent being both physically and emotionally abused by my boyfriend, groped in the night while I slept by my sisters boyfriend, and learning that after only having sex with one person in my very short life I had contracted the Oral Herpes virus from presumably my cheating or lying ex (who knows which reason bc I will never speak to him again). To say I felt shame would be the biggest understatement of my life. After only a short time of living on my own I felt defeated, abused, and cheated of everything I had grown up to believe in. I was 100% convinced that no one would ever want to date me and that I would be depressed forever about what had happened. After telling my sister what her boyfriend was doing, she didn’t believe me, and I ended up losing my best friend in the whole world. After telling my parents, they started to understand my depression. There was a long road ahead though. I dumped my ex about 7 times before I finally got away (each time before was met with stalking, stealing my dog, and him getting physical if that didn’t work) I met my future roommate through mutual friends. She was an amazing person but was horrible at being a friend, was always late, and struggled severely with alcoholism like her mother before her. She taught me a lot about how I viewed myself and the people in my life. Because of the strong ties my roommate had with friends of my ex, I had to re-live a lot of horrible moments by seeing his face in pictures of mutual friends. When the year was up I’d grown to resent my roommate, but mostly because we we’re just too different (every day was a party for her paid for by her mom, while I worked and went to school and paid for everything except tuition myself, she was everything I would never be). When the year ended I decided to move back home until I could find a roommate that wouldn’t make my home life hell (a hard task at 20, ask anyone :p). I transferred to a State school, enrolled in a semester, and gave it my all. I failed miserably at my Honors Computer Science course and ended up resenting school more then ever. But the thing is, I was finally in a happy place, I had an amazing boyfriend, good friends, my family was supporting me, I was working part time as a Legal Assistant in a law firm… things were finally great on the surface. But it wasn’t right for me. I was living what I thought was the perfect life. The day I dropped out after that semester I had the biggest smile my family had seen in years. I finally had made a decision without caring what anyone else thought, and it was the right one. It’s been about a month of my new found freedom. I’m still living at home, paying off credit card debt of $2000 after my college days, but I am LIVING. I no longer dread my days, I no longer think about suicide, and I no longer feel like what I’m doing has no point. I wouldn’t trade this feeling for a degree any day. There’s a whole lot I’ve got to still figure out, but I’m having the time of my life, and I’m doing things completely on my own terms. It’s taken everything in me to get my confidence back, but I did it!! I know that I still have a long road to travel and so much to learn, but I couldn’t be more excited to find people just like me and connect with people all over the world. Thank you for all that you do Scott, because it’s people like me who sometimes need to be reminded that there is still PLENTY worth living and fighting for.
I wish no one knew that about me and to be honest, most people don’t because I can’t even think about it without tears welling up in my eyes. But that’s the truth. I can’t wait to write the rest of my story, because from here on out it’s finally in my control.
Nothing will bring me down, I’m here for a reason and I will find my passion!
GlendaPosted at 14:14h, 04 April
Thank you so much for sharing. You really encouraged me Kelly.
I'm awkPosted at 17:31h, 14 February
35 Honest Personal Stories, Fears & Facts You Don’t Know About Me:
– i would love to do hand stand and slå hjul all the time, but sadly i don’t really dare to as much as id wanted to.
– i dislike to cooperate with others. My theory is that things will turn out best if i can only do them myself… I know i like the results best this way, but it doesnt mean that everyone else does. That’s also why I’m a terrible leader, because of the lack of copperation skills.. I like to look at myself as a great leader, but i guess I’m really not.
– I’ve also been bad at eating things too often, but not really anymore. My self disipline had become so much better. Oh well.. At night I’m bad, like midnight while stalking on my phone or reading or writing i really just “need” more food 🙁
– i fail ALL the time, and I’ve even started wondering why. Before i was thinking okay, i do fail because God gives me the chance to do things better and to learn a lot more than others. But then it has just turned out being frusturating. I feel like I’m kinda the only one. And those are not even small things that don’t matter that much, there are real BIG things that make my life so much harder, and make up for a good amount of more work than any of my aquintances have ever needed. I’m just delayed. I failed my driving test, had to study for the theory for about two months, which took up a lot of time. Resulted in getting a new driver test like four months later. And during that period I’ve felt like a child, miserable, and ruse for not being any help to my friends, who always have to drive instead of me driving. I feel so failed. Plus my bad exam grade in math, which will affect my whole future by not getting into a good study. I took a semester to study for this, and wasted so much time ending up just getting the same grade i already had. The curriculum was even so much easier. And all my other friends passed with like A and B’s. What’s wrong with me?? ????
Plus that I’m on the verge on falling in coming too late to school, because my friend is always late to pick me up. Now i need to take the school bus, totally alone, with only sophomores and junior, who all remind me of how failed my life is because i failed my driving test, and is now sitting here to try not to fail at school, and i miss out on all the fun driving mornings with my friends. Exchange with me and my broken self picture crying alone at the bus.
– I’m so scared and so sad because i know i will never find a guy that loves me and that i truly love back. I’ve never had that experience, while my friends got lists of plenty…
– I’m afraid i will chose the wrong career path. I’m afraid i wont have enough money to be wealthy and offer my children what my parents offered me. I’m afraid i will make a career i can’t brag about, and that people will talk about me and look down at me.
– I’m only 18 and i get like 10 emails per day. It makes me so stressed even though i love some of it, but I’m afraid where this is going to end…
– i often are surrete and vimsete, and things i plan fail and are done or planned wrong, and it involves others, so i take up their time with bullshit, and i put myself into a really awkward spotlight and get people to look down on me…
– i feel so little so often. By meeting new, inspiring and successful people. Or by just seeing them digitally 🙁 often…
– I’m a perfectionist. I spend soo much time on EVERYTHING i do. It’s a problem because i always get soo sad if i fail, and i feel like I waste a lot of time that could have been spent on other things. I mean.. That’s what my friends manage to do..?…
– I’m too loud… I really get loud all the time. Especially if someone is there that i want to impress. I start walking around, and that’s actually so awkward, and people just think I’m annoying…
– i get soo jealous of my friends, and people that are good at things I wish i was good at… It often turns out to be me disliking them… 🙁 for no reason really…
– my life gets messy if my room is messy, my phone camera album is messy or things like my internet or planned got to many tabs open with tasks to check out.
– I’m afraid of death. Never experienced it, and i can’t imagine doing it.
– I’m afraid of people that are older than i am.
– my dream is to become a speaker in some way. To inspire and be surrounded by people. I love new people. But I’m scared. So scared of people, and especially those with talents, lots of friends, those popular. I feel soo small, and i know i am. They really look down on me.
– i know a lot more about you than you know about me. In fact, you don’t even know who i am. I’m a master at stalking, and I’ve got a bread network of names i know the story to, and they don’t even know i exist.
– I’m afraid of the dark. Nuff said. It’s terrible and affects me in so many ways, every day.
– i get involved in too much. I just love everything and i wish i could be a part. (I even get offended when I’m not included in things i haven’t even tried. So weird and so sad.) i get easily inspired and hooked!!! I’ve realized i can’t do everything, because I’m a perfectionist, and i don’t like people to think i do things half way… My planner is often so full i forget to do important things..
– i am really judgemental. Even though i would consider myself really loving and positive to EVERYONE, I’m also fast to judge. I can change my attitude towards someone just by one little action. I often judge people of thinking too good about themselves.
– i get so easily mad at people for nothing, and i kow it comes from my dad. If i fail at one point i get in a bad mood, and i put it out on innocent others 🙁 if my underware is wrong, it’s too hot, my pillow sucks or my hair is bad i get furious, can’t sleep and often start crying.)
– i got a little mad reading this. I don’t think those points are bad or awkward to share. It’s just normal things. My admitments are terrible. Noone else struggle with these stupid things. These are worth to hide. Those are terrible.
patteePosted at 15:21h, 18 February
I share many of these things on this list with you. Although when drinking, I give piggy back rides and do backbends 🙂
HannePosted at 10:51h, 22 February
I get scared by the tempo in LYL and even though I want to do most of these things it takes time to “mentally digest” and dig deep to get out my real answers. I also have quite a fanstastic but exhausting job earlier, gone out and about doing nothing but enjoy myself,and now I am back with a new job wondering if I might have done the same mistake again. Hence my attention to and wish to follow up on the challenges LYL give. As for the bad spelling and hate for ball games, I ditto that, and I have unfortunately since childhood have a slight dislike for people who enjoy football, weird but true.
Geremy KnightPosted at 13:48h, 23 February
Thanks for your honesty! Well lets see, I have anxiety that can be close to debilitating sometimes for no real apparent reason. I believe it to be a result of the lack of congruency in my life up to now. I have recently decided to be completely sober altogether because I’ve used alcohol as a crutch for far too long to run from my problems. Like you I feel like I live in my parents successful shadows as fear that I will never live up to their expectations, but I think these high standards may also be in my head combined with my relentless inner push to do more, the problem is I need focus or a solid goal to strive for. Like you I’m all or nothing, its either get out and run 5 miles or crossfire exercises or don’t do anything at all. Guess you can say that I’m no stranger to injury. We all have our own issues or obstacles and its how we overcome them creates the type of person we are. It’s not the our surroundings or external influences, but ultimately our attitude, perception, and discipline to overcome what we are faced with.
Will MabreyPosted at 18:05h, 23 February
That was super-real, and good to hear. Not because I’m happy that you suffer from stress and uncertainty haha, but because it’s inspiring to see that even someone like you who’s so positive and clear on life struggles with those things sometimes. It gives hope to the rest of us.
One thing about myself that I’d like (maybe like isn’t the word haha) to share:
– I feel like I can be a massive jerk. I used to be known as “the sweetest guy” and “Mr. Positive” and now that’s not me anymore. Some people think I’m stuck up (only those that don’t know me, but still). I’m more impatient with others than I used to be because I spend so much time trying to focus on and build myself, while caring for my girlfriend and being there for my brothers and parents. Honestly, that exhausts me and when it comes down to it, I often just don’t have the time and patience to spend on other people.
Also, when I read #33 I thought of something: a book I read (well listed to on Audible). The book is called You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. That book seriously changed my life and I live by it every day. If you haven’t heard of it, or even if you have but haven’t read it, I seriously recommend reading/listening to it. It’s amazing, and the Audiobook version from Audible is really good, narrated by the author herself, read with real care and conviction. That book should be staple curriculum for all LYL members, it really is so on par with what this community is about.
MaraPosted at 10:52h, 24 February
Bread crumbs are one of the worst things you could give ducks. .. and other flying or swimming or wild animals.
Yes! I recently learned that grapes or seeds or nuts would seriously help nourish wild animals, while bread. ..Nope.
I love feeding them too! love their colors and little circles of friends and family.
This is my rub to share – i am often learning things against the grain that i then feel ardently i need to share!
Not often well received, or believed. Maybe this is my assumption based on childhood, since I’ve recently received feedback that I have a “refreshing” point of view. (Is that just polite for “weird”?) Probably because i think there are so so sooo many things that we have assumed as normal and acceptable, yet I passionately want to shift the brainless acceptance of social norms!
LibertyPosted at 23:45h, 24 February
Thanks. OK, my turn. (Cue anxiety…)
1. I procrastinate. A lot. And I know I’m doing it. I don’t do something and then I feel guilty and ashamed about not doing it and then it just sort of spirals from there.
2. I struggle with anxiety and depression. Even though I know that they are real, I can help other people with their own mental illness, and I am ardent about fighting stigma… I still find myself engaging in self-blame and telling myself that I should be able to “just get over it.”
3. I compare myself to others even though I know I shouldn’t. And when I do I feel like I’ll never be good enough
4. I am uptight about spelling grammar despite this attitude being contrary to some of my core beliefs. I don’t want to judge people for lack of education or things that are just hard for them, but I find myself doing it anyway.
CamillePosted at 17:19h, 28 February
Loved this post! It is really refreshing to have someone speak so honestly about their personal insecurities.
Here is one of mine:
I have a crippling fear of failure. I would rather not do something than risk failing at it. Unfortunately I am very good at most things I do so I am not used to failing so when a challenge does arise I nearly make myself sick worrying about how I am going to conquer it.
I really like this post, I think I will do one for myself and discover my insecurities so I can be more open with others.
TrinePosted at 08:14h, 02 March
Hi! Thanks for sharing. Soo here is a couple ones about me:
– I take a lot of Things waay to personal, and my head spins off in crazy thoughts about me not beeing good enough in all kinds of ways if I get recjeted or if things don`t turn out the way I expected.
– I’m really honest and Direct in my way of beeing. Usually that is a good thing, but sometimes it might get me in some “sticy” and uncomfortable situations..
Ben DayPosted at 20:51h, 02 March
So first of all: short of about 6 of these, I have had the same or similar experiences with everything you’ve said, Scott (RENT, Wicked, and breakdancing included). Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s re-inspired me to write for my self-exploration blog which is similarly unsupported as your first endeavor was. Thank you so much for failing forward and letting us see it. It helps me a lot.
Sometimes I deal with suicidal depression.
I think I’m actually Bipolar II and possibly somewhere on the autism spectrum
I’m worried I’m a narcissist
Sometimes it feels like I’ll never grow up, like I’m a failure and not just someone who has failed.
I’m scared to explore my sexuality.
I’m scared to be alone.
I’m scared I’m a manipulator or, at the very least, the exact person I don’t want to be.
I think that’s all for now, but if there’s more, I’ll let you know.
黄鹰Posted at 09:08h, 08 March
I feel like I have wasted every day of my life up until now (I turned 28 yesterday), and feel the weight of every decision I take from now on as being the ultimate decision in my life. And I am at a very strange point in my life.
Like Rhaphazard, I am horribly selfish AND horribly selfless at the same time. Another excellent problem in this crazy life.
Concerned UserPosted at 20:30h, 08 March
I was led here by Pick The Brain.
I can’t see anything on this site, except for the comments section.
Is it under construction?
GeorgiePosted at 23:31h, 08 March
What were you looking for? I was just responding to
” Now please, join me and share something about yourself in the comments.
I’d rather not have to do this alone.
Here’s to being you and inspiring others to be them,
kmcrazyPosted at 20:49h, 11 March
hmm, what can I say? Thanks for sharing – it is great to be more open and honest about who we are…
Even though I’ve been working in my industry for 15 years, I still feel like a junior most days – there is just so much to learn out there!
I worry that others won’t appreciate the experience I do have, think I’m an idiot and/or laugh at me behind my back for having started a business
I get way too tied up in the projects I take on – emotionally, so if things don’t pan out, it upsets me
I feel like I should be more concerned or stressed about where things are going, but honestly just take things day by day most of the time
there is likely a lot more I could say, but these are the few I thought most worth mentioning.
ChiaroscuroPosted at 14:02h, 12 March
I admire your honesty. As a documentary filmmaker I have discovered that being open and candid actually makes me make better films.
ChiaroscuroPosted at 14:07h, 12 March
Number 2. My pet hate is 30 (or 31 year olds) commiserating about their age. I didn’t feel old when I was 30. I have just turned 40 (although on a recent freelance job my employer asked me if I was above 25 so I could drive the van on the shoot). I have realised age is more about attitude and energy than numbers. At least this is what I tell myself! 🙂
ChiaroscuroPosted at 14:09h, 12 March
Number 3. I find it difficult to have the same self discipline on my personal filmmaking projects as my freelance projects. This leads to huge self criticism – as these are the projects I am most passionate about.
TonyPosted at 16:05h, 13 March
I used to really struggle in social situations. I was always known as guy who never talked. As a result, I didn’t have a whole lot of friends. It was really hard getting over it but I’m much better now.
aisasamiPosted at 07:38h, 16 March
Scott, thanks for your great post, it’s so honest, open, and personal!
Painfully honest things…
1. I love to freestyle dance. I will just get up and dance if a song I want to dance to pops up on ITunes. I don’t think I am a horrible dancer but I just dance inside my apartment.
2. I loooooooooove to sing though. I sing at anytime, any place (even at public places).
3. I tend to over think things.
3b. Also,I try to do something that I think that person wants from me. For example, I am teacher and I always try to do what I think how my boss wants me to teach.
3bb. I always try to please people, by thinking of what they like, before pleasing myself.
When I do both things, I am usually wrong.
4. I don’t trust people easily. I got hurt in the past when I could instantly people.
5. I have been scared to write because I was really bad with grammar during high school and college..
6. When I fail at something, I get really down and sometimes I feel like I can do nothing anymore.
7.My deadly sin is buying used records, tapes, and CDs from the used shop down the road from my apartment. I just spent $50 this weekend on a lot of great finds. (I do listen to the stuff, make a digital copy on iTunes, and used some it on my music blog.)
8. I love to cook and eat, especially sweets. I make a lot of my meals because I have food allergies and a sensitive stomach, reasons why I can eat out at fast food or chain restaurants that much anymore.
9. The thing I value the most is my intelligence ever since I was a schoolgirl. I always studied hard and got good grades. So, I don’t like people thinking I am either stupid or incapable of doing anything. I might think deeply and differently from someone else.
I am also a visual learner. I have to see something first and then I could learn.
9b. Even if I loved school, I hated math and science. I was more into English (I could express myself), history, music, and foreign languages.
10. I like to study. I feel like it’s my yoga.
11. I still like watching kids shows.
12. I still want to be a singer someday and write songs. (But, I feel just doing this as a hobby because I am not really talented or patient enough to wait for a career break). And, still teach.
13. I really wish I could mend a relationship with a co-worker. We were close until Christmas time when she start talking to me. I tried so hard to meet her demands but it wasn’t enough for her.
14. I am afraid of that I will be forced to live my dad’s expectations if I return to America. I feel like my dad wants me to go into politics (international relationships) and marry a guy who shares the same religious beliefs like my parents. He thinks I don’t earn a lot of money and could earn a lot more in America. He also thinks I am being stubborn about the issue by not looking at the whole picture. I know I only make around $30K a year and huge amounts of debt, but I am not regretting it. I live and work in Japan for different reasons than what my dad thinks.
15. I am broke but that doesn’t stop me from living happily.
Anastasija PilnikovaPosted at 10:58h, 16 March
Amazingly innocent habits – simply natural and human, except for being late…I share this sin too and we must improve, Scott! Because otherwise it is called “stealing people’s time” and I finally understand that it is a huge crime, is it not? 🙂
Manvir DhinsePosted at 12:46h, 17 March
I am really fearful of living a mediocre life
Maria MellanderPosted at 12:18h, 19 March
Hey everyone and thankyou for this. I think this is a great idea. There are many things that I could write and I dont know where to start really.
1. I have spent atleast the 10 last years of my life thinking depressive thoughts – going through the same things over and over again but not getting anywhere really. and instead of changing tactic – trying something else – i have mostly felt sorry for myself and how hard it is to be a human. pretty lame…
2. I do a lot of things to avoid conflicts with my friends. I fear getting into a harsh discussion. I am scared they will like me less i suppose. recently i have started to change my mind about this. I realized that I prefer open and honest people. so my fear was not logical at all. the opposite actually.
3. I constantly worry about calories and weithgaining.
4. I fear attention and blush often, it can be enough that someone looks at me. it makes me feel completely worthless. like I am ashamed of my own person. like I dont believe in myself at all. which is not true! i do.
5. I chose my education for safe reasons, not because of passion. and now i am almost done. two weeks left.
6. something more positive. i have finally – for the first time in my 27 year life found a guy who i really like and care about. we will see how things work out.
well this will have to do for now. Maria
DixiePosted at 00:51h, 21 March
Loved reading the stuff you shared. I related to a lot of it, myself…like procrastinating and the fact that I used to turn cartwheels in the parking lot or wherever after a few too many drinks. LOL!
Share just one thing? Oh, my. There is so much I could say. For now I will share that at age 59 I am every bit as rebellious as I was 40 years ago. I despise my soul-sucking career/job. It is not me. I don’t even believe in most of what I’m doing here. I just somehow got lost and took the wrong path a long time ago. I have known for a long time that I have to find a way to pursue my passions but have stuck this out longer than I can stand, in the interest of paying bills and keeping food on the table. I began months ago, slowly downsizing, paying off debts, and adopting a minimalist attitude. Finding LYL has been a wonderful and timely discovery for me. It helps to know there IS a way and there are others like me, banning together. Yes! Can’t wait to Quit my job and start doing what I can’t NOT do.
LauraPosted at 12:43h, 21 March
Excited to be here! Really helpful to read your list Scott, thanks for sharing. So helpful to have this structure to walk through the process, and these check-ins. Ok so a few of mine : (I tried to be short but hey, I’m a storyteller 😉
1. I am INTENSE, which can look like passion or stubbornness or both – I ask a lot of myself and others, because I really want us all to have the most experience-full and purpose-full life possible – without just settling or becoming resolved to what is – just b/c someone else said so or b/c being human is just too damn tough! This behavior from me can be experienced as wonderful, painful, awkward, hurtful, puzzling, disturbing, enlightening, angering, or liberating, for myself and for others. I do not have all the answers, I don’t know what I am doing or exactly where I am going, but that never stops me from having the conversation!
2. Often LATE. Gotten better but noticed that for certain people, often those I most do not want to be late for, I am. It is kind of a joke among friends, but also lost me friends. I genuinely don’t mean to insult or waste anyones time. It’s hard to understand if you’ve never had the affliction, but it’s like hiccups (which I also get) I can’t help when it happens, figure out why it happens, or stop it. REALLY I try. It just happens – whether I structure my time, set alarms, call to confirm, etc. Sometimes the harder I try, the greater the comedy that ensues to still be late. So I am sure it is something far greater than the clock involved here, and I continue to dig into solving it!
3. No sense of TIME. Causing a multitude of problems, including #2 as noted. Also leads to procrastinating, anxiety, stress, and constantly waking up with that feeling that I didn’t do my homework, won’t have enough time to do it and I am going to get in trouble, and I have never done enough. The upside is periods of intense focus and productivity for some things and downside is missing out on other things – given lots of the world operates according to this thing called a clock and a calendar ;-P Fortunately, I have managed to currently create a life that doesn’t work the 9-5 schedule, but yes, still gets me into trouble. Noticed lately that I am always on time for yoga, but it goes by in a blink! I have also started using time-tracking at work, and that has at least begun to make me more aware of what 30 mins looks like.
4. I read books on the subway and laugh out loud. I don’t know why some people find that strange or inappropriate. But apparently they do. Because they often stare. Or they ask me what the joke is, and I tell them LIFE is funny! Which they also seem to find odd. I also listen intently to the “crazy” guy on the train who spews forth facts from the media because he’s often hilarious (more laughing out loud) and I am fascinated by his selection of the tidbits he finds worthy of remembering. I also laugh out loud at movies at home and at the theater.
5. As long as I can remember, since a child, I wake up every day with a nagging feeling that I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing here on earth. I have done lots of courses, clubs, “cults”, self explorations, etc. in pursuit of my Life’s Purpose and I have always felt a sense of guilt that I am not yet living my “true purpose” – I look at it as “stealing a gift that was given to humanity”. I’m a smart girl, why haven’t I figured it out yet? It’s so important to me, really all that matters. Why haven’t I found the answer to this question? What’s blocking me? I also thought everyone in life was looking for IT and spoke to them as if they knew – which got me a lot of confused looks. I thought, wow, I would have so much free time without this pursuit. Sometimes I wish I could turn it off. But then I ask, why else am I here?
Ok the flood gates opened – but enough for now. I feel a bit liberated ;-D thanks for asking us to share. Reading everyones comments gave me courage and gives me hope – b/c I agree – it is really hard to be human in todays world – but with this kind of company, it just got a whole lot easier!
AmirPosted at 05:47h, 23 March
Thank you Scott for honestly sharing who you truely are. It inspires me
to show the same honsty so this is the story I am going to share with
you and the LYL community. I started playing the guitar at the age of 12
and took classes over 8 years. Ever since besides of playing sheet
music I experimented with the instrument, combining chords and melodies
in new ways, I was composing music. I had very much joy in doing so even
the results weren’t so great, but I had a lot of fun. By the age of 16
we had a band together and we played publicly before a crowd of 100s of
people. We even collected that much money that we could invite all our
friends to pizza and drinks that evening. With the years I started doing
electronic music and more and more wanted to be a musician and earn a
living from it. Adviced by my parents to study something that is somehow
more secure than only music I studied Audio Engineering which had to do
with music but also provided some kind of superficial security as I
finished it with a masters degree in engineering. It allowed me to do
music on the side. For a very long time I was struggling with the
question “Am I musician even if I don’t earn my living from music?”. I went on writing songs and recording them in my home studio
for the last 10 years but I also built a very limiting believe, the
believe that I am still not good enough to share my music with the
world. I was and simply am SCARED! I am scared people could think or say
my music is bad. I am scared people could say my singing is bad. So I
am actually scared of showing that I am vulnerable. But I also realized
that only by showing that I am vulnerable I can truely be me without
playing some role. Also this is the only way to establish an authentic
connection with your audience and also all people surrounding you, by
being you (like you Scott said so beautifully: “being honestly and unapologetically
you.”). So I take a leap of faith and will start to share my music
playing life, on the street, at open mics, I will apply for concert
opportunities. I will apply right now to hold a living room concert at my place also giving other musicians the oportunity to play. I recognize the I allowed fear for far too long to hold me back from living a life I truely want, that doesn’t only look good on the outside but one that feels good on the inside. I am also currrently figuring out what I really want to do with my life
and it just occured to me that helping other musicians in that struggle
and see the grow excites me very much. Thank you Scott for letting me
share one of my stories. Knowing that you and many of the LYL members
are facing the same kind of anxieties and fears helps me alot in facing
my fears and despite of them allows me to take a leap of faith and take a step towards the life I want to live.
Sad MermaidPosted at 08:25h, 23 March
I am really judgemental when it comes to people complaining about things and assume they are not willing or capable to change anything. But there probably have been a lot of times when I did the same and there were people who asked me things and gave me advice rather than just judging me.
just_mePosted at 13:04h, 23 March
My boss sent me a link and is having us all take a look at it and discuss it in our next meeting. I had a free moment and decided to watch you Tedx video. I always enjoy watching the Ted talk videos. Then I saw your 35 painfully honest blog and decided to read it. It was awesome, thank you very much for sharing. I am a single mother of 3 children. My two oldest are special needs. After my divorce I had no clue what I would do to survive and take care of my children. Since I only finished one semester of school so many years ago before marrying and starting my family I realized a 4 year college was too long for me since its not about me anymore. So my dad, being a computer programmer told me to go to school for computers. A 2 year degree…. well i’m done, graduated with a 3.9 GPA highest in my class and I have NO clue what i’m doing. I’m scared its not for me and I can’t go back because my kids need me to provide for them. What I want and what I feel is that I am supposed to be a motivational speaker and change the world, but…. how do I do that and provide for my family?! Fear holds me back and the idea that I MUST make sure my kids are taken care of keep me moving down the rat race road of life. Its not what I want.. I want to spend my summers with my kids, and their spring breaks creating memories. instead they spend the time at their grandparents. 45 minutes away from all of their friends and don’t get to see me because I work so much. I have always wanted to be a writer and inspire others along with speaking. how do I move forward and still provide?
Wilson FerreiraPosted at 13:03h, 24 March
Wow!!! That takes a real human being with a lot of courage and Big Heart to write. I can see we have a lot in common 🙂
Thank you for dispelling the illusion that once we achieve material success all the demons are put to rest. Your sharing reminds me of a quote by Winston Churchill:
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, what counts is the courage to continue”.
Please keep doing what you are doing. Your life is a testament that living for the sake of others is the highest purpose.
JenPosted at 06:22h, 26 March
* I care what people think of me. The wrong people. And I wish I didn’t. I bounce backwards and forwards, feeling stupid and telling myself it doesn’t matter.
* I get anxious and stressed out very easily.
* I procrastinate, and I can be very, very lazy.
* I am also late, often, and it also bugs me! But I haven’t stopped doing it yet. I’m trying.
* I want to be the best, but I hate competition and conflict!
* I wish Harry Potter was real and I could be a witch!
SantiPosted at 10:53h, 26 March
Thanks for shariing
– Siento que no estoy motivado
– Doy vueltas en mi cabeza y no aterrizo nada
– Tengo muchos amigos y conocidos y aun asi con poco, puedo sentirme en confianza
– Tengo politica antigringo
– Se de los dolores y carencias del planeta y de mi pais y aun asi no hago nada
– Sin motivacion y objetivos, el año pasado hice un medio ironman y un maraton
– Siento que no pertenezco a ningun grupo
Lei Lani LuceroPosted at 13:13h, 27 March
Thank you for this. I went into this (reading your post) thinking that I would find some deep, dark, mysterious secrets about you. A lot of what you write rings so true (sometimes a little too close to my own inabilities) and reading about someone else thinking these things are problems (Things I wish you didn’t know – not necessarily problems – sorry) means that we are not alone in feeling this way about ourselves.
Things that are a part of me:
1. I sometimes still care what random strangers think about when they see me laughing.
2. I internally scold myself for worrying about that.
3. I have a hard time finding the line between indifference to others and being confident enough in who I am to not truly worry, without ‘not caring’.
4. I feel like an impostor in my life sometimes. (then I realize that it’s okay to feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, because I usually have at least a CLUE as to what my goals are)
That is enough for now. Thank you for the inspiration for me to continue to embrace my own brand of weirdness, and live my life with honesty (especially with myself) integrity and clarity.
abcBPosted at 13:22h, 30 March
Thank you for the honest post. 🙂 About myself… I was always an early-starter. I matriculated at 16, graduated with my first degree at 19 and being the youngest at work had become part of my identity in a way. I’m 30 now and the thought of starting something new this ‘late in the game’ scares me. For the first time, I feel like I’d be at a disadvantage.
Felecia FullilovePosted at 00:05h, 31 March
1. I don’t feel like a grown up. I have child like tendencies that make me worry that I will never fit in with other adults.
2. I am not good at following through, I have so many thoughts in my head, I end up jumping from task to task.
3. I’m afraid of perpetuating my families poverty chain if I am not successful. I am the first generation to go to college. it is a lot of pressure. I have a mandate to progress my family.
4. My secret passion is singing but I have stage fright. I love it though. And I am awesome at it.
5. I wonder if being a good christian means doing missionary work….. and being in poverty.
6. I am a Disney princess. Really, you can’t convince me otherwise. I don’t care what anyone thinks 🙂
NidsPosted at 07:48h, 05 April
loved it and more, loved you for sharing
Shiri HeffetzPosted at 11:16h, 10 April
Lovely to read, it was shockingly honest. I find the fact you talked about family issues and your personal struggle quite inspiring. At times it is easier to reflect our more successful sides to our pears but hide the darkness deep within the confides of our heads.
1.I’m aspiring to be vegan on any moral level but i consume meat regularly (even though my mother and sister are proper vegan.. )
2.I’m competitive love the heat and i tend to burn others more frequently than i feel comfortable to admit.
3.I have quite an adrenaline addiction on some level, can’t stand a neutral routine for too long..
4.I can be self centered at times and slightly manipulative to others, on the other hand..
5. I value my friends like rare material from another galaxi I know the friends I grew up with will stay close to me for the decades to come.. even though I moved around the globe they always stay in good touch.
6.At times’ I feel like I need others approval, but it contradicts my buddhist cultural values..
7.Love meditating some months I go strong and other weeks I drift away I find it has incredible potential, I would love to delve deep into it.
8.I simply love maths I think it makes the world a better place, I tend to apply it even to random stuff like my alarm cloak would normally be set on a prime number… etc
9.I wish I could be more honest at times, I tend to hold up some thoughts if I feel the listener wouldn’t receive my thoughts too well although its for their best
Happy holiday to you guys at LYL,
One mans triumph is singular, a community’s triumph is eternal
DanPosted at 19:54h, 11 April
Thanks for sharing, most of those things aren’t a big deal to me, no offense, just saying, they sound pretty common.
Here’s 3 for me:
1. I’m exploring being Polyamrous, and am wondering if I need to go back to a Sex related 12 step program.
2. I am 32 and don’t have a successful career.
3. I get paralysis analysis, and wonder if this LYL is another form of it.
Dylan CuskellyPosted at 12:24h, 13 April
Inspiring and deep
I am just a fifteen year old but feel like I am a 25 year old trapped in this body. I relate to my peers like I’m older and more experienced than any of them even if its the contrary and spend my time thinking how I can change the world and educating myself, while they seem to just want to go to the next party or be the most popular or be the first to make a teacher cry ,i help them deal with their problems or motivate them to do something with themselves but I don’t know what to do with myself other than wait until they mature
SantaPosted at 16:32h, 17 April
Thank you! When I read the first one, I immediately started to laugh, because I am exactly the same. And I’ve always been that way. I couldn’t be on time for anything to save my life, and often it has got me in a lot of trouble. I’m trying to do something about it, and I’m improving, but that’s just part of my character, I suppose.
VanessaPosted at 12:10h, 23 April
7,10,12, … a lot of them remind me of myself.
I want to help people and try my best to do so, but I can’t be around others for too long, or I feel like I’m going to explode. One of my friends once said “You’re emphatic and asocial at the same time.”.
Hopefully I’ll find a way doing both, be myself and survive in this extroverted society.
Thanks for your share. I truly believe that it wasn’t easy.
PS: I think you leveled up by writing this 🙂
KathleenPosted at 17:42h, 23 April
1. Thank you for sharing. This helped me in ways I didn’t even expect 😀
2. I’m 22 and I’ve had over 9 different jobs since I began working at 18. Disliked them all!
3. Also well educated when it comes to healthful food products, yet still tend to migrate to the ‘bad stuff.’
4. Wish I could inherit $10,000 or more
Sandra KassatlyPosted at 07:10h, 24 April
Was funny and sweet to watch your videos.
1- I am very clumsy in stressful situations making me impulsive and hurting others around me.
2- As your section 33, I’ve lived for the past year a super challenging phase. I’ve been under a lot of stress and anxiety and created fear and low self confidence.
3- I love buying clothes and sometimes get to greedy.
4- I love eating and also to follow a healthy diet but sometimes find myself failing.
5- I love singing and do it often in my shower.
6- For the last week I’ve started to meditate and I am happy to making part of my habits.
7- I love to travel and explore the world.
8- I’m very sensitive and can cry easily while watching an emotional video.
HuntPosted at 00:56h, 26 April
Oh on some of those points I’m the exact same. (see #13) I’ve tried several different types of jobs and though I try I saw that I wasn’t successful.
Robert CrousePosted at 11:50h, 28 April
1. I am terrified of public speaking, and am very shy… How did I combat this you might ask? I got a job working in a busy hospital on a busy unit as a CCA. This job has forced me to interact with all those around me at the best and often worst of times. I cant stand the feeling before I enter a room full of family members and then take care of this person who means the world to them. I am 25 have been there for three years and this feeling still hits me hard some times, but my experience takes over and I do my job… well I might add 🙂
2. I am a huge procrastinator and always find a way to get something else done before the most important, one of the reasons I am doing this LYL. It is scary so that means its working 🙂
3.I find it very hard to say no to people at work especially, and I push myself to a very high standard while others take advantage of me. As I also detest any form of confrontation I find it very had to talk to people about this issue and still bugs me to this day, I am an easy going guy and that doesn’t help with this problem but with those I am really close with it helps me say no.
That is all I have time for at the moment, although I would like to add, I too love musicals and singing along with those famous movie lines and songs that are for the younger generation. I very much enjoy yoga although I can not do the splits I am relatively flexible and enjoy loosing up. Thanks Scott!
TPosted at 11:54h, 02 May
I don’t do a lot of things in life I’d like to do because I feel I’m not smart enough.
Uzma AltafPosted at 23:03h, 02 May
Bit relieved to see there are so many people like me.
I’m 27 and i feel I’ve been sleep walking all my life, and i suddenly wake up to see how much time I’ve wasted doing things my parents wanted me to do. Trying to make them happy and proud. I’m a doctor now, and they might be proud and happy , but I’m not. I haven’t been myself all these years and may be i don’t even know who i actually am and what i really want. Feel so bad about myself 🙁
AngePosted at 23:07h, 06 May
I don’t do my best more sometimes and tend to sabotage myself.
ScottPosted at 13:49h, 09 May
I hate the fact that I’m gay, I often feel incredible shame and it prevents me from opening up to people and showing them the real me. I don’t come from a religious family, it’s not something I need to hide where I live, but I am a perfectionist and I feel it makes me imperfect. I wish I didn’t care so much about putting up this false image. I’ve managed to come out to most of my friends and my immediate family in the past 5 months, but it still causes me a lot of pain.
Luis VargasPosted at 08:09h, 10 May
Painful authenticity: Sometimes I wish I could have the courage to do so much more for the things that I want. I always think things way too much, and I end up losing confidence in what I need to do, to get whatever I’m shooting for, and because of that, many times I end up losing my chance to do what I wanted in the first place.
c vPosted at 21:28h, 11 May
1. I procrastinate to avoid both success and failure.
2. Pugs brighten my day.
Dana NistorPosted at 06:23h, 12 May
I don’t know how/when to say no
Julia LeighPosted at 10:43h, 12 May
Thanks for the stories. I too am a terrible speller and can procrastinate till the cows come home. I know that I (with a friend) am crating a beautiful little food club, but find doing everything is overwhelming. It doesn’t make me enough money to live on (me and 2 children), so now I need to find work that will pay and preferably be something I enjoy. I think I am coming to the conclusion that the overwhelm of running this club and not knowing my arse from my elbow as to how to do it properly and turn it into everything it could be is the most scary thing I am facing. By the way, feeding the ducks is done all the time on this side of the pond 🙂
Rebecca MayPosted at 06:53h, 13 May
Thanks Scott, these were inspiring :). As for my “thing” ok…..I talk to myself. A lot. I find it very motivating, it pushes me along. I must look like a freak….! I am also queen of procrastinating, but it took me a very long time to figure this out. I seem to work better if I put myself under a little pressure. I used to want to get school assignments weeks beforehand so I could get a head start, then drag them out and wonder why I did so poorly. When I did my MA a few years back, I found it better to leave papers closer to the end, whilst organising and prepping more in the beginning. Funny that….
AnnaPosted at 04:28h, 17 May
I’ve fantasized about living alone on a deserted island.
Millie FreemanPosted at 22:22h, 18 May
That’s a cool thing to do! I am really good at talking myself out of taking action on ideas, so high up on my list would be procrastination and inaction.
Chi LozaPosted at 07:40h, 19 May
Scott, I am almost twice your age and I am okay with it except that I have always been sickly and slow. But if I had the time, I would also do a lot of goofy dancing (and singing!). My sister says I am to blame for my nephews’ brand of humor. I am only too happy to pass on a weird legacy
CPosted at 14:08h, 20 May
I’m afraid of failing and It bothers me that I’m always looking for approval. I don’t feel like I am ever doing a good job.
Stephanie RayPosted at 14:15h, 21 May
This article was amazing and it took a lot of courage! Sooo, onto my authenticity. I’m an extremely anxious person and trying to manage it makes me even more anxious. I’m a very type A, organized person who likes things in order. I’m an optometrist who just became a yoga teacher too. Trying to find my yin side with being so yang is hard. It’s difficult to be hard-wired one way and trying to change that or balance it out the other way. Been struggling with getting comfortable in the uncomfortable for 8 months. Yoga, meditation, and journaling have helped. I’m terrified of sharks! I’m afraid of heights yet love stepping to the edge of a rock on a huge mountain and looking down. Went skydiving after I graduated-terrifying!
KarenPosted at 22:25h, 21 May
I found your talk on Tedx that lead me to your website at a time where I need help to figure out how to move forward. Then, I was tired, being late at night, but saw the link to this and had to read it. You did a brilliant job. We have a few things in common – being late, not knowing what I’m doing most of the time and getting old. I’m 48 – but really feel way younger, but I’m worried that I’ve just been meandering through life instead of trailblazing!
It’s the loss of several people in the last year that has really both scared & motivated me to really seek to create a better way to make my time meaningful. I think your blog has the potential to help me make that happen. Excited to get started!
Sam_2709Posted at 11:16h, 24 May
Thanks for giving an insight into your life.
I am a mechanical engineer with my choice. I am 23 years old male. I am working at a aerospace component manufacturing company since a year and half now. It doesn’t pay me well enough..I feel something is not right what I am doing in my life. I am confused as to what I need to do in the near future.
I am an amateur photographer, it makes me feel alive. I like running , which I do everyday without fail…I want to run a 10k marathon soon.
I dont really know what am I doing with my life…
I ho to work and come back everyday..no time for myself…I work for 8-10 hrs straight and have no satisfaction whatsoever.
Never had a girlfriend in my whole life…no girls at all around until now…that scares me the hell out of me., makes me think I never can have a love in my life.
I m thinking of studying my masters degree in Germany a year from now. Just gave a thought and learning the German language.
This is my situation ….
Don’t know what to do…time is running out everyday…I m not sure what I m gonna do for me and my family….
Joshua NapierPosted at 16:06h, 25 May
Scott, appreciate your openess and honesty. The world needs more of this. More authenticity. People shouldn’t have to afraid of being judged and should express who they are more. That’s all that really matters right? If you can’t be true to you then what’s point in anything you’re doing? I love the message you are spreading and it inspires me. I will continue here at LYL.
Ruby RaePosted at 12:11h, 31 May
This is so awesome! I so appreciate your honesty and it is so inspiring that you put yourself out there in this way. Thank you, thank you, thank you! What a gift.
Okay so for me some authentic things about myself…
1) I’m so terrified of being judged by other people, especially people who I look up to like my parents and my close friends, that I often will hold myself back and I feel this gets in the way of being completely authentic and connecting with the people I love.
2) I really want to travel the world but I am terrified to do it alone, yet part of me kind of wants to do it alone,
3) I’m a bit addicted to my phone and my computer. I swore I wouldn’t become dependent on them, but I totally am and I go back and forth about the ethical and emotional implications of this. I’d like to see what it’s like to live free from them, or at least use them as minimally as possible.
So there are three truths about me! Thank you for the opportunity to share
MarkPosted at 12:47h, 31 May
I’ve struggled with hair loss at an early age and throughout most of my school life. When I was older I tried desperately (and everything) to try and hide it. When I was little, it was most of my hair so I couldn’t hide it and just embraced it. When you get older, it’s too important “how you look” and kids are most critical during high school which made my school years really tough to bear but I made it out alive somehow.
That’s the point, we worry about little things that shouldn’t have any effect on us as long as we’re healthy but society portrays it as “strange” and not normal because you’ll never see someone struggling with hair loss on tv (unless it’s for a Rogaine commercial, which I’ve also tried). You just gotta rise above it and not care, about anything. That was the cure Scott. When I got high anxiety and stress, my hair would start to fall out. So I’ve learned to not sweat the small stuff and learned how to keep my cool and inner peace. You worry about your hair falling out, you add more stress, which makes more hair fall out. It’s a vicious catch 22. There are so many more people that have it worse than you. I think we all just need to be grateful for what we have and who we have in our lives. My family and close friends made get through those tough years and I can’t thank them enough.
I try not to tell anyone about this but you encouraged me to after reading your post. Be true and others will respect you for doing so.
Thanks again Scott, for EVERYTHING!
Marc PraschPosted at 10:40h, 04 June
This was a great read. Thank you for pushing authenticity! One thing about me, I tend to keep secrets or not be fully honest, because I want to control how I am perceived. I censor myself and hold back because I don’t want don’t want people (especially authority figures) to think bad of me.
NiallPosted at 12:05h, 05 June
The stress point I can sympathise with and have suffered from acutely enough that I was hospitalized. The work effort required on something I didn’t love was ridiculous and when the pressure was eased my body took its chance and shut down. After a week of scare and confused results the forced rest and mental clarity changed my expectation and life priorities. Management of my life by me is now a thing I do and life can only be better.
coolcoolboyPosted at 12:56h, 12 June
Scott, I love this movement! Here are some of mine:
1. I am obsessed with the number 11. If I see any number anywhere (a digital clock, a phone number, a zip code, whatever), I will check to see if it is perfectly divisible by 11. I have no idea why.
2. I speak fluent English and French. However lately when I speak French in my native Montreal, people will hear my failing accent and switch to English. Not very flattering.
3. I have a healthy bank account, but cannot resist a good groupon, clearance bin, or warehouse outlet. I buy almost nothing at regular price.
4. As a kid, I used to draw my own original set of superheroes. I doodled them everywhere.
5. I am ambidextrous, but the 2 things that I absolutely cannot do with my left hand are brush my teeth and eat cereal or soup with a spoon.
6. I have terrible road rage. Awful. Just awful.
7. As corny as it sounds, I still get choked up when I see shows like American Idol or Top Chef. Seeing young people follow their passions always gets to me.
8. I enjoy making people guess about my mixed ethnic origin and often mislead them for fun.
9. I have a great fear of falling from heights. Planes and skyscrapers are no problem, but a medium-sized ladder or hopping over a fence terrify me.
10. I have a real green thumb and once grew 200 lb of tomatoes in my garden one summer.
Lynette NdabambiPosted at 08:21h, 13 June
Sounds like you are having a human experience, straight and simple. Thanks for sharing ☺
BlondefrogPosted at 13:20h, 30 June
I’m so worried about disappointing my family by failing that usually I don’t try at all.
Roxann PoirierPosted at 13:31h, 30 June
I feel like I am reading my words here again. I too can not spell to save my life.My husband teases me about and often says things like you can’t say that if you can’t spell it and it hurts my feelings.I have a lot of feeling millions of them. I am often hurt easy.I love people and nature and believe that I live in a beautiful kind world.I am also all or nothing like 3 hours a day working out 3 liters of water and tons of veggies.Or take out 6 cans of Pepsi and sweets for breakfast.I am always late and always forgetting stuff.I hate it it hurts the people I care about,but I try to do better. That’s me.
AJ DavidsonPosted at 07:14h, 06 July
I’m torn between my love for humanity and my hatred for the same…
Sam NazaretyanPosted at 11:32h, 06 July
Thank you for the post, I admire the honesty. Here are a few things about me that people don’t know:
1. I fell in love with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (no-gi, primarily) a year ago, and want to continue practicing it for the rest of my life. I can’t explain it fully, but, something about it is therapeutic – it really helped me get through the rough patches in my life. I hope to teach a beginner’s class or a women’s self-defense class once I am experienced enough.
2. I am religiously 10 minutes late to everything…. until recently. This has been an on going struggle for a lonnngg time, and I recently decided to do something about it. Honestly, I don’t even know why it has happens. I am prepared to go somewhere way ahead of time, but, I decide to procrastinate and wait to the last second before I leave, and usually am late due to traffic / not being able to find parking. This is self-sabotaging behavior that I am fixing, because it has created way too many bad first impressions.
3. My father and I have a horrible relationship, which blows, especially since he is the only parent I have left after my mom passed away a year ago. I have learned to accept that certain things are out of my control, and I can’t change him unless he wants to change himself and learn to communicate like an adult. So, I am making the best out of what I have left. Hopefully, my patience isn’t taken for granted, or worse… for weakness.
4. I believe in God, but am losing my faith in church and religion. It is difficult to see people preach one thing, and then turn around and do the complete opposite. Quite frankly, I prefer my personal relationship with God.
5. I am at a standstill in life, and am not sure what my true calling is. It scares the living Hell out of me. Because the last thing I want to end up is like my father…. suffering everyday going to work which he hates because it’s the “right thing to do”. So, I am being as proactive as I can and involving myself in as many things that interest me and surrounding myself with people that already do those things. Fingers crossed that I figure this out, because I would hate to see my own potential wasted.
MarkHeiterPosted at 17:58h, 12 September
I relate to most of the experiences that you’re going through.
1) Most people do not know that I did not speak to my father for a year after my mom passed away. I also did not talk to most of my family, very few of my friends and I even cut off everything with my longterm girlfriend for no damn reason.
2)No one knows that I have come to realize that I tend to chase for the love of the one’s that are not good for me. In this case, this was people like my father, certain family members, and friends.
I found out that I was responsible and in control of cutting out the people in my life who loved me and cared for me. In this case, this was my girlfriend and a few friends in particular. Funny how we want what we can’t have and don’t want what we have, right?
3)No one but my girlfriend and I knew of how much of a coward I was that year after my mom passed. Everyone else thought something was wrong with her or “us”- it was all me. I carried the biggest front (in which always has an end). I regret a lot with how I treated her or rather, “dropped her”.
4)Most people do not know that it took me a year after my mom passing to man up and realize who is worth putting energy to and who is not. To be frank, I love my dad. There are things that my dad can give to me and even more that he can’t give to me. I have accepted this. I have learned from the love and pain he has caused me. I thought it ruined me. I now cannot wait for the day I have children and to give them the love I missed out on. It is a blessing.
Positive secrets of mine—
1)The people who have told you they care about you and will always be there for you are not lying. It took me a year to realize that I pushed away my best friend- my ex. After a year of silence I grew a pair to reach out to her. Which was the hardest thing to do. I felt ashamed and embarrassed to apologize for my foolish actions. I treated her like how my father treated me. “You always hurt the ones you love”, right? She was there for me after a year of cutting her off just like she was when we first met and when my mom was ill. The people who forgive you are the people who geniunely care for you. What I learned- If you pushed away people like this in the past- don’t be afraid to reach out. Most likely, they have probably been waiting for you to do so. Now she’s my fiancé.
2)I was lost with my passion and career choice. I was 23. What I found out is that no one in their early and mid 20’s knows who the hell they are or what their passion is. If they say they do know their passion and know who they are- one day when they’re 30, or even 40- that will change. Everyone is due for some type of struggle with themselves, whether that be a quarter or mid life crisis. I found the more you obsesse over this- the more confusing it gets. If you believe in success and happiness for yourself and are grateful each day- it will slowly happen and one day you will wake up and remember when you felt down and realize how far you have come.
Life is too short. Don’t hurt the people who have always been there for you and if you believe you deserve happiness and success-it will happen. Peace.
AlexPosted at 05:16h, 09 July
Scott, I have a lot of respect for you posting all of that. None of it is anything to be ashamed of and I honestly can relate to 95% of those things. Haha, I still have trouble dealing with, being a 20 year old male, and being a big Tswift and Justin Beiber fan, and not knowing much of Pink Floyd or the Beatles. Learning to cope with it (: Much respect, Alex
Me TooPosted at 18:51h, 09 July
Something about me? Hmmm I am still wondering what it is you do…other than handstands and have a really awesome life; and this is wondering is in the most positive sense. Thanks for sharing.
DepestoPosted at 00:40h, 10 July
Wow, excellent Scott. There was several aspects I think many of us experience and most of all, me. Thank you for that. This is extremely stressful for me to divulge what I have to say — it’s so over the top. I have to omit any instances of the idea from my business image. I hate chasing the cover. I am in a “ground-zero void” and socially paralyzed. I have not a clue how this can be possibly fixed. This is the first time divulging this in such a forum.
I’m a 62 year old semi retired filmmaker. I have all the usual suspects; anxiety, depression, adhd and now my therapist tells me bipolar mood disorder in which, she is right. My work references evaporated, my last job as art director for a news organization spiraled into a complete apocalyptic disaster and eventually led to lost and homeless with ptsd. That was eight years ago and I have done a lot to fix most of those issues. I’m in a much better place these days but I am nowhere I should or want to be. I haven’t mentioned yet what I am afraid to tell people but I’m told this is the time if there ever was.
Growing up and until just the recent past, mentioning that I am a transgender female resulted in a lot of negative backlash, rejection and sometimes just sheer brutality. Being what I am is really nothing special. I just wish everyone else would get that. When it comes to talking about myself (or networking) sooner or later, the discussion will surface. They go hand in hand. Essentially, it’s an awkward situation that rises right from the start of trying to build a relationship. My view is, it’s nobody’s business and I should just ignore that aspect of myself. My gender has no relevance in my work but in the real world, not so much. So I am here trying to forge a new career in a world where transparency rules.
Obviously I have spent too much time here for now. I don’t know if posting this is going to be of any real advantage to make change for the better or just a cathartic exercise of outing myself. One thing is true — I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t take Scotts concepts and ideas seriously. Good luck everyone 🙂
SaraPosted at 22:32h, 12 July
Scott! I have been thinking about writing a blog/book about just this. Opening up, completely. Sharing my flaws, worries, doubts. Because as confident, and grounded, and rational as I can be, its more so who I have attempted to be over the years. We are all in this together. There are a million things that make me me, but some of the ones I have always kept to myself, include, but are not limited to: having OCD as a child, being a huge hypochondriac to the point that my parents brought me to a therapist in grade school, beginning to masterbate at a young age, all the way to sometimes feeling like the worst person in the world, or a horrible person for having greedy, unkind, or sexual thoughts. There are a million other things, that many of us probably do not normally talk about together. But the minute one person does, it allows others to do the same. So thank you for that. It gives me that much more confidence to move forward with my hopes and dreams.
dark3coPosted at 21:04h, 17 July
1. I am NEVER bored. In fact, I can never find the time to do all the things I want to do.
2. I am obsessed with health, but struggle with pressure from my parents and friends to eat junk food.
3. I always get nervous about social interactions and public speaking, but I am extremely satisfied when I do those things.
TdoorPosted at 06:59h, 18 July
Hi Scott, thank you once again for being such a real help to so many people. The way you encourage everybody to become involved is wonderful and inspiring, and though you likely will never read this or many of the other comments out here, I thank you whole heartedly for all that you do.
To add to this collection or facts, I often find myself constantly thinking about something, and though I can stop I often choose not to as I just love being able to toy with ideas and discussion with myself. It’s quite peculiar thinking about that now.
I also quite dislike small talk and find social situations with multiple people quite mentally exhausting. Though I consider myself quite charismatic, I much prefer one on one conversations as they tend to be more interesting and less false.
Anyway, to everyone reading this, I hope you have a genuinely fantastic wonderfully enjoyable pleasant day! 🙂
Linda BombePosted at 10:58h, 18 July
Thank you for sharing! It made me realize how much I hide all those things in my life. Being authentically me is something I am working on. I am finding out it is hard to find out who that person is since I have been hiding her for so long. I used to think that one of my strengths was that I was such a Chameleon (yes, I had to look up the spelling and still use spellcheck!), I could fit in with anyone. I realize now what a disservice that has been for me.
Remo RamPosted at 07:50h, 21 July
1. I am a kind of stubborn too , which makes my closest people to get bad impression on me .
2. I love to do what i really like ,not for the sake of any relation . So my surrounding fears about my behaviour
3. I am bad in my communication in english which leads me to a jobless person.
KristinePosted at 17:27h, 21 July
Scott, thanks for being transparent. I struggle with perfectionism. If I don’t think I will be able to do something nearly flawlessly, I often don’t even try. I also, similarly to you, feel small amidst people who appear to be doing big things around me. I too, often feel rushed, and am terrified of getting old!
I enjoyed the video clip of your wedding, thanks for sharing!Very sweet.????
Dade Felix ThomasPosted at 20:20h, 26 July
It’s so refreshing to know you have this great thing you have built but still all these personal things you are working on which is scary to talk about.
I’m also ALL IN or ALL OUT when it comes to doing things.
I have two things I have rarely shared.
1.i have yet to make a decision for myself and I’m 34. I’m always seeking someone else’s advice AND/OR approval.
2. I have a crippling fear I’ll die before i can achieve anything.
This is the first I’ve actually followed through on my own decision. It’s absolutely terrifying but I’m doing it anyway.
Clint ReedPosted at 08:37h, 28 July
I have been my worst critic of my actions and judge myself to unreachable levels.
ElizabethPosted at 13:26h, 29 July
There were a few things that you listed that I am guilty of as well. Particularly, 9, 16, 18, and 26. As far as my contribution:
I dislike confrontation to the point that I will do almost anything to avoid it. In fact, I’ve ended up in some very bad situations usually involving financial strains due to it.
OfosuaPosted at 04:57h, 01 August
I love to sleep in till way into the morning (or afternoon) and I love staying up late too. However, culturally, especially where I live, waking up late consistently is a sign of extreme laziness and not being purposeful, even more so as a woman.
So that’s one thing a lot of people don’t know about me… and maybe because many see me as principled, dutiful and full of energy they wouldn’t assume so either.
Saying this, I just can’t help but feel awkward.
Georgie RussellPosted at 09:23h, 03 August
Thanks for sharing, I also love Taylor Swift and girly movies …. If you love Christina Aguilera you should check out Burlesque… Lets be honest- you probably already haveHa ha.
Health is a big passion of mine but then again so is eating but slowly i am improving.
While alot of people tell me about how well presented I am when i go out, the first thing I do when i get home is get into the comfiest and not so good looking outfit!!
AnanyaPosted at 13:56h, 03 August
I have participated in LYL for a couple weeks, however, I still don’t know what my passion is.
Becky DimondPosted at 12:26h, 07 August
I have spent my whole life doing all “the right things” (fancy college, high-paying job, etc.), and now I’m realizing that I don’t have a clue what I actually want to do with my life. (I guess that’s not a super unique predicament around here.) I have a pretty awesome life almost by accident, but I feel like I’m missing something important. I am a chemical engineer, a yogini, a belly dancer, and a pole dancer. I make jewelry, knit, and generally have more hobbies than I can keep up with. I love to learn new things, which often leads me to dabble and only scratch the surface of any projects I start. This coupled with perfectionist procrastination leads to a lot of things being left unfinished.
fuzzballPosted at 22:11h, 16 August
I came to know of this blog after having watched your TED video. I truly feel what you are doing is tremendous, and would definitely want to hear more from you. Thanks for sharing your quirky, brutal and random facts about yourself. So, about me:
* I always feel that I am not, and never will be as good as my sister (she achieved so much and is not even out of school).
* I fear a life that will be just as mediocre as the women in my family – no ambition, no goals, never known for who you are, never did something they loved doing and were brilliant at, and always someone’s daughter or wife only. My mum could have been amazing, but the family are like crabs – if I can’t reach anywhere, no one can.
* I always stop doing something I am interested in the moment someone in my family (usually my dad – he’s not a bad guy, just cannot empathize with me I guess) comes to know about it. And then I have to listen to why I was, and never will be successful.
* I am crazy about books. i have been known to complete a 1000 page book in a day (I basically do nothing else).
* I prefer ordering books according to their height in a bookshelf. I have to go and correct it in places where I don’t see that norm being followed. Sometimes I control myself, as it would not go well with others.
* Not as close with my friends as I would prefer to be.
AweinzetlPosted at 21:14h, 27 August
Hey everyone, I’ll be vulnerable here. I am in a really tough place of life for the moment and I honestly have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing. I’ve made some mistakes in the past and I struggle with trusting myself and my emotions. I’m trying to work at it and get there but at this point I’m just a little lost. I do know this will pass, but for the moment, it’s pretty tough.
Thien NguyenPosted at 17:09h, 13 October
Hey, friend. I completely understand. I am in a scary transition stage in my life, moving from grad school to career (what an ugly word). My emotional issues and poor life decisions still haunt me to this day and have hindered my true ambitions and my true self. It is the pain of growth facing ourselves when we are challenged. But, I believe this too shall pass.
Nigel J. LysaghtPosted at 12:32h, 10 September
I identify BIG TIME with #29 and #33.
I have embraced my teenage girl like love of music. It’s a part of me. And it’s funny.
Laughing at myself is invaluable.
When I was 18 my father passed away suddenly. He died in my arms and although it was almost 11 years ago, I am still coming to terms with the effects of that trauma.
I am petrified of stress and have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks.
Fear of fear ruled my life. It drove me to self medicate and live a life I am not proud of.
Through God’s grace, the help of others, meditation, prayer and a program of recovery that included community building; personal accountability and professional help. I no longer suffer from it. I manage it.
Thank you for you Honesty, openness, Humility and willingness to share
Peace and God bless,
MarkHeiterPosted at 18:09h, 12 September
Great post, man. This gives a lot of people comfort. We are not alone in our suffering.
A Tribute to a Legendary Maker and Shaker | LivOneDayPosted at 23:20h, 19 September
[…] once listed some interesting facts about himself to show his true authenticity. One fact is that he likes to do handstands when the […]
Vulnerability 101: Inspiration and Tribute to LYL Creator Scott Dinsmore | Calm Chicago:Posted at 14:34h, 20 September
[…] I read this in the comments from a guy named Matt, in response to Scott Dinsmore’s post titled, “Painful Authenticity: 35 Honest Personal Stories, Fears &… […]
Sunil PanchalPosted at 03:25h, 21 September
Thanks for sharing Scott. You’re truly an inspiring guy, and I love your authenticity! I think you’re right this is one of the biggest things you can do for yourself and for others. I think we have the same musical tastes 🙂 I’m 45, and love a bit of cheesy pop. I used to be embarrassed about it, but not any more. I also an moved to tears quite easily. These days I am more and more comfortable in my own skin and just let it all hang out. Which I think gives others permission to do the same. Much love. Sunil 🙂
PaoloPosted at 06:48h, 21 September
I just joined the LYL community and this is the first article I read. The humanity in it has confirmed the will to be part of it, be engaged and strive to be who I really am. I’m still working on it and have so much to do but thanks to your inspiring TED Talk, Scott, I’ve found strength to carry on.
Here’s a fact about me: I haven’t had a regular income for the past 3 years and that scares me immensely. I’m 26 and used to be a professional volleyball player and had a nice income for the years I played, but after that I have struggled to find a job that truly satisfies me and have quit each one as soon as I realize that’s not taking me where I want to be.
BilalPosted at 22:45h, 21 September
Thank you for sharing this post.
I am a person who is confused at every point of life. Have a ton of interests and can’t figure out which way to go and choose the easy way out instead.
I am extremely scared to disappoint my parents even though our relationship is extremely sour at the moment.
I believe in spiritual practices while many people don’t believe so, therefore, I don’t share it with anyone because I fear judgement.
I have had thoughts of suicide many times in my life, however, I don’t anymore.
I experiment with drugs often. LSD and MDMA has alleviated my depression and given me a different perspective on life.
I just want a simple life, to be surrounded by nature, music and books. I don’t want to live a life fearing money, judgement and death anymore.
TimPosted at 14:51h, 22 September
Thanks for Sharing 🙂 I have battled with depression a lot in the past year and came pretty close to ending it all about a month and a half ago. I wasn’t taking advantage of my great friends and wonderful mother to help me get through it, and it got pretty dark for a while. Now i’m feeling way better about things after watching some inspirational stuff, and TED talks, that’s how I found LYL, and am looking to get things started so I can get out of this phase of my life and onto one more fulfilling for my self.
Thien NguyenPosted at 17:02h, 13 October
Hey Tim. I am right there with you, brother. I don’t know why, but 2015 was rough. I looked to theminimalists.com, CBT, and then found LYL. Life feels much better now!
WilliamPosted at 14:37h, 23 September
Wow a really inspiring article!
1. Oftentimes I don’t know what to talk about with people which makes me think I’m a boring person
2. I have felt depressed ever since I have been a child
4. I’m afraid of living a mediocre 9 to 5 life
5. I don’t have many friends
A really great site with so much positivity, love it!
Joel HendersonPosted at 21:20h, 23 September
I’m a big nerd.
I love movie scores, reading comic books and there was a time in my life when I actually thought about going to clown college.
Soften into the Pain « Positively PositivePosted at 03:07h, 24 September
[…] After a day we spent together in the meditation garden at Green Gulch Zen Center, Scott wrote this fiercely brave blog post to reveal vulnerable details about himself as a way to inspire others to live authentically. He […]
KerryPosted at 09:30h, 24 September
So, what to add, ok here goes – my brutal honets disclosure of the real me :
I am way too paranoid, too often. I try not to be but too often, if I don’t get some reassurance, I just think that everyone else is fine and I’m just out there on the ‘outside’. Happens socially and at work. I know it’s s&^t. I know I’m fine but I really struggle to squash that feeling.
TracyPosted at 19:17h, 25 September
Love you always Scott for just this very reason..you are you and not afraid to share your real self.
TracyPosted at 19:19h, 25 September
Rest In Paradise Scott, you are and will always be here on this planet inspirit!
DorenePosted at 08:08h, 26 September
Miss you Scott, so happy I read this again today, these are the things that made you real, genuine and unapologetically you.
Michael QuituguaPosted at 21:44h, 26 September
It is my 4th year in college and I have no idea what kind of career I want. I’m slowly finding myself but I’m scared not knowing.
MarenPosted at 08:02h, 01 October
I am a scientist and energy worker at the same time.
I am more into the rumble with darkness and shadow work.
I am the first to dance and no I don’t drink.
KristenPosted at 05:02h, 05 October
I have almost 1000 selfies on my phone and I have only had it for 5 months. I have tried to delete some of them but I always find a reason to keep them.
Corinna FultonPosted at 17:20h, 07 October
Thank you for sharing your awesome light….one of my issues is that I cry when I get really angry and it’s really hard to get people to take you seriously when you’re blubbering. I’m sorry I never had a chance to meet you. RIP.
SandraPosted at 06:00h, 08 October
RIP Scott. Thoughts are with your family and friends. Great post. I am happy with my life now. I eat well, sleep well and have a great husband, great kid and a nice job. What I’m not satisfied with is my finances. I’d like to travel more and see more but that is not possible at the moment. I am afraid that if I wait until “retirement” (I’m 48) it will be too late. I’ve seen people wait and wait and then not be able to do those things they want to do.
I’ve been searching for other ways to make additional income such as writing and publishing an ebook for kids and sewing lingerie for ladies (sewing is one of my hobbies/obsessions).
I am afraid of putting myself out there.
I don’t like people to know I sew- it’s weird. When someone compliments me on something I make (usually at work) it makes me feel embarrassed. I guess I feel like the garment needs to be perfect and not homemade looking.
I see people posting on FB with their friends and I have twinges of jealousy. I have friends and good relationships but sometimes I’d rather be sewing that out with them.
VirginiePosted at 08:15h, 08 October
I really have trouble estimating how long things take. So I end up being late and constantly putting too luch on my plate…
Marci FisherPosted at 10:20h, 10 October
As a young woman, I was an intense, driven, judgmental, impatient, demanding perfectionist who paid way too much attention to detail. One day, I paid some attention to myself and decided that I didn’t like being an intense, driven, judgmental, impatient, demanding perfectionist. Wanting to be a different person, I read self-help books and went to personal development workshops. I started doing yoga and learned about being in the present moment. Today, I am a 54-year-old recovering perfectionist still working toward being the best “ME” I can be. I am passionate about being passionate but sometimes fear kicks in and squelches my passion. I want to overcome that fear.
Captain hook-edPosted at 19:05h, 11 October
Honestly, being honest was one of the most difficult things for me, because I spent a fair amount of my live afraid of what people might think of me if they found out I was gay.
I can tell you now that being who you really are, all the time, as you said, is the best way to success and also to sorround yourself with people that matter. Being “the real me” allowed to meet a lot of interesting, inspiring people and most important people who really cared.
awPosted at 21:28h, 11 October
I didn’t know who you were until you died. It’s like the force you held within, spread out. I’m sure it radiated from your center but one would have to be close enough to feel it. I am not afraid of getting old, so much as I am afraid of having nothing. I am afraid to leave my children because I want to watch them grow. They are my passion, one which doesn’t pay the bills. So while I have their love, I can’t actually pay the rent. That inability to provide financially is a very helpless and erosive feeling – the inability to see a clear path, paralytic. Already too much time has been wasted – so many failures, yet no monetary success. I don’t know who reads these now, this legacy you built, pre-programed emails. Handy toolkit. Faith.
LuciPosted at 06:02h, 12 October
I am scared by all the achievement in the world……………makes me feel left behind………’cos I can’t compete!
DawnPosted at 13:05h, 12 October
I cannot get myself to do the things I need to do to advance my business. I should be doing a proposal right now. Instead I’m reading this blog and responding to it. I feel like I’m so slow at everything. Everything takes me longer than it should and that’s without the procrastinating.And I’m constantly late for everything. it causes me stress and anxiety and yet I can’t seem to get anywhere in a reasonable time frame.. And I ‘m scared all the time!
Mimoza Cena-SokoliPosted at 14:38h, 12 October
That was such a good read. Love it! So sad that Scott is no longer with us.
I, too, feel very small when compared to my very successful friends and it’s a feeling i hate. I also hate that i can’t stop comparing myself (mainly work success) to ours.
Sarah ElizabethPosted at 20:02h, 12 October
I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for my business for a long time, but have struggled to move forward thinking I had to portray an impossible ideal. I know my life isn’t all that shiny and inspiring, and that’s stopped me from starting for far too long. No more! What a relief to give myself the gift of acceptance.
TraceyPosted at 22:34h, 12 October
Hi Scott, I am learning a lot about myself from your strategies and techniques you have given me to try out. I am grateful that I joined your network. Lately, I started my own blog because I felt so humiliated after my Honour’s supervisor and the Coordinator asked me to drop my honour’s program which I was over the moon to completing with all the dreams you can imagine that I had going on in my head. I thought the blog will help to write explicitly about things I love doing and the things that I can do to help others. However, my blog is kinda stagnant at the moment after I started it. I don’t know why? But I was very upset that I could not be mentored to write up my thesis. And anyway, the project I was working on was my supervisor’s data so I felt I had no control or ownership over it. I just had to let it go. I hope that one day my dream of writing academically will one day come to pass and that I can continue the perseverance I have in doing research and to write academically.
I also hope my blog will progress after I finish my study. This is because I will have all the time to spend working on my blog. Finally, I am currently looking for a good job that I will love doing and that I can help others that I am going to work with in future. The hints that Scott provides for me has helped me to gradually get to know myself better. Many thanks to you Scott.
AnaPosted at 03:49h, 13 October
I’ve been afraid of everything most of my life,
Justine RensPosted at 10:25h, 13 October
Thanks for sharing this Scott.
1. I am really bad at getting things done. I procrastinate like crazy and can only move myself to do something when another person is counting on the results (and even then, I’ll only start at the very last minute).
2. I’m afraid that every passion I find, will bore me after a while.
Thien NguyenPosted at 17:16h, 13 October
Scott, wherever you are in the ether, I believe you found a way to live a great life, and tragically passing away doing one of the things you love was no surprise. Thank you, and thank you LYL team, for making this a real movement.
Ok, here’s a fact about me: I still let childhood wounds rob me of my self-esteem, and that is probably the sole reason why I am not at my full potential. I could be a greater contributor to society if I only believed in myself completely.
Dianna DuFore McClainPosted at 21:38h, 13 October
Nice..I am glad I got to know you through your writings. I believe what you said about being yourself. It is much easier to go through life being you, than pretending to be something your not. My family and friend love me through the good and bad. I love life, there is nothing about life I don’t like. I believe you have good and bad and it is all about your attitude. I never stress out about the bad and never get too excited over the good. I take it all in stride. I am such a relaxed person. I am compassionate. When people speak no matter what they talk about I put myself in their story. I like to feel and see myself where they are and walk through there joys and sadness in my mind. There is only one thing in this world that matters and that is LOVE, Who you love and who loves you. It is so easy to love, even the worst people have a lovable side. Keep inspiring people. I just went through a 35 year marriage, left my job in Chicago, but I am inspired. I love my x husband, and wish him happiness. He is a great guy, he was my inspiration. My plan now is to travel the USA and stop at all the soup kitchens and help the homeless and less fortunate. Camp under the big beautiful sky. I may hike the Appalachian, Pacific Crest, Oregon Trail take some time to feel the emotions. It is the first time in my life that I feel a need to hike and have time with God. Thanks for hearing my story.
LizPosted at 09:45h, 14 October
I live in fear of failing. At everything – relationships, new experiences, just anything and everything. I have a low tolerance for some types of people, but I try every day to be more accepting and caring towards them, and everyone else I know or meet. I love learning about everything, from computer programming to history, and I’ll read anything anyone throws in front of me.
Ashley OldacrePosted at 23:39h, 18 October
Thank you for sharing. Not once, in any of your stories, did I ever judge you or think less of you. If anything, as you hoped it would do, it made you more real and more relatable. Your stories resonate with many others’ stories, and I hope that in sharing them you gained some peace of mind in knowing that these stories connect you and bring you closer to people, rather than alienate you, like we usually fear will happen when we share something so private. Here are mine:
1. I am driven by anxiety most of the time and I always worry about what others are thinking of me.
2. I always worry about being big and taking up too much space, either physically or in a conversation.
3. I too feel small when I am around friends and family members who are inspirational, and fight back feelings of jealousy when I see them being successful. Although, I have managed that by bringing in love, forgiveness and compassion in the past few years and focusing on my own goals.
4. I pick my nose in public. I’ve been told to stop. I try!
TellyhhPosted at 02:37h, 19 October
I always agree on authenticity and I hope I would really fruitful as you mentioned.
I am a salesperson, but I am struggling to lie and even want to learn how to do avoid lying but still do sales job outstandingly.
I cannot agree more about what you said many people masked by a huge coat of bullsh*t. I always tried to be authentic, but sometimes people may look down on me.
I finally found someone who also afraid of dark blue because of Jaws movie! and I got underestimated because I cried
I also do extreme, during my university time, I always feel anxious & studied in toilet in order to save time the walking distance to go to library, to find full of occupied seat, or to avoid any teasing of being hardworking
I feel very difficult to have confidence remind but I because of your LYL, I tried to remind myself of my achievements which I always forget. I studied in world top 50 university, I work in oil & gas industry, and I have an online business.
BisquePosted at 05:22h, 25 October
A lot of times, when I think of writing an article or starting a business, my mind goes straight to thinking that no one will like the article that I write or that my business my help no one. I know that I have to get past that but it is not easy.
Piet StrydomPosted at 16:49h, 03 November
I am also a worrier, and it just creates unnecessary stress. Working on it, some days are better than others.
How to find work you love - Thank God It's MondayPosted at 02:07h, 16 November
[…] find the work you love and create a life that you can be really passionate about. In this Ted talk (for which he was deadly nervous), he explains why you first have to know what you are looking for before you’re able to find […]
AnnaPosted at 03:42h, 26 November
Hey you! Awesome reading, and maybe I can teach you something in return for all what you have given me?
You know, point 27. I might not be an animal activist, but I do love our planet and I’m sure you do too that’s why I couldnt stop myself from writing to you. (I normally never comment on blogs massive as yours..)
But anyway, feeding ducks with bread, even though is a massively strong tradition in our cultures, is bad for the ducks.
I mean REALLY bad.
Bread had very few nutritions to ducks, meaning they often get overfed, and under nurtured on the same time. This weakens their immune system and they get more prone to diseases. Bread in the water can intoxicate the water due to the high level of bacteria that enters with the bread making the levels of algea to high and incourage rats and other smaller animals into the home of the ducks. Where they normally dont hang around. They can get deformed wings due to malnutrition so that they cannot fly, and, on top of that, left over bread in the water, breeds the bacteria making the ducks even more sick. Simply by being in the water.
Point is, there can be no change without education, hence the long comment that I hope that you or your team reads.
But don’t stop your lovely tradition, just cut the portions smaller and swap it to a healthier choice like proper birdfood full of nutrition from the local animal stores instead, so that both you and the ducks can get happy from your generosity.
Anna from Sweden
Brendan T. KellyPosted at 10:25h, 07 December
Well said and thank you for sharing. For me……….
1) I get very emotional at cheesy happy endings (Disney movies, Hallmark movies, ect..)
2) I have to hold back the tears when our National Anthem plays.
3) I love shopping & clothes!!!!
4) I am learning to live with and deal with my PTSD and Anxiety.
5) I am one hell of a cook!!
I’ll stop here for now. Enjoy
DevyaniPosted at 10:30h, 07 December
Thank you for giving this power to share what I would never share with anyone..
1. I always think that m under performing.
2. I get scared of getting judged
3. I fear failure
4. I feel that m prisoned when m around family and friends due to their so called rational thinking
5 most important of all I feel m living life without purpose .M just running in day to day course but without any vision and mission to achieve
OurGalFridayPosted at 10:31h, 07 December
I think this list is great. I appreciate Scott’s honestly. Here’s one of mine: I write fanfiction. I write some nonfiction professionally, but I don’t see myself as a writer of fiction. I used to write stories a lot as a kid, until I was in junior high school, when a friend told me my stories were fairy tale-ish. That pretty much put an end to my forays into fiction, and the few times I’d try were awful. I’m middle-aged now, but a couple of years ago, I started posting fanfiction. I can’t say it’s good, but for the first time, I’m starting to feel good about writing fiction, and maybe with practice, I’ll feel comfortable writing fiction again.
Tarun MehtaPosted at 10:53h, 07 December
I wish i could take the live your legend concept and idealogy to each and every home in India and make them follow it.
Martin KunzPosted at 11:32h, 07 December
Told my boss I could not attend his 10 minute meeting.
Also mentioned that his 10 minute meetings turn into an hour long ordeal.
I finally drew a line in the sand. Best day so far!
JHitchcockPosted at 12:22h, 07 December
Thank you for sharing and providing this forum for uncomfortable honesty. As I work on allowing myself to express my genuine self and inspire other to do the same, I’ve taken a rather hard look at how my behavior might actually be standing in my own way and I’ve discovered something that I think even some of the people closest to me would be surprised to hear: I’m more afraid that I might succeed than I am that I might fail. I understand failure, I’ve lived through the consequences on more than one occasion ; but success, real success, the kind of success that puts me in the spotlight, frankly scares the heck out of me. Recognizing this and guarding against self-sabotage is a daily struggle and even with that recognition, I sometimes fail to protect myself from me.
NikPosted at 12:45h, 07 December
I want to travel as a job
Cheryl CollatzPosted at 13:03h, 07 December
It takes guts to bare yourself to the public. It’s not easy to share your soul with the community that you’ve been such a big part of, and probably couldn’t imagine losing. I just want to say that I appreciate your openness and honesty. I’m struggling with this exact thing – authenticity – in my life and my community right now. I have not been fully myself in my professional choices or with my family. I don’t believe they will be as receptive as this community has been to you. But I hope I’m wrong. I hope one day I can be as brave as you have been. The two biggest things weighing on me, that I haven’t been able to share with my community are:
1. I want to be a musician and a composer, not a Psychologist (what I’m in Grad School to become)
2. I don’t want to be a part of my family’s religion anymore; I have my own beliefs but I don’t want to lose the approval of my family and close family friends, or lose the great professional opportunities that come along with being in their good graces.
3. I’m scared as hell of being abandoned by my family and community. I don’t know what I’d do if they decided I couldn’t not be a part of them anymore.
A.man.Posted at 13:15h, 07 December
I have a profession not suited to me or my national talents, I just can`t keep up with it. I have had it for 15 years, along with anxiety and occasional depression. I have a problem connecting with my emotions and am afraid and desperate of building a career I like and can handle with my low stress tolerance and sensitivity. I have a fear I can not provide for my family in the future and it takes too long to learn for a career change in my early thirties and if I do, I wont succeed because I am too slow and disorganised and it takes too much time and I will be too old and sick to do it properly.
MikePosted at 13:21h, 07 December
I have huge difficulties self motivating.
nielmalanPosted at 15:27h, 07 December
1. My lack of clearly stated values lead me into an abusive relationship.
2. I lost a lot of weight and looked really good, but I picked it up again.
3. I’ve been working on my PhD for ten years now.
christianPosted at 15:53h, 07 December
Really! Not such a bid deal, you look pretty normal to me. I am confused and feel that I am not good enough and I let people feel superior, that’s my hangup. I also feel that I need a coach like to go to the gym or I won’t be able to keep trying hard. That type of things. I also have something about money where I can’t figure out why I am not attracted to make money. I know about money and accounting and bookkeeping and all but I am a pussy when it comes to money and asking for it for what I do. I think it has to do with feeling insecure sometimes.
Anyway, thanks for sharing and for the opportunity to share.
KimPosted at 16:22h, 07 December
A wonderfully authentic and openly vulnerable list. Looks like Scott received a lot support from of it.
I, on the other hand, have NEVER received any support after the few times I’ve gotten up the courage to reveal my biggest shame. In fact, people usually draw away…quickly. Or on the rare occasions where someone had tried to offer their support they offer it in the form of throwing me a few breadcrumbs and then quickly waving me off and wishing me well.
So what is it? I might as well tell you since it doesn’t look like a whole heck of a lot people inter-act with each other on this thread/post, and since I seriously doubt I’ll actually meet any of you in person: Due to a 20-year auto-immune disease I have been completely destitute for the past 8 years and living off the charity of relatives to survive. I have nothing but the clothes on the back, the support of my widowed mother, and the love of my dogs. In fact, I’m writing this on a 10-year old computer along with a borrowed internet connection. But what really brings me shame is being a grown woman who’s too sick to take care of herself on her own, yet the government says is not sick enough to receive benefits.
In the past, I’ve tried LOTS of work-at-home schemes and entreprenurialistic endeavors to bring in a decent living wage that would be compatible with my health condition, but nothing has worked. And every time I consult with a so-called expert or authority on the matter to find out what I’m doing wrong they all say I’m doing everything right and can’t understand why I’m not seeing success.
Admittedly, it’s been tough to get out and meet positive, uplifting, enthusiastic, like-minded people when I’ve been homebound, and trying to find that same kind of in-person connection through online cyber-relationships feels completely hollow and fake, to me.
But the past couple of years, after a lot of work and research and by the Grace of God, I’ve managed to heal my auto-immune disease and have been doing much better – not quite well enough to punch a clock for a regular 8-5 job, but better. I’ve still got a bit of damage to heal yet. But when I try to tell people about the “impossible” thing that I’ve accomplished… nobody cares. Which is why Scott’s TEDx talk resonated so much with me and why I signed up to receive email updates from LYL. But, sorry LYL, I still can’t pay for the courses. I wish I could.
So, in the meantime I’m looking into yet another way to bring in a living wage by doing some kind of work (from home) to honor the dogs who have stuck by me through all this – my most spectacular failures – with the hope of success…eventually…before they die…yeah…preferably before they die.
Anders Kring NilssonPosted at 03:10h, 09 December
Dear Kim. I did not think I was to reply to any comments, in fact I just gave up logging in hating the technology involved. But I’d really like to prove you wrong. Somebody read this. At least I did. And I was touched by your hardship and your struggle. Please stay with it. You are taking steps toward empowerment and you are gaining power to act. Please stay with your progres, your hope and drive to get fucking out there, in the light. Don’t let that power you show by posting here and being here in the first place get out of hand and become desperate and thrash what you are building. Stay with the small steps towards the light and I senserely hope you will build youself strong enough to go where you need and want to go. Whether you return to read this I do not know but I hope you do. I hope you stay with it. Peace.
John StewartPosted at 16:38h, 07 December
I just want to say first that I am humbled by the honesty. I honestly don’t know where to begin. I can relate to so many things I read in this article, in fact, I literally laughed out loud several times because of it!
The more I think about what to write, the more I realize I’m overthinking it. I guess that’s a good thing to mention. I overthink things WAY too much. To the point that I let hours pass before even getting half of the way done (or after deleting what I did 50 times over). My backups have backups, and its a bit out of control :/.
Next to that, I’m a big baby. In more ways than one. I guess the only difference is I’m not half as innocent or nearly as cute ;). Now, I don’t pride in my edge (not necessarily), but it seems to have stuck over the years. The truth is, underneath is a soft, needy, and sensitive guy.
I literally teared up watching the wedding trailer.
Thanks for the opportunity to be honest. Love you guys!
LeanPosted at 21:32h, 07 December
I am terrible at getting things done. I procrastinate too much.
Marjan QuemquemPosted at 01:23h, 08 December
One thing about myself that I am ashamed to admit is that I often find myself thinking about romance. I always come up with scenarios in my head that only seem to be real in movies. I’m pretty sure I am not the only one who feels this way. So to my fellow brothers and sisters out there, you are not alone…lol.
Shawn EckertPosted at 08:58h, 08 December
Honesty is the first chapter in the book or wisdom. ~Buddha
#1 – I’m scared of not doing enough with my life.
#2 – I often dismiss others for their shortcomings, for them being human.
#3 – I feel alone often when I am surrounded by others.
Today is a new day and I’m starting fresh.
Thank you Scott.
Thank you LYD team.
Thank God for Elevator Music | Through the MeadowsPosted at 11:00h, 08 December
[…] say as it reaffirms my thoughts on brutal honesty, and what I read yesterday on Scott’s post, Painful Authenticity: 35 Honest Personal Stories, Fears & Facts You Don’t Know About Me (you gotta check it out if you haven’t). The post is about how being authentically you is […]
Irene AdlerPosted at 15:27h, 08 December
Thanks very much for sharing and for the whole LYL coaching and resources. For anyone out there, I’d say my biggest fear is that I have not yet figured out what to do. So when I tell people that I’m planning to quit my job and they ask me what I am going to do next, I don’t know what to say… not a great start! Plus I am often late and do not trust myself very much
KristinPosted at 16:47h, 08 December
I’m glad to read such an honest post. I could relate to much of it.
As for something of myself, I have spent most of my life manipulating my decisions to be what others expected of me. I actually recently called off an engagement after realizing that I couldn’t be authentically happy in it because of this. As such, I have spent the past 5 months trying to relearn who I am authentically. It has been both exhilarating, terrifying, and at times even more confusing. I have urges to and do slip back – a lot – and am still terrified of disappointing others with my decisions and opinions but I wake each day remembering that this is what I need to do for me and remembering that when I do slip half the battle is recognizing it and taking it as a learning moment to really look internally and see how I actually feel or what I would do without influence.
Nimai WalshPosted at 01:00h, 09 December
I get overly anxious at time and I have know idea what it’s about. I always over analyse things before actually doing it, I have a fear of failing and don’t usually do things If i’m not good at it – catch 22 I know. Its time to start taking risks and experiencing everything life has to offer.
Anders Kring NilssonPosted at 03:34h, 09 December
I have lost my two year older
brother to suicide. He was the primary source of love, hope and
acceptance in my childhood and when he lost his way I feel I let him
down by not being there for him. People tell me: dont take it on
yourself. But I know. Had I been there, by his side, he would not
have done it. Had I not followed the reasonable voices of others,
but discarded caution and acted on my own truth – and trusted love –
I, and the world, would not have lost him.
I am a trained architect. I more
often than not, hate ‘good design’ as I find it cold and impersonal.
I also most often find buildings not worth it as I find the unbuilt
environment more often than not would be better off without the
structures we tend to erect nowadays.
I love talking so much about my
thoughts and ideas, that people are lost in my words and totally
don’t get it – and maybe I cover up that it is something I am not,
myself really clear about. I am good with words – not so much ,comparably, with actions.
I am currently working sweeping
floors in an airport. I am embarrassed when I meet people who know
me from before. I often feel a like failure just then and I hide
myself. But somehow it makes me feel really comfortable to do
something simple and to be just an ordinary, helpful and non
pretentious person doing my job.
I have practiced Aikido for roughly twenty
years, I have taught and acquired a 2nd degree black belt. I am
proud of the changes this have done to my life, and I thought it
would be something I would do to the day I die. But I have felt I
have had to abandon my practice for almost ten years now in order to
make priority of a relationship and parenthood. This let me feel
that I have let myself down.
I have applied to become a LYL
host in my city – that is also the capital of my country. I feel
LYL deserves a chance and someone needs to take up the torch that
Scott tragically cannot carry forward. I am scared as hell to do
this, to step into this uncertainty, but even more to find myself
not following through if I am elected.
CarlPosted at 09:49h, 10 December
An affirmation to deal with your stress: “I am growing more comfortable doing the best I can do and taking life as it comes. All is well.” from God through Nancy (1993-ish) and Carl (2015)
JewlzPosted at 09:52h, 10 December
This is such a great honest article, I totally agree that when we are honest with ourselves we are prompting others to feel confident about being honest with themselves! Here goes my list:
– I come across very rational and articulate, I can be very insightful when friends come to me for advice but inside I’m the opposite most of the time
– I don’t know what my “legend” is, I don’t know what I want “to do”
– I’ve never been in love, properly and i’m scared of losing myself if I do
– I’m dominant so I don’t have to be vulnerable
– I never cry, but actually I want to sometimes.
– I’m scared of having a normative life that restricts how I spend my time, I want an irregular life full of travel and spontaneity; this causes me to be chronically commitment phobic, even a gym membership frightens me.
– I judge overweight people, but I try really hard not to.
– I over think and over research almost everything, I wish I could listen to my intuition more to make decisions from the heart
Sarah ThumanPosted at 14:41h, 10 December
I am terrified of starting phone conversations with friends and will avoid it for weeks before getting in touch
AndrewPosted at 14:57h, 10 December
I have been married twice and looks like heading for divorce twice. I feel ashamed.
MOblahgPosted at 15:33h, 10 December
I chose to change from Full Time to PRN “as needed” status at work and I’m now, as expected, bombarded with questions. So what are you going to be doing? What about insurance and money? I’m very reserved in answering honestly as this job and the way people act has brought me to hostility and I’m not into burning bridges. I was doing this job only as a means to try to get into a highly competitive school program that doesn’t look like it’s gonna pan out. I want to scream “I’m leaving because you all talk about how bad this place sucks (EveryDay, all day) and yet, won’t do anything about it. It does suck and I am doing something about it!” How can I feel okay just saying to them, “I’m searching for what I love to do and it sure the hell is not this!” I have a real problem with being transparent or authentic in the workplace. It’s because I have views outside the social norm, like LYL! I feel so stuck and I can’t afford to leave my job for long without income, but at this point I’d rather lose it all than continue to be miserable. It’s uhmazing how much fear-based feedback I’ve received like it’s taboo that I’m “leaving”. Thank You LYL
David TPosted at 04:26h, 14 December
I have a long-standing fear of dying which hits me every now and then, but was at one time so intense that I presumed no-one else had come to the same realisation I had, otherwise society would have ceased to function under the crushing anxiety.
Jums GPosted at 19:31h, 14 December
Sharing as instructed:
I can be incredibly arrogant even though I don’t know much (well people think that) and haven’t really done anything in my life… except have a baby, best thing that ever happened to me
Lee-Ann HannahPosted at 21:52h, 14 December
I was just recently scammed in Bangkok, Thailand practically knowing it was happening at the same time. I allowed fear and isolation to cloud my better judgement in a decision making process where I allowed people to pressure me into something too quickly!
VincePosted at 08:59h, 15 December
I feel overwhelmed with all the things I have to do and the weekly schedule often doesn t work. I feel in a rush all the time. I feel anxious at my new job even though is simpler than the other ones I had in the past. have a good one guys.
AnnaPosted at 07:43h, 17 December
What a great read. I love reading all the comments as well. I’m amazed at all the honesty out there. So I will throw in mine: I am both scared and confident about my future, really confusing. Scared because of how my illness (IBD) will affect, well, everything in my life and confident that it will all work out for the best. This is a daily, hourly struggle. I do feel that being part of the LYL community will help me a great deal.
Kata MonzégerPosted at 04:07h, 20 December
Thank you for this great article. 🙂 It really came at the right time because I’m planning to start a blog in January and I still have to figure out how to communicate with my readers. And to tell the truth, I am really scared of writing about things that I truly love and sharing them. I did not know it was so hard.
KristinaPosted at 23:43h, 24 December
I am afraid of losing touch with all of the people I have met in college after I graduate. I am afraid that I am too hard to keep up with so I will never get married.
KaylaPosted at 16:10h, 25 December
I am new to the LYL community. I am trying to catch up on the emails. Sometimes life happens and time just gets away from me. I appreciate the opportunity to share. I especially have a problem with being myself, especially around those I love the most. It seems that the more I care about someone the more I hide myself. I become so worried that they will find something in me that turns them away. It has damaged most of my relationships. I finally hit a point that the real me started to scream. My true self couldn’t take being smashed anymore. The entity I refer to my true self started to rebel. I went through a incredibly selfish stage. It was as if I couldn’t control myself. I know that if I had been honest with myself and with my family and friends I wouldn’t have hurt them during my rebellion stage. This was a very difficult time for me, but I know if was even harder for my loved ones. They watched me torment myself. It was as if there is an internal battle I constantly had with myself. I become so terrified of making the wrong decision that will hurt myself, or worse those I care about.
this is something I have been trying to work through for the last 18 months. It had been very difficult, but I appreciate more about myself now. I also have become more thankful for my family and friends who have stuck with me through this phase in my life. I hope that I will continue to grow and get to know my true self in the yard to come.
kim haistPosted at 20:03h, 26 December
I am humbled with everyone’s raw honesty…. here is mine
~~I make me less then so others can shine I have done this so I will be liked.
~~I work best when alone and in quiet. I am horrible at small talk. I rather be alone learning/reading then at a party, it makes me uncomfortable.
~~It drives me nuts to be unproductive.
~~I feel all alone in my dreams and often feel like an outcast/misfit.
~~I am ashamed to say I have stayed at a job where I make more money then I ever could imagine and I am insanely dissatisfied because I am not living up to my potential, in fact I feel like I sold out.
~~ I keep asking myself the ? when I am 80 and looking back on my life question it’s starting to freak me out and more then ever I want to say hell yes I did it my way
jocelyn.herbertPosted at 08:52h, 27 December
Good work, everyone who commented on this already! Admitting things publicly that even we wish we didn’t know about ourselves is very difficult.
Okay, here’s mine: I run away from conflict. Even when it’s a conflict between two other people that I just happen to be witnessing–even if it’s an argument in the comments section of a news story or blog post–I feel physically ill when I see it, and I have to get away. Confronting someone about something, even something small, is probably my worst fear. Which means I’ve had relationships (and jobs) where I’ve been fabulously agreeable, said yes to everything, and then gotten overwhelmed and quit, or cut people entirely out of my life (and, I’m sure, left them hurt and wondering what the heck happened).
Thanks, LYL team, for giving us the space to come clean with things we wish no one knew about us! 🙂
Leandro Maia de SousaPosted at 14:05h, 27 December
Hey guys! A thing I would like to share with you and makes me really embarrassed and even sad is my low ability in work in a group, linked to a little bit of egoism. I have difficulty in give my opinions, and I feel a little envy when someone give a idea more creative, better than mine. I think this is caused by a mindset of insecurity, thinking I don’t know the necessary to solve the problem, plus the necessity of be seen by others as a creative and smart person. This is a thing I don’t like and I’m working to improving in my live.
Dashielle VawterPosted at 09:58h, 29 December
My current vulnerability: I have a lot of friends who say they’re not worried about me finding a partner- but dating has been hard for me, I move around a lot, I am very independent, and fear that I am too much for most men. Being on a spiritual path and one of risk taking and exploration means I don’t fit most cultural expectations for a woman of 33. I worry I’m not ending up in the right places and am missing my chances to enjoy the kind of love I witnessed in the wedding video of Scott and Chelsea posted above. I have faith- but sometimes it feels very lonely and scary to pursue my own path.
AlPosted at 10:00h, 06 January
(I am sorry form my bad English:)
I don’t know You, but I have to agree with your friends 🙂
As You said, You have a lot of friends and it indicates that You are friendly, empathetic and kind-hearted.
So, don’t worry 🙂 You’re still young, so follow Your heart and live Your own dream. I am sure that You meet someone who will love You, exactly the way You are. I wish You all the best..
GracePosted at 10:52h, 29 December
How wonderful this was to read before I sit down to try again at another project.
1. art is my passion and I am scared of being creative- I battle with creating an original thought- I have never said that out loud. creativity will come in spurts how am I going to make a life of art when I am constantly scared I am not creative enough.
2. I am a recovering alcoholic
3. In 2011 I drunkenly fell 30 feet off a balcony
4. two and three are the most influential and empowering things that have ever happened to me.
5. I battle with being “enough”
MMPosted at 21:45h, 29 December
One of my authentic truths is that I can be a procrastinator, spending hours without accomplishing much at all. Then I have to rush at the last minute to get the things done I had hours to do. I justify to myself that its because the to-do list wasn’t very important, but that’s not always the truth. Then I feel guilty because I don’t want to waste the moments of my life. It’s something I have to find a way to stop repeating.
NickPosted at 17:34h, 02 January
I’m a total procrastinator…there’s no hiding it. Even right now I should be packing to go back to school tomorrow but I’m here reading and learning instead. In my opinion I’m not totally wasting my time and that’s a good thing.
On the fun side this past summer I did a handstand (almost) everyday and just had fun with it. My friends laughed and thought it was kinda weird, but then I got one of them to start doing it with me and I watched others struggle to do a handstand and it turned into a fun experience. To this day I love to randomly pull a handstand at the beach, on nearby grass, or even in the dorm room hallways at UCLA where I go to school. It’s fun! Give it a shot, trust me!
ShannonPosted at 22:55h, 04 January
Ahhh–I feel sad that I learned about you after you had already passed. Thank you for your dream…and thank you for your team
My painfully honest admission:
I love to help people and I love to be the person “everyone” turns to. I love to be the helper and the person who knows where to direct people for help if I can’t help them.
But lately-I have wanted each and every person to leave me ALONE-NO more crises-NO more panicked calls-NO more advice-seeking….I sometimes just want everyone to lose my number and my address. Except my children— I always want them to turn to me
KevinPosted at 07:43h, 05 January
A brief sampling of honesty…
1. I feel most productive and most satisfied when I am overwhelmed with work. As a result, I will procrastinate and procrastinate until deadlines loom large and seem unattainable. When I ultimately meet the timeline (getting swallowed by stress and late nights in the process), I get a twisted rush from performing well under a tight deadline, which didn’t need to be tight but for my own desire for it to be so.
2. I am methodical, thoughtful and rigorous in almost everything I do, and I judge people harshly that don’t carry the same performance ethic. Although I try and remain humble and self-effacing about my skills and talents, my desire for perfection and the bar I set for others is ultimately unhealthy and unsustainable. I acknowledge this but haven’t found a recipe (or appetite) to change.
3. I do not lavish nearly enough love or praise on my wife. It is not for lack of desire. More so, it is a fear of intimacy and vulnerability and an inability to muster the courage and words to share with her how I truly feel.
Sharon CongdonPosted at 15:39h, 05 January
Scott, I dont even know you, but from what I know about you with this program and your TED talk, I believe that I was meant to connect with you. I am a 50 year old stay- at- home mother of 3 teenage girls currently going through a divorce after 17 years of marriage. I feel I have a pretty good handle on things most of the time, but I am scared to death about all of the uncertainty ahead. I try to keep my head up and be positive (and be with as many positive influences). I’m not always best at following through with new things, this program being one of them, but I feel I have to give this my all and if I fall down, I need to keep picking myself back up. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.
alPosted at 19:09h, 05 January
Thank You for the courage to share with people about your story and do this beautiful webside.
(Sorry for my bad English.)
I want to tell (ok, I don’t really want to tell about it, but..) , that I am terrible procrastinator, and I am so lazy too. I can not ever find time for the things that I love. I’m terrified of that was something goes wrong and I’m terrified of that was something goes wrong, too 🙂 ,.. so sometimes I even rather do not start at all. Thank You for reading this, but now I should finally start. Thank You
RIP Scott, You’re exceptional soul
alPosted at 19:11h, 05 January
* I’m terrified of that was something goes right, too
QTP Job TrainingPosted at 06:37h, 06 January
Excellent article to read
PRHPosted at 05:47h, 07 January
I only drive red cars by now, but my dream car will be coloured in orange-golden sprinkles.
I love vanilla scent.
David FreyerPosted at 16:59h, 07 January
I second guess myself way more than I should. I often tell myself it’s because I’m careful, or moral, or don’t want to hurt anyone. But mostly it’s because of fear or shyness. The result is that often great opportunities to inject some life, love, or beauty into the world pass by and are gone.
kenPosted at 11:09h, 08 January
Scott has a way of speaking so clearly and to hear that his spelling is as bad as mine is reassuring. I’ve always battled with this and its encouraging to so that all I need is an editor to move forward,lol.
I could write a list as long as