17 Jul Rejection Therapy: How to Build Overnight Courage or Guarantee Failure
“Our rejections make us who we are.” – Jia Jiang
I fail a lot.
I pretty much always have. I get more things wrong than I get right. I try things and they blow up. I think I have something figured out only to realize I’m further behind than when I started. I’ve learned how to help people, but I do not have all the answers. In fact sometimes I wonder if I have any at all. I get reminded of this daily.
So now that I have that off my chest, how about you? You ever been there?
Most the world sees rejection as something to be avoided.
But this past weekend at World Domination Summit, Jia Jiang gave me a different look at things. After investors turned down his startup, he decided he’d turn rejection on its head. He went on a quest to get turned down once a day for 100 days.
He proceeded to ask people for things that seemed to guarantee a “no” (or slammed doors or slaps in the face). He called it Rejection Therapy.
He asked a police man if he could drive his cruiser. He asked a pilot if he could fly his private plane. With ball in hand, he knocked on a random neighbor’s door to ask a man if he could play soccer in his backyard (while dressed head to toe in his favorite team’s uniform). He even asked a donut shop to make him a custom treat in the shape of the olympic rings. Anything was fair game.
His goal was simple: To desensitize himself from the fear of rejection.
And it worked. But the unexpected part was the experiences that came with these ridiculous requests… He drove a police car, flew a private plane, played soccer in a random backyard and filmed a now viral video of his custom donut being made. Almost every expected no turned out to be a yes. And that was just the start.
How to Guarantee Rejection
I’ve noticed a simple experience that every Living Legend I’ve studied, interviewed or read about has in common…
They’ve all been turned down.
They’ve been laughed at. They’ve been ridiculed. And it’s happened to them a lot. More often than we’d like to imagine.
As it turns out, the more successful you are (however you measure it), the more rejection you’ll experience.
The more your ideas get out to the public, the more clients you have and the more your audience grows, the more people there will be to potentially criticize and pick apart your plans for the world. The bigger Live Your Legend gets, the more likely there’s someone to laugh, scorn or even hate me. That’s a scary thought, but it’s a real part of pursuing something that matters. The president of the United States was rejected by over 40 million people. And he’s the guy who won.
I used to think I could avoid rejection by just following some template – doing what everyone else told me I was supposed to do. And this seemed to work perfectly well. The only problem is it made life about as fun as the poison oak I picked up backpacking last weekend.
Without the chance of rejection, nothing interesting happens.
You can put your ideas out there, you can ask people for things, and you will no doubt be turned down here and there. You might even get turned down a lot.
But the best way to never get a no is to never share your idea in the first place.
That’s also the only way to kill any chance of a yes.
And that’s the biggest most certain rejection of all – turning down our own idea in our own head. That’s the thinking that causes us to never open our mouths in the first place – to never pick up the phone, knock on that door or stand on that stage.
If we reject ourselves, nothing has a chance. If we open ourselves to the rejection of others, we’ll actually have a shot at it becoming something. Of making an impact. Of living your legend.
Plus the rejections and failures teach us the most anyway…
Getting outclassed in the interviews for my “perfect job” out of university taught me to be better prepared (and that things happen for a reason). That lead me to a year of entrepreneurship and adventure in Spain.
Having hundreds of investors reject me and say I was too inexperienced when launching my investment fund, taught me persistence (and to find people who actually needed what I had to offer). That lead to one two-line email bringing in a $100,000 investment.
My first website growing by zero percent for four years taught me the importance of finding a specific niche where I could add tremendous and unique value. That lead to Live Your Legend.
The Surprising Yes
Despite the power of learning form rejection, the crazy thing is that often what we assume will be an obvious “no”, becomes an excited “yes”. And with that “yes”, a whole new world unfolds. An idea becomes a business. A dream job becomes a career. The hot girl at the bar becomes a soulmate.
A few years ago, at the end of two grueling days of case studies and role playing in a Karrass negotiating course, our teacher gave us just one core takeaway…
“If you only take one word from this course, let it be this: Ask.”
There is no more powerful negotiating tool on the planet. It’s saved me well over $10,000 in product discounts and giveaways (yes, I have fun keeping track). It’s kept an officer from writing me a speeding ticket for going 88 MPH in a 65 zone (I stick to 71 now). And it got me the kind of wife and best friend I used to only see in movies.
When done in a compassionate way, there is zero risk in asking.
People don’t enjoy turning others down. We want to support the people around us. And the only way that’s possible is to open and share. Be that person who asks no matter how crazy the request.
My challenge to you simple: Go out today and throw yourself in rejection’s path. Start incredibly small. Get used to it. It’s going to happen whether you look for it or not. Might as well lead the charge.
Welcome the “no” as a lesson, or embrace the “yes” as an opportunity. Either way your world will begin to change. So will ours.
The only thing worse is never having a chance to hear a “no” in the first place.
I’ve always tried to treat life as an experiment. That means constant trial and error – and plenty of error. What people miss is that it never ends. No matter what level you reach, the process continues.
But that’s the beauty of it. Plus, where would the excitement be in making something you were certain was going to work?
Imagine what the world would look like if people started to act in the face of rejection, as opposed to freezing in fear of it. What might be possible? What would you do differently?
I’m off to give a talk to 100 or so people tonight. I’m nervous. I always am. I wonder what they’ll think of me. I wonder if I’ll screw up. I wonder if they’ll laugh.
Who knows, but at least I’m going to find out.
What about you?
What’s one thing you’ve been rejected from? Or one situation where you expected a no and got a startling yes? Share your war wounds with us in the comments. Make us stronger.
Pato RibeiroPosted at 12:35h, 17 July
Scott, I always enjoy reading your posts and there’s always things I relate to and that leave me thinking and bring me closer to finding my path and living my dream. But today’s post has extraordinary good timing. I loved it. Rejection therapy. Never thought about it. Going to dive right into it. I´ll tell you about it…
ScottPosted at 16:21h, 17 July
Love it Pato! I thought I’d switch things up a bit this week ;). Can’t wait to hear what you do with it!
susan sullivanPosted at 05:52h, 18 July
perhaps I need lessons in asking as I only ever get turned down for everything, what can I do?
LadyKPosted at 20:57h, 19 July
Sounds like you’ve aced the Rejection Therapy!
But if no has you bummed try this..
Take a day to mark down all your requests and ANSWERS. Then at the end of the day you can show yourself how many Yes’ you do get.
***Be sure to note ALL REQUEST …even when your child (or someone) gets you a drink or when the cashier gives you change for your $20 at the of someones transaction, thus saving you the headache of a long line. Hey even asking for a cup of sugar or an egg from a neighbor counts!
***Want to continue the YES flow? Try to see how many times or silly ways you THANK OTHERS FOR THEIR YES! Try acting like THEY SAVED YOUR LIFE!
***OK IF THAT SEEMS A BIT MUCH.. REMEMBER TO THANK THEM AGAIN IF YOU SEE THEM. OR GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO THANK THEM AGAIN LATER
–I EVEN BRAG ABOUT MY KIDS KINDNESS TO PEOPLE ….IN FRONT OF THEM…
THIS EXTREME GRATITUDE THAT YOU SHOW IS A MINI FEEL GREAT REWARD THAT THE GIVER WILL REMEMBER AND INCREASES THEIR LIKELIHOOD OF REPEAT GIVING!!
I JUST TESTED THIS WITH A FRIEND BY ASKING FOR A QUARTER…OVERBOARD THANKS AND HE WAS ALL SMILES. EVEN THANKED ME, SAYING IT MADE HIS DAY!
AHH I’M ALL EXCITED NOW! MANY BLESSINGS
Rejection Therapy: How to Build Overnight Courage or Guarantee Failure | Internet Biz ListPosted at 12:38h, 17 July
[…] Rejection Therapy: How to Build Overnight Courage or Guarantee Failure at Live Your […]
VincentPosted at 13:35h, 17 July
Ah, rejection. This used to be my biggest fear around there years ago. I’ve been rejected so many times this past year and it feels GOOD to know that life is still quite awesome even with those rejections. Nowadays, I basically shrug it off and move onto the next adventure.
In this past couple weeks alone I’ve been turned down by a cute cashier, turned down by three writing gigs (scored one huge one,) and yet I’ve got so much left to do.
Before my current IDGAF attitude, I would linger on the “what if?” If only I had been accepted! If only I had succeeded! Forget that noise. Thinking about what if is wasting time going into my next actions.
ScottPosted at 16:25h, 17 July
So fun to hear this Vincent! And I love “Nowadays, I basically shrug it off and move onto the next adventure.” That’s the whole point. When we build that habit of rejection it begins to become a comfortable and natural part of life – as it’s meant to be. Then things start to get interesting!
Bryan ThompsonPosted at 13:54h, 17 July
This is the second post I’ve seen today on failure.
I especially love this:
“Imagine what the world would look like if people started to act in the face of rejection, as opposed to freezing in fear of it. What might be possible? What would you do differently?”
Rejection is tough but it can be the most effective way to push us to success. Where would the fun be of creating something we KNEW was going to be a success? I love that.
Failure, sadly, has a way of filtering out the successes because those that do come up through the ranks have been through their fair share of failure.
ScottPosted at 16:27h, 17 July
And that’s the beauty of it! We just have to realize that all those successful people have likely experienced more failure and rejection than all the people looking up to them. That makes for some fun motivation!
christyPosted at 16:25h, 17 July
Awesome post! This is great advice…simple, yet profound! Definitely going to share with everyone I can!!!! I LOVE the idea of de-sensitizing yourself!!! Gonna get started NOW! 🙂
ScottPosted at 16:28h, 17 July
Thank you Christy, but the real credit and epiphany goes to Jia. I am just happy to shed some additional light on it. Be sure to check his work out. Brilliant stuff!
Iqbal HakimPosted at 16:27h, 17 July
Sharing out my ideas and my thoughts are the biggest fear i ever have in my life. Being open and gutsy to tell others of my thinking have been haunting me for years. Because i myself rejected my ideas in my head. Your article here, Scott, I believe not only it cracks my head. It also cracks the ice in many other heads.
I have an experience of being rejected from making my own decision. It hurts me so much that the wound is still bleeding today. I am recurpriating and thank God I am still alive today! And from there I’ve learn a lesson that I have to decide when I have to decide for my own sake. Today, despite the past that is over, I made my own decision most of the time. I told the person about my intention to do something, expecting she would not agreewith it. To my surprise, she actually says ok and let me do what I want. Now I am working and at the same time pursuing my first degree in psychology. Its not a smooth sail I’d say currently. But I see clear sky beyond this storm. I really do.
ScottPosted at 16:32h, 17 July
Makes me so happy to read Iqbal! And don’t worry too much about the smooth sailing. That’s rarely happens anyway ;). It’s like the founder of Patagonia, Yvon Chouinard says: “It’s not an adventure until something goes wrong”.
Congrats on having the courage to show up and ask. That will make all the difference.
Peter SuttonPosted at 16:40h, 17 July
Most excellent advice! Time to cut, paste & print out to read once a day
Thank you young man!
AakashPosted at 16:48h, 17 July
Best-timing Scott, thanks a lot!
I always love your posts but this one came out right when I needed this push the most.
I just ask you one thing,
Please have a look at this
I really needed this | Adventures in LAPosted at 16:51h, 17 July
[…] Been doing job-searching (and soul-searching), and it hasn’t been easy. This article on “Rejection therapy” really came at the right time. To me, it’s essentially telling me that if anybody wants to achieve anything, s/he has to face rejection. The only way not to get rejected is to never try out anything. Of course the article put it in much better terms: https://liveyourlegend.net/rejection-therapy-how-to-build-overnight-courage/ […]
Laure MerlinPosted at 17:04h, 17 July
This and the previous post (WDS takeaways) are so great Scott! And it got me to finally watch your TEDx video (I’m like hardly ever watching videos, I’m totally bookish…) and wow!
A real blast and I couldn’t believe how much fear I sensed in your voice, and you were up there doing it anyway. This is so inspiring to me, much more than if you’d been the calm cool relaxed speaker. No, you were so nervous your voice was uneven all the way, but your message just had to go through. I don’t think there was ever a better testimony of the power of your own personal mission, I am so impressed Scott, even after all you’ve done for me.
Keep on it always! May it become sweeter and reach all corners.
LisPosted at 17:05h, 17 July
Love this Scott! Reminds me of studies I’ve done on making mistakes as well. Our societies HATE making mistakes because we fear failure so we do everything to try and not make them whereas societies like Japan are much different (this was the big thing in the difference between school maths scores in America and Japan in the ’70s…Japan allowed the kids to make constant mistakes over and over until they got it right and were then applauded).
Rejection initially sucks but it’s a great tool to use. It may help you determine whether you’re passionate and persistent enough about it to try again 🙂 I’m a fairly open book which leaves you constantly vulnerable (although I never ever see it this way) but I love that it’s all so entwined.
Mistakes, vulnerability, authenticity, failure and rejection are all entangled with fear. If we could start embracing the fear and applauding the life experiments (adore that you live this way) imagine what a world we would have 🙂
In answer to your question my whole business started on a rejection. I was working in a morale destroying corp job and asked to take 2 weeks to do some charity work overseas whilst still doing my day job remotely (as I had the year prior as well). They said no (apparently this work was more important then helping people I was told and it would be impossible for me to do both) and I promptly quit, went over and did the charity for 7 months instead and started my business during that time! Thank you rejection!!
Lis DingjanPosted at 17:15h, 17 July
P.S. – In Holland we have a saying “Nee heb je, ja kun je krijgen” which means “You have no, you can get yes”.
AecioPosted at 17:20h, 17 July
Hey Scott, sometimes you write epic shit. Today it was fucking epic shit! Caramba! Eu vou escrever em português porque me expresso melhor assim! Esse texto foi fenomenal! Cara, foi a coisa mais legal que li!
JanaPosted at 17:24h, 17 July
This article is so spot on. I rarely share ezine articles (maybe because I just get so many!) but this is spot on.
I work with new coaches, and this fear of rejection is the thing I see stop people in their tracks more than anything else.
The idea of asking and expecting a no is a fun thing to play with, and a great exercise for new coaches who are so afraid to ask for the sale, they never make any!
Beautifully written and right on point. I’ll be sharing this one with my coaching students for sure.
Yolanda EnochPosted at 17:34h, 17 July
Such an awesome post! You’re the second person who’s shared their experience at WDS2013 & who has specifically mentioned the Rejection Therapy talk.
Rejection story: The studio where I took dance classes had auditions to be in their troupe. I tried out and made it all the way to the finals but was not invited to join. I cried when they told me, but in retrospect, it was such a fun experience and I’m proud I actually tried out.
Startling Yes: I wanted to convince my boss to give every employee (appx 70 ppl) a crisp $100 bill. We didn’t meet our company revenue goals so there was no company-wide trip. The day I wanted to hand out the cash was during our company-wide meeting, which was the day he was returning from a 2-week international vacation. I expected him to be grumpy and was sure he would say no. Instead of having our normal meeting, it was going to be a surprise birthday party/Roast of him (he had just turned 40). I was so excited about the chance to roast him publicly that I was super-bubbly when I asked for the $100 gifts. He said yes with no hesitation. I found out later from his wife that because I was so happy and excited when I asked him to approve the $100 for everyone (he didn’t know that it was because of the Roast) that he “just couldn’t say no.” 🙂
EmilyPosted at 17:38h, 17 July
What a great reminder to act as if you weren’t afraid.
Jia’s rejection therapy is so simple, authentic, and clear. I overcomplicate things – the packaging needs to be perfect, it has to be edited 6x, etc. Obviously out of fear that my readers will find me out for the fraud I am!
Thanks for sharing his experience within your message – it combined two perfectly-timed messages for me.
Paige BurkesPosted at 17:40h, 17 July
I’m convinced that there’s no such thing as failure. Like you said, Scott, life is just a big experiment – sometimes it goes the way you want, sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes it’s a million times better than you could have imagined. Usually that “million times better” only happens when you ask for something big.
Maybe it comes with being older (which includes receiving lots of no’s), but having someone say no doesn’t phase me any longer. I’ve been telling people that the best way to get what you want is to ASK for it.
Rejection only leaves you where you started before you asked. No loss. No one rejects you on a personal level. They only reject ideas and their rejections are based on their limited world view.
I’ve been amazed at what I’ve received simply by asking. There are so many amazing people out there who want to help – who want to say yes to you. You just have to ask.
Debra RussellPosted at 17:48h, 17 July
LOVE this one!
KatiPosted at 17:49h, 17 July
I’m constantly amazed at the “yes’s” you can receive when you ask. I was never one to ask for special favors, fearing rejection or calling undue attention to myself (I’m not special! Who am I to deserve what I want?), but my boyfriend has a completely different approach. He just asks for things sincerely and we’ve gotten all sorts of great perks (jacuzzi rooms for $50 per night, extra late check-outs, free food) with even better stories to go along with the experiences. Most people really do want to help you and it’s a great way to feel connected to the world.
Jia JiangPosted at 18:35h, 17 July
Scott, thank you for this insightful article about my venture. One of the biggest benefits for speaking at WDS is to have my story retold by amazing people.
Just to add one more thought, I haven’t heard one person who told me that they regret asking for things. But I do know a lot of people said they regret not asking for things.
Feel free to connect with me at jia at entresting.com.
OpheliePosted at 18:38h, 17 July
That was a really nice read. It reminds me of an episode of The Moth I heard recently (http://themoth.org/posts/storytellers/maurice-ashley). A chess player pits himself against the best, comes away crushed, but becomes stronger through the experience.
Alexis MeadsPosted at 18:38h, 17 July
Great article! I just watched Jia Jiangs video last week and it had a huge impact on me. I’ve recently started my own business http://alexismeads.com and one of my biggest challenges is putting myself out there.
Right after watching Jia Jiang’s video, I got a negative comment on one of my YouTube videos. Normally I would’ve been crushed, but I just laughed! Of course when you put yourself out there you’ll get criticized, but so what? It was a simple matter of deleting the comment 🙂
Alexis BadiyiPosted at 18:47h, 17 July
I have been very afraid of rejection. I will hold part of myself back sometimes, afraid to let my full alexis out in the open because i am worried it will be rejected. can you believe i have been afraid to be myself 100% at work because i think they wont like me and i will loose my job? sounds so silly once i write it out. in the past when i was rejected i would torture myself wondering what i did and what i should have done instead. then every time a similar situation would come up for me i would think back to the the time i was rejected and i reject my thoughts & ideas before i can even share them in fear i will experience the same pain again.
the idea of rejection therapy is scary to me. but i will start small and begin this today.
Ryan BonapartePosted at 18:50h, 17 July
Great post! Honestly, I don’t think I’ve experienced enough rejection yet. I’ve gone through life trying to work within the confines of what society has deemed as ok, and so I’m starting to think that I haven’t reached out enough to trying new and more challenging things. Without risk, there can be little reward.
SebastianPosted at 22:08h, 17 July
Rejection is nothing bad. It`s the fear of rejection that is holding us back from the things we want to do.
The rejection therapy could be a great way to face the fear. Going to try this!
Another great way to get rid of the fear is to become independent from the outcome. When you have the mindset of abundance, when you believe that there is an infinite amount of chances out there, rejection is no big deal anymore.
johnPosted at 22:23h, 17 July
Sometimes you know they will say “NO”!
But if we don’t ASK how will we grow?
Sometimes yes we will feel rejected,
maybe downtreaded and even neglected.
BUT as we get UP and TRY again,
our efforts propel us and are never in vain.
I may sometimes be restless after a sleepless night
BUT today I got UP and am back in the FIGHT!
SO YES may friends they WILL some no, but when they say YES we can really glow!!!
Happy DAY people, john W holway, hamburg
johnPosted at 22:24h, 17 July
Sometimes you know we will make a mistake, but let us FORGIVE for Heaven’s Sake!…
ScottPosted at 11:09h, 18 July
This is brilliant John!!
DanielPosted at 23:38h, 17 July
Hi Scott, I love this post. I completely agree with you when it comes to embracing the rejection. I went through this experience myself a lot of times and it always made me stronger. I can safely say that it helped me to see every rejection from the positive side and I do my best to help my clients to see it this way as well.
If you don’t take action and ask, you will never know what the answer could have been and in many cases, just missed an opportunity to build a great relationships.
india leighPosted at 01:06h, 18 July
I loved your article. It resonated with me big time. I’ve been rejected so much in my life and i’ve spent a long time feeling sorry for myself. I’ve always got back up though, and tried something new. I don’t feel like a success, though I have done so much. I think the fear is pushing me on to do more. In a way, its doing me a favour, though in all honesty it is keeping me from greatness.
I love the idea of rejection therapy. I will be honest, I don’t think I could be so brave as to implement it. Your article has shed some light, opened a crack in the door so who knows what it may illuminate in the future.
I’m going to make attempts to use the ‘ask’ tool. It seems so simple.
Will you please coach me, one to one, for free?
ToniPosted at 01:07h, 18 July
O my talk about Law of Attraction! This really and I mean really resonated with me this morning. It actually brought a tear (or more) to my eye. Thank you very much Scott. When I remove the ego out of the way there really is no rejections. Thanx again.
AngiePosted at 03:48h, 18 July
It certainly makes you think, when you realise that the first and most damaging rejection is actually coming from yourself. I hadn’t looked at it that way before, but recognising that I am actually the major obstacle in my path, changes my perspective somewhat.
A great timely piece of sobering enlightenment …thank you Scott.
Why are we afraid of refusal and what can we do about it? : Dora HunorPosted at 03:52h, 18 July
[…] morning I read an article of Scott Dinsmore that is about how much successful people get rejected and how getting a ‘no’ is a part of being […]
BarbaraPosted at 06:20h, 18 July
I have just started blogging and I think for me the fear of rejection has been the hardest to overcome. This was very timely.
BoPosted at 07:01h, 18 July
Great recap of Jai’s story…it was definitely one of the highlights of WDS for me!
MishaPosted at 07:13h, 18 July
Someone said to me, if you are willing to take “No” for an answer, ask for any and everything. So back when TWA was still flying, I had an early Sunday AM flight home, and when checking in, I looked at the man processing my ticket and asked, “Is there any chance I could get a 1st class upgrade?”
“Do you belong to the TWA club [or whatever]?”
“Do you have this that or the other thing?”
And after a few more exchanges, I looked at him and laughed, “I have no special privilege or qualification for this upgrade. I just thought that I would ask politely and be willing to take a ‘no’ for an answer if necessary.”
“Window or aisle seat”
“Thank you for flying TWA and I hope you enjoy your 1st class flight home!”
ColinPosted at 07:27h, 18 July
When I first read this the words that came to mind were ‘bloody brilliant!’
I’m enbraking on an adventure to communicate a heartfelt project and the fear of rejection seems to be one of the biggest areas holding me back. It’s not just the fear of rejection, it’s the sense that if what I do sucks….how embarrassing, Truth be known is that the best lessons I ever got were to do with trying and failing at something, such as the time I did a comedy performance for my spiritual teacher and he received the humour and even encouraged me to continue and do more in the moment (did I mention I had been drinking heavily at the time).
At a later date he pointed out my misgivings in the performance which were at the time hard to swallow, but in later years I came to see and understand the clarity in his wisdom of exactly what he had revealed about what I was doing.
As you mebpntikn the lessons go on and we keep on growing, so yes this is quiet inspiring, I feel this is exactly what I need to embrace, only growth can come out of it.
Ryan - Comeback AcademyPosted at 08:29h, 18 July
I loved this so much I shared it yesterday with my private mentoring clients many of whom are just launching their businesses.
Overcoming fear and perseverance are two of the biggest success factors in business.
I remember cold calling for my first business at age 24,broke and not knowing what I was doing. Getting over rejection was key. 8 years later when I sold it to a public company I often thought back on those early rejection days and how pivotal they were.
What a great case study.
Being a Boise State fan and living in Utah I think I may trying knocking on some BYU fans door this fall and ask if I can watch the Boise State game with them 🙂
Elisa Lionne - Hot, Happy And HealthyPosted at 08:38h, 18 July
This is so wonderful! Another example of how a simple shift in perception can make all the difference.
With this approach instead of being afraid of the rejection, we look for rejection and face it right on, which opens our mind up for so many possibilities. I love it!
Right after reading your post I asked someone I know for something I’m really interested in and that didn’t cause me too much anxiety to ask for. And he reacted very curious and excited. It made me feel so good!
I believe that our lives could be much richer and exciting if we kept asking for what we want without being attached to the outcome.
Debi KnightPosted at 08:55h, 18 July
Great article Scott and very insightful. I agree with many comments, rejecting yourself first by not even putting it out there is the biggest rejection of all. Have never looked at it that way really, so this certainly opened my eyes. Used to work with a gentleman in sales whose motto was, “Never Ask, Never Get,” and I have taken that to heart as often as possible. I think of him and this propels me forward to action. Thanks again for the site and today’s post.
DavePosted at 09:57h, 18 July
I learned this lesson a long time ago at a leadership seminar I attended in Cabo through my fraternity. It was taught almost verbatim.
That very same night my friend and I asked to play with the band on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe in Cabo. They let us! Then they kicked us off stage pretty quickly when they realized neither of us could play, which probably makes the story 100x better!
LadyKPosted at 01:59h, 19 July
Scott.. Will you Waltz with me?
😉 😉 ;p 🙂 <— one of those silly are bound to transform as I post… hmmm maybe not
LOL! I thought I'd ASK.. because I think you might be really good at it and that's all I could think about the first few mins of you TEDx video. Actually I wanted to run up on that stage and dance, or give you a big hug in empathy …err.. that is if you didn't have stage security! Hahaha What is it about that silly stage that makes everything pending doom!
Anyhow Thank-you, for this kind of "Therapy", runs right up my alley of adventure and explains some of my behavior, (although.. I do believe the 4am need sleep is leading me at the moment 🙂 ). But, most of all, Thankyou, so I can encourage others with this idea and possibly get some friends to break out of their shells!!
I'm glad to have found this site. It may not top the Dominatrix/submissive training one.. but it took interest above 'Yoga for Dogs', Single parenting, Manifestation, Light&dark work, Dream talk.. and about 30 other tabs I got carried away in fascination as I explore all the awesome stuff to do, learn… WOW! LOL
Ok sleep world awaits me..
EVERYONE.. ROCK THIS WORLD!! WE DESERVE TO BE HAPPY BEING OURSELVES.. NO MATTER WHAT LABELS THEY WANT TO PUT ON US!!!!! LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF SO YOU CAN HELP OTHERS FEARLESSLY DO THE SAME!!! ONELOVE
Vimal AKPosted at 03:27h, 19 July
Superb post, and I really excited to do things in this way, now after reading I could manage to accept rejections, hope I can continue the same in the future also so that I can surely achieve something best. In fact we all have to try this out….. Thanks 🙂
SazPosted at 03:35h, 19 July
Scott, I love the idea of ‘Rejection Therapy’ – I think everyone should proactively do it just to get over themselves, remove fear and create opportunity to experience the life that’s possible for them.
It also reminds me of ‘Yes Man’ an experiment by Danny Wallace about saying yes to absolutely everything that presents itself regardless of circumstance. It was made into a book and a film starring Jim Carry.
Great post 🙂 Saz.
It too opened up opportunity to experience life events that would not be possible had he not been open to exposing himself to the unknown.
LadyKPosted at 19:30h, 19 July
Hmm try doing the “Yes” thing with children.. It’s one of the most wonderful places explore.. A childs world uncapped!
SonaliPosted at 07:23h, 19 July
Thank you for sharing. this post came to me at the right time. 🙂
Joseph GoodePosted at 12:23h, 19 July
This idea of Rejection Therapy and the trial and error of getting “no’s” really blew my mind!!!
Im in the business of Health and Fitness, and my ultimate goal is to help as many people as possible with the days I have in this life. I want to help them in all aspect of their lives in becoming the ultimate person a they can be and to achieving their Greatness.
But many times I have had fear of approaching or even talking to someone, and I realized that a simple “No” is not that bad.
Coming across your page through the Simon Sinek video has really helped me as a person and I really appreciate what you are doing. If you need anything, just ask man.
My JourneyPosted at 20:30h, 19 July
This is a great post of a great site run by a great author. I would like to say I’m enjoying browsing through every positive insights in our blog posts already although this was only my first time visiting and it’s all worth stumbling upon your site.
Thank you for this and I sure will have a lot to learn from you.
MichaelPosted at 13:53h, 20 July
I have been a ER RN for 17 years. Not that happy at it either. I’ve just tricked myself into believing this is all I can do even though it’s not currently what I want to do. I’ve grown and learned a lot about humanity so nursing hasn’t been a total bust. I’ve been there when new life is born and have held the hands of countless souls as they depart. So, I can say, it’s changed my life and my perception of life and death. But I just don’t want to do it anymore. It’s not my passion. It’s not my bliss.
I wrote two self-improvement books and also the book (script) to a new musical. I chose the easy road for the two books. I self-published because I knew I wouldn’t get rejected. But then, I didn’t do anything with them because I was afraid no one would like them and/or a publisher wouldn’t be able to reject it. Yep, there is that fear of rejection.
I’ve grown a bit bolder after I wrote my musical by putting myself out there in finding a composer/lyricist and emailed 50 or more people. All have rejected me even though I know this story has potential. But then for some reason, I latched on to the rejection and sunk down in to my routine of working as a ER RN again not doing anything with my musical.
I dream of writing and speaking for a living and I dream of helping others learn how to write musicals and plays. I dream of standing on a stage inspiring people to be greater than they could have ever imagined. But one thing stood in my way. Fear of rejection. Speaking doesn’t frighten me because I always have something to say. But the fear of rejection is what kept m down. Until today.
I really am glad my friend suggested I connect with you. I’ve failed miserably, I been rejected miserably only to get up and start over again. Which, after reading this blog, is exactly what I intend on doing. I am going to force myself to pitch my musical to every producer and director I can find. What’s the worse that can happen? They say no? What if they say yes?
Thank you for your authenticity. I think it just may have changed my life. I will be following you for quite a while and will keep you updated on my success.
My name is Michael, remember that because I will be coming to a stage near you! Namaste!
BenPosted at 00:28h, 21 July
That is so awesome he did a challenge to do this for 100 days.
I hate rejection personally. I’ve got better from working on memories and such from my past.. but it’s still difficult.
The thing to remember is nobody likes it.. but you can’t let it stop you and just have to keep trying. So i’m not the only one who doesn’t like it. 🙂
MokeyPosted at 21:35h, 21 July
Scott- of course you are amazing. I watch your Ted talk over and over just to remind myself that we all fail and we all get rejected but when the timing is right, surrounded by the right people, we can truly soar. And Jia, my grandma told me when my time comes as it will, that it wont be the things you do that you regret, it will be all the things you didn’t do. So that’s when I wrote my book. Haven’t gotten published, rejected once by a publisher but a wise woman once told me “better to write for yourself and have no audience than to write for an audience and have no self.” Rejection is just opinion in a vastly glorious world of many opinions. I am new to all this and I bow to both of you for awakening the inner spirit in all of us.
tonyPosted at 07:49h, 22 July
Hi Scot the biggest rejection is that my wife left me 8 weeks ago and took my five beautiful children ,yes its heart breaking and I’ve had many sleepless nights but I have never experienced before what has come out of it people around me giving me unbelievable support and encouragement both personally and to follow my dreams for a better live your legend life and ready your messages gives me the gut feeling that I am doing the right thing and to show my kids to do things they love and finaly I believe that if I build it they will come!
PatriciaPosted at 04:16h, 23 July
Great post! After reading this I realized I don’t take enough risks. I need to fail and be rejected more often.
MargaretPosted at 07:52h, 23 July
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
DaniellePosted at 09:49h, 23 July
Great post, Scott. Think I might bookmark this one to read every morning!
KarthikPosted at 04:57h, 24 July
This post is very different. I never saw rejection as positive. I am just scared of rejection. But after reading this post, I am starting to get a better perspective. Thanks Scott. Your posts are totally different and they express CONFIDENCE!
Rob LeonardoPosted at 07:57h, 24 July
What an interesting take on ‘rejection’. For many years I feared about many things and avoided conflict. But I was locked in a room of fear! I had to just go out there, speak up, try new things and voila! Like a duckling thrown into water not knowing how to swim, but survives! Thanks for making this perspective about rejection. I just gotta do it. This time around, I still struggle but this is a nice encouragement with new challenges for me.
Jan TerkelsenPosted at 01:52h, 26 July
Brilliant – Im going to start to ask more.
RaymondPosted at 18:05h, 27 July
Great post! Particularly like the ASKING part, because you never know what’s going to happen if you ask and seriously what’s the worst that can happen? The person says no and you just move on with life. And if you never ask for it, then you’re never going to get it anyways. But I think that sometimes people are afraid to ask because not only are they afraid of people saying “no” to them but they also take the “no” too personally.
Another thing is that sometimes it’s the FEAR of rejection that creates more negative emotion than when the actual rejection happens. And I think people who’ve experienced that would probably agree with what I’ve just said. Rejection is actually not that bad unless you’ve associated too much emotions into it.
Hajer Al SabeiPosted at 13:41h, 08 August
How to be successful by doing work you love - Interview with Scott Dinsmore : Dora HunorPosted at 03:01h, 03 September
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AubreyPosted at 14:42h, 06 October
Good article . I have already bookmarked it. I found this article just in time. I am about to start a business and I will use this article to keep moving forward when I get a NO .
JasonPosted at 20:33h, 23 October
Exactly what I needed when I needed it. Could you offer any advise for building the courage to do this therapy? It would help a lot. Thank you!
CatyPosted at 12:59h, 05 November
Brilliant post. This is an awesome topic to deal with for everybody including the most courageous. I like especially the incredibly daring advice “Go out today and throw yourself in rejection’s path”. It sounds like a divine embrace of life to me. You have my admiration and thankfulness for this beautiful inspiration. God bless you.
free game hackPosted at 15:03h, 29 December
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Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment!
kiran kumarPosted at 05:32h, 19 January
rejection is awsome to experience!!
kiran kumarPosted at 05:33h, 19 January
rejection is awsome to experience
Tarah MayesPosted at 23:13h, 13 March
Wow, this article really resonated with me. I recently graduated from college, and have felt this exact fear of rejection lately. I’m scared to ask for a job, or a research opportunity, or even for more cream in my coffee because I don’t want to irritate the barista behind the counter. I obviously need to make myself more comfortable with rejection! I’m inspired!
To answer your questions at the end of the article:
I once got fired from a job, but before I was actually let go I had a chance to “plead my case,” if you will. I begged not to be let go, as I needed the job to pay for my school loans. But, I was indeed fired. I felt terrible and thought my world was over.
But that rejection led me to my current job at a wonderful farm-to-table restaurant. At this restaurant, I met a girl up front when it was slow who worked in the EXACT field I want to work in. She worked for a non-profit dealing with sustainable fisheries management. I asked her, very plainly, “Would you like to hire me?” Turns out she needed an intern, and I got the job!
The world works in wonderful ways.
Thank you for the article
Tony Robbins and Frank KernPosted at 01:48h, 17 March
Wow! In the end I got a weblog from where I can truly take
valuable information concerning my study and knowledge.
David HooperPosted at 16:42h, 10 January
Good stuff. I just did an interview with Jia and it was very inspiring. Currently planning my own 30 days of rejection and I’ve found your article and the comments here very helpful for that.
Your blog is great. Adding it to my RSS reader now. Would love to interview you also. See http://www.redpodcast.com/red-103-100-days-of-rejection-with-jia-jiang/ for what I did with Jia.
Terry LinPosted at 06:16h, 26 October
It really blows my mind. Actually, I always have a fear of rejection from others. I was too concerned about what they’ll think of me. But I’ll change something from now on.
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